Relationship Decision.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I’ve been divorced for 2 years now. I had managed to get out of an abusive relationship but it took me 24 years. I’ve been seeking to know myself better which started by dropping out of my strict catholic upbringing. I started seeing a therapist, started dancing again, and now my body is more strengthened through my yoga practice. I still have feelings of inadequacy which brings me to my question. I seemed to have attracted a man into my life who I found a great energy with. I was later disappointed to find out he was 11 years younger than me. I just turned 50 and I feel fantastic and people say I look much younger. I’m so ashamed of my age, and I tend to attract younger men in my life. I continue to see this man who has a young child and is a single parent. He sometimes pokes fun regarding our age differences, but always says that he is attracted by it. I feel anxious about this. This person also has issues with maintaining his body in shape, and is constantly counting calories, and intensely working out. It makes me feel less than when I see I’m not as “tone” as I would like to be. This person also relaxes by smoking cannabis, and claims it helps him function better. Can this be? Now I’m faced with being in a phase in my life where I need to make a decision on what this journey is with him. I truly enjoy his company, but then it takes so much to maintain myself, because I scared about my aging, and I think it would be easier just to call it quits. How do I handle this relationship?
Response:
Since your divorce you have made great strides in freeing yourself from the limitations of your difficult past, and that is a great accomplishment. You also now know what you do not want in a relationship, but it’s not clear that you have yet discovered what exactly you do want. That is what you must dig deep and find out about on your own.
In your current relationship with the younger man, instead of making you feel more younger, vibrant and carefree, you report feeling old, ashamed and inadequate. Is there any reason to think those feelings will change if you become more serious about the partnership?
Another issue you bring up is that he is very body-conscious about himself, and you compare yourself unfavorably to his standards. I suspect that you feel that is a competition that time will not allow you to win. What you need to determine is whether these body image values that are a big part of this relationship are going to be a source of unhappiness for you.
Your yoga practice and dancing have helped you to feel better about your body, but this focus on the physical may be sending signals to men that that is more important to you than it really is. So spend some quiet time reflecting on what it is that matters to you, and what matters to you in a mate, and what kind of relationship you would really like to have. Then work on being the woman who embodies those values.
Love,
Deepak
