Resurgent Anger.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Hi Deepak, I am in my late 30’s and a counseling therapist and line manager and for the last 13 years have worked with people often who are at crisis point in their lives. I was sent to full time boarding school at the age of 8 and from this time I know I became quite angry. From my teens through to my early twenties I engaged in different forms of self-harming behavior – sexual promiscuity, drug taking, alcohol consumption, bulimia. With all this I have also always had a strong desire to have a deep spiritual life and be involved in supporting people to change, myself still gaining a degree in psychology and working in welfare in the student union. I have since then made huge changes gaining the qualifications, career and family I have but over the last year I have become a lot more angry again and began to cut myself. I feel stuck in a job that doesn’t suit my desires —more management than I ever wanted, but feel financially trapped. I have been involved in movement medicine work which really helps but I still struggle to really sit and listen and ask when I am on my own. I want to set myself free of the past and I know I want to move into work that is closer to my heart and more freeing but I feel there are barriers in front of me. Do you have any suggestions or words of wisdom – I deeply respect you for your open heartedness that you have for all. Many thanks.
Response:
It sounds like you have worked very hard to build a productive, loving life from the struggles of your childhood and adolescence. Ironically, I think it was your relative success at that emotional trauma healing which created enough spiritual strength and maturity within for a deeper psychological pain to come forth now, ready to heal. These deeper core traumas have resurfaced now, because you are ready and have the tools to heal them. Don’t be distracted by thinking this is about career choices. The work you need to do now can’t be accomplished through a more meaningful or satisfying job. Such a shift may even be a distraction from the laser-like focus you need on your issues, not others.
For starters, begin journaling about the primal feelings and stories around your painful memories. For the anger and the cutting issues, find some kind of talk therapy that will help you get closer to the underlying feelings, and give you support and perspective. Make sure you have a daily spiritual practice in place that includes meditation, some gentle pranayama (breathing exercises) and plenty of aerobic activity. Aside from these supportive tools, it is imperative that you don’t see this as a reversal or backsliding. Understand that this is now the right time and opportunity to heal the deeper dimension of this old anger issue and once you have dealt with it, you will be better and stronger than ever.
Love,
Deepak
