Letting Go of Anger.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Hi, I want to thank you for all you do. My question is as follows: I am 38 years old a year ago ended an abusive marriage of 17 years. I was emotionally, verbally and sexually abused. I stayed in that very uncomfortable and unhappy relationship because my ex-husband had a mental illness. While I was in the relationship I took it as God’s will, and did not feel so much anger. Now that I am out of the situation and happily remarried, every time I have to deal with my ex-husband (we have shared custody of one child) I am filled with fury, so much so that I can’t even function. I am disappointed in myself because I thought my faith was strong enough to see that all is from God, and now I find out that I cannot practice this belief. How can I cleanse my soul from this hatred and be able to accept all, good and bad, is from God?
Response:
The abuse you have experienced is still not healed. It is important that you find support and counseling to deal with this independent of your child custody issue. Trying to interact with your ex-husband about your child through the cloud of your unresolved anger is bound to lead to an excessive reaction.
In addition to counseling, see if there is some physical activity or exercise you could do, that could serve as an outlet for some of that backlogged anger.
Also, you need to actively work on forgiving everyone involved in that unhappy relationship, especially yourself. Try to look at it from a different perspective in which it is all okay, because it led you to the better place where you are now. Everyone played their respective roles in the drama at that time, and now you are free from that and can let the past be what it was without judgment and embrace your present moment in freedom and joy.
Love,
Deepak
Write Your Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Letting Go of Anger.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
About 2 months ago I tried to have a conversation with a friend. We had a disagreement and hadn't spoken in a while. During the call she swore at me was insulting and made it clear she was angry and did not want to repair the friendship. She hung up. She has influenced others to no longer speak to me since that time. I have not and will not engage anyone else in this and don't believe in speaking against her. What has been difficult is putting it behind me. I never really got to respond to all she said and at times I am angry at what she said and how she said it. I have said out loud that I forgive her and want to forget it but honestly it still bothers me. We live close by so I still occasionally see her and a few former neighbor friends now don't speak to me. How do I let this just go? How does one cope with negative people when trying hard to be positive and loving? It's such a challenge!
Response:
First look at how holding onto these feelings is making your miserable and twisting you up inside. You may think that you are holding on to these feelings because you are in the right, you were insulted and therefore you can’t let go until these wrongs have been righted, or been apologized to. But that may never happen, and that effectively means you have given the power of your happiness and well being over to others, and that is a lousy position to be in. So forget about the insult and getting the cold shoulder from others, and focus on reclaiming your self-determination of your own happiness for your sake, and not for trying to right some injustice. Next, and this is the hard part, you need to discover what it about the break with this friend that is the most painful. A situation like this must have a history or precedence in your past. Your job is to locate the original hurt that made you sensitive to this recent episode and then find and label the ways you interpreted that original injury. Those interpretations were incorrect, because they were based on a faulty sense of your true self. By correcting those interpretations and beliefs that built up around them in terms of your mature and developed self now, you will heal that old hurt and reclaim a sense of happiness and freedom that is not dependent upon what others do or say.
Love,
Deepak
I have a cousin who is a millionaire. She decided about 5 years ago (when our aunt died) to distance herself from my side of her family (her father`s side) - we are the last of her Dad`s side of the family since our aunt passed. My cousin stopped sending me Christmas Cards, or having any kind of relationship whatsoever. I have a sister-in-law who I have ALWAYS been very friendly with since she first married my brother about 45 years ago. For all that time we have been more than sisters=in=law, we have been friends. Our friendship developed stronger since her husband (my brother) passed away. My sister=in=law previously had absolutely NO relationship with the aforementioned millionaire cousin who has deleted me from her relationships. Suddenly this cousin began contacting my sister=in=law and my sister=in=law now considers her a "friend". This hurts me as my sister=n=law is well aware of what this cousin did to me - that she hurt me - that she cut me out of her life without explanation in such an unwarranted way. My problem now is that I feel betrayed by my sister=in-law. I keep thinking of what I would do if the tables were turned? I know, for certain, that I would ask this cousin, this new "friend", why she cut my sister-in-law off so abruptly, and I KNOW if I felt it were a shallow excuse, I could not be friends with someone who would do such a thing. To me, being a long-standing friend, is like a famililial relationship, which we also have being sisters=in-law. I feel betrayed because its my belief that NO ONE should come between family, and I believe this cousin may have done this purposefully. I am hurt, and still have no explanation why this cousin cut me out of her life. My sister-in-law declines to touch on the subject, which leaves me feeling very very sad.
Many times I opted to avoid these type of people altogether. For the most part it worked, until recently. I`ve encountered a person several years ago who did everything humanly possible to destroy me, my family & reputation and after I forgave them and moved on this person kept trying to "re-enter" my life. I honestly believe that it`s ok to love people from a distance. I don`t believe that it`s always wise to allow people like this a space in your life after you`ve moved on. The best gift you can give in situations like this is the gift of forgiveness (1st to yourself and the other party).
I am struggling with what God wants my next life chapter to entail. I just now have had to say goodbye to my "baby" as I moved her back to college. She and I are very close so I shall miss her tremendously. I work PT, volunteer a lot and have a patient husband who is helping me through this transition. Yet I can`t seem to fight or pray my way out of this depression (even w/ my meds). Can you please suggest something -- anything that will give me some hope.