Split Soul.

Question:

I am seventy years old and all of my life has been spent with more questions than answers.  Firstly, like most, I am multi-talented but apart from that, I have the capacity to “just know.” – I have never passed a primary grade and never have been formally educated.  Somehow I always have managed to bluff my way through life. As a result, always had good work and wages.  My life however has been a total lie.  I was able to convince potential employers that I was university educated and my work proved that I was.   In today’s world this could never happen.  I have been very fortunate. 

I was raised in a French Roman Catholic setting of boarding school with nuns.  At sixteen I was placed in what was called “the outside world.”  I came ill equipped and did not know the English language.  Somehow I managed to learn it quickly and though I know nothing of grammar and the rules of expressing and writing, I seem to be able to put my point across and write.  Simply put, I could not pass grade one and re-did it three times.  Because of my height and age I was placed in grade three only to repeat that for three years.  I was then placed in grade six and this was done three times.  I could never pass a test and today I still don’t know my original language or the rules of reading, writing and arithmetic.  In English it just comes to me.  I know my thoughts are not my own nor my talents for cooking and being able to function.  It’s as though I am in a walking dream. 

One of my favourite jobs was as “court clerk” listening to all the trials.  Soon it became evident to me what the verdicts would be and I seldom was wrong.  I always fancied myself as a surgeon and/or a court judge.  I understand the medical language and terminology quite well and able most times to diagnose someone’s illness before it manifested itself to the point it needed treatment.  There is no way I could ever have those two vocations because of my incapacity to learn.  I have failed every test ever taken in my life including my driver’s license that had to be done repeatedly, even though I have perfect driving skills and I become the components of the motor when I use a car or truck. I am also capable of diagnosing motor problems. 

Evidently, I have a lot of questions but one in particular is:  Is it possible that my soul is split perhaps in many different categories?  I sometimes feel because of my dreams that I am also living elsewhere and in particular, experiencing a very primitive life in another country.