Fear of Past.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I’ve been reading some of your books since a couple of years. You have changed my life, I thank you for that. I married the love of my life six years ago; we have two beautiful children a boy and a girl. I’m afraid the karma I created in the past will come and destroy my family. When I meet my husband I destroy a ten-year relationship, I left my partner with whom I was living for ten years, even though I was not in love with him, he was a good man and he was in love with me, my husband on the other hand, was with another woman who was pregnant, even though he told me that he or she were not happy. She was pregnant and only when I got pregnant I realize how vulnerable and sensible we get. I’m very sorry for all the pain I only imagine she suffered. I did have a chance to apologize to her or my ex-partner but somehow I think it is not enough. I’m always afraid he will do the same to me. I think he will leave me for another woman. We do have a lovely relationship, he is very good with me and the kids, but I get very insecure and jealous. I have asked the universe to forgive me. I don’t know if that will be enough or someday I will suffer the same exactly pain I gave them. Do I need to let go of the pain, I one day gave them, or do I need to understand that no matter what, because of what we did we cannot be together forever?
Response:
Your sympathy for your earlier partner and your husband’s previous partner is commendable, but if you allow your fear and guilt over the past to continue, it may ruin your present relationship. The past can’t destroy your family unless you let it.
You have stated that you have been in a good marriage for the last 6 years with the love of your life. He loves you and treats you and your two children well. The earlier relationships, for whatever reasons, were not happy or loving. Why should you feel bad about your choices for a better, happier life? Ending those relationships also freed them to find more fulfilling relationships for themselves as well. Are you really willing to give up your marriage to satisfy your guilt over something you should not feel guilty about? This stems from a lack of self-esteem and not feeling that you are deserving of love. This is also the cause of your insecurity and jealousy. For developing a real sense of self-esteem you need to establish a relationship with your higher self through meditation and then you need to activate that self through courageous action. You need to find ways to demonstrate your worthiness, lovability and security from within yourself. When you do that, all these fears will evaporate.
Love,
Deepak
