Shadow Self.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Dear Deepak,
they say what we don’t like about others is a disowned part of our shadow. I really struggle trying to understand that idea. How is it possible that the things we don’t like in others are part of ourselves? For instance, I am currently in a relationship with a man that is very nice most of the time, but he acts very immature when he becomes upset or when there are disagreements. He thinks only of his own needs and is even hurtful to me when I’m down so I agree with his way most of the time. How can that be a part of me when I am so sensitive to his needs and accommodating with him? If I am perhaps able to recognize a selfish side of me, is it possible to stop attracting these kind of situations and people into my life?
Response:
You may be taking too simplistic of an understanding of the shadow self. It’s not simply that everything we don’t like is from shadow self. However, when an event occurs that many would ordinarily react to neutrally, but we have a strong or exaggerated response to, then that usually indicates there is a sensitive, unhealed part of your psyche that has erupted to get your attention and to be healed. This may or may not apply to this particular complaint in your relationship, but there will certainly be other areas where it will.
We all have painful, traumatized areas of our unconscious that feel judged and excluded by our overall positive self-image. When we wall off the painful parts of our past and try to move ahead without them, that pain doesn’t just go away, it festers and darkens into our shadow self. It seeks recognition and reintegration by erupting as self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.
If you take a candid look at your past you will find some emotional material to work on healing, forgiving, and releasing. This then allows you to reintegrate those lost fragments of your shadow self back into your larger self.
Love,
Deepak
Shadow Self.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Hey Deepak, I was watching Super Soul Sunday this morning on OWN and you were part of the conversation on my "shadow" I found the topic interesting, and I have pondered and identified my shadow, but I don’t know what I'm supposed to do with that information. Do I fight my shadow, accept it, Use it, Share it with others? What is the next step in freeing myself from projecting my shadow?
Response:
Don’t fight your shadow, that is judging it and strengthening it. The shadow is a part of yourself that has become separated from your conscious self through shame, trauma or fear, and until it is reintegrated back into your self, it will undermine, sabotage and conflict with your conscious desires and positive feelings. The shadow must first be seen and acknowledged without blame or judgment. From there its story of pain can be heard and felt. Then understanding and forgiveness will bring healing and finally reintegration into the larger self. It doesn’t happen instantly and every person’s journey of healing will be unique, but if you proceed with love and compassion, the healing will take place.
Love,
Deepak
Deepak always avoids the simple answer. The issue here is, your shadow (your pain) gets triggered by a selfish narcissistic guy. That doesn't mean you're selfish as well, quite the opposite really, it means you're an empathic being. So therefore what you don't like about him (his shadow), reflects your shadow as well (the pain of his actions), so you have to heal that part of yourself. You probably had narcissistic parents, and that's why you choose that partner. But please don't be so naive to believe you're just like him, when we both know that's not true. Reason always wins, so if something doesn't make sense to you, stay there, you're probably right.
Deepak always avoids the simple answer. The issue here is, your shadow (your pain) gets triggered by a selfish narcissistic guy. That doesn't mean you're selfish as well, quite the opposite really, it means you're an empathic being. So therefore what you don't like about him (his shadow), reflects your shadow as well (the pain of his actions), so you have to heal that part of yourself. You probably had narcissistic parents, and that's why you choose that partner. But please don't be so naive to believe you're just like him, when we both know that's not true. Reason always wins, so if something doesn't make sense to you, stay there, you're probably right.
Some say that people who bully they dont remember it, but victims remember it. Maybe they dont remember it because it is not natural behavior for them. They are more nice, kind. They are say bad things when they are upset. Maybe you should not take it seriously. Say to him you feelings when he is calm. Maybe you will understand to each other.