Mother Karma.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I struggle with a karmic question– It will be one year next month in which I cut my mother out of my life. In short- she is mentally ill (functional-when she wants to be) and homeless. I lived in San Diego for 12 years. However, I moved back to my hometown a few years ago in order to, “help” my mother’s situation. Needless to say- I cant help her. In short- she brought a lot of chaos to my life the past two years and throughout my entire life. Through counseling I finally admitted verbally (that) from birth- she was abusive (physically, verbally) to me, manipulative (turned family members including my own father against me) and she was NOT a mother to me. In my mind 1. I am a loyal friend/person. I have a lot of integrity and I am a good person. So, I could not fathom turning my back on my own mother. 2. I realized, though that I can not help her AND my peace of mind is more important, thus I cannot enable the chaos/turmoil and drama she brings to my life. 3. I feel guilty every day as if, “higher power”, “karma,’ “laws of attraction” are going to hold it against me for in essence turning my back on her. I feel sorry that her life is what it is. I hurt for her and all the mentally ill and homeless people. I do a lot for people (between God and I) yet, I can not have her in my life because she brought so much chaos and turmoil to my life for 36 years. But, I struggle with guilt and wonder what will be my, “karmic” burden as a result. I feel very sad.
Response:
It’s not the laws of karma that are going to punish you for your relationship with your mother, it is you. So if you want relief from your guilt, find some other way to help her so that you know you are actually doing what you can given your own emotional state and financial resources. If she is mentally ill and doesn’t want to live in a home (as some homeless do) then you need to come to terms with the limitations of what you or anyone can do. Talk with a social worker to help get a clearer perspective on your options. Also, bear in mind that even though you have come to understand that your mother was abusive, manipulative and ‘not a mother to me,’ it is not realistic to hope that a mentally ill person is going to offer you an apology or sense of remorse that you may feel you need for healing and closure. The situation is what it is, and you are going to have to heal this pain on your own. Keeping that issue of childhood trauma separate from compassionately helping your ill mother is important, otherwise part of you will always be trying to get her to know how much she hurt you. Her inability to do that will make you want to turn your back on her, and that just adds fresh guilt to your old pain and gives you more to heal.
Love,
Deepak
