January 28, 2012

Self-destructive Behavior.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


I know everything is always as it should be and perfect in every moment when we are aware etc. I help many people to discover their hearts desire and 'dharma' so to speak but yet for myself i am on a secret self-destructive path that i just can’t seem to stop and its silly because i know my soul chose to come here but it surely wasn’t to help others while slowly killing myself in secret with eating problems etc!

I have had bulimic behavior for past 10 yrs. and it’s like a shield for me when it all gets too much i just don’t know how to stop. I know my heart won’t last much longer physically if i keep it up but the weird part is a part of me doesn’t care it’s like i want to go back to wherever i came from. I used to sing, dance, act, travel, and had all this dreams to make inspirational movies, books, music and run retreats and have a huge vegetarian restaurant world music cafe filled with arts, creativity etc! but now i feel nothing. i don’t see anything for me to visualize or do. I don’t feel an inner nudge or pull in any direction and its weird for me as i have always listened closely to my intuition but now i feel nothing. I just don’t want to be here. its like I’ve given up. I just don’t know what to do as there is so many things i could do but don’t know where to start and don’t know how to make myself do it.

Also do you think it’s necessary to leave the environment/town that brings up a lot of past hurt and memories so that maybe will help? To start again and be free? Even though i know and understand the saying 'wherever you go there you are!' I just mean is it easier if you are physically not in the environment that triggers past memories etc?


I don’t think you need to leave town to get through this period. The thing to do is get help on healing the root of your self-destructive habits. Don’t worry about what you are supposed to do or feel or what direction your life should move toward. Just work on healing the pain that is driving your bulimia. All your concern for finding motivation in life, or moving elsewhere are simply ways of distracting yourself from the obvious task of healing your old traumas. Make this your sole focus for now, and once you are through this, your next step will be apparent to you.


Write Your Comment

  1. Zara

    hey, I suggest you read aleph by Paulp Coelho... you like the author of the boo kneed to start your journey...

  2. Sarah Mclaughlin

    8yrs ago u dotted the I`s and crossed the T`s when i was busy trying to run, I ran for nearly 30 yrs. I`m almost out the otherside and can now say, no! the grass is definately not greener over the road and it just prolongs the pain if u continue to run. I had the honor of meeting u and had the chance to ask u anything i wanted to, but alas all i cud think to say was i had forgotten my book. Now I can say thank you, ur my hero,,,, :)

  3. Recovery Coach

    Bulimia is your last safety mechanism. You hold onto it for that reason. As you said, it shields you from the past. If you want to be free of it, you require two things. 1 - To heal the past 2 - A healthy coping mechansim for any time things get tough at any other time in future The part of you that wants to go back to where you were is signalling you to sort the past out - it knows you won`t be happy no matter what success you have without doing that. Your illness is making your heart sick and that`s the very thing that allows you to give in all the other ways you do, so no wonder it`s not feeling as it should. You can do it - look at all the other things you have done and know that it`s just one more thing you`re going to succeed at. Good luck, Beth, Recovery Coach www.Smyls.co.uk

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