November 4, 2021
Ask Deepak

Expectations of Love.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


Hello Deepak. My boyfriend has just broken up with me. My heart is naturally feeling very fragile at the moment. My life’s desire is to experience life, my life in a state of love, in a true, honest, caring and accepting way. I feel as though I have been evolving for many years, learning how to love in an open, accepting, gentle and kind way. When I look at my last three relationships (this newly ‘broken’ one included), I can see that with each partner, I am getting ‘close’ to receiving the love that I give. I thought I was in a relationship with someone who wanted to experience the fullness of love that is wholly accepting and full of grace. It turned out not to be so. Is it possible that through love/life lessons, one attracts a soul whose awareness of the beauty of real love is almost exactly the same? What I mean is, is it unreasonable to expect someone to love me in the same way that I love – a love which I have learnt from the universe through many painful but revealing lessons?


Expectations in love, as in all areas of life, determine how we evaluate our success, failure, our suffering and our joy. When you set your expectations of a loving relationship with the standard that it should bring you someone with an “awareness of the beauty of real love” that is identical with your awareness, you are assuming that having a partner with an identical perspective and experience of idealized love is the good and right aim to aspire to, and if actual relationships don’t meet that ideal, then something is wrong. I would suggest that you open yourself to the possibility that the right loving relationship is not a perfect picture that you try to attain. But rather the right love is a journey of conscious experience of whatever relationship (or lack of relationship) you are going through at the moment. This is because loving awareness is what is guiding your life while it grows and matures. The partners you find yourself involved with do not need to share your vision of love, they need to reflect the hidden areas of your heart that need to grow and expand, just as you do that for them. That is how love expands even through the uncomfortable episodes of intimate relationships. These relationships can be considered good and right even if they don’t last a lifetime or if they aren’t always smooth sailing. What’s important in a loving relationship is always find a way to let go of your old, limited version of your self-interest for the sake of a more real loving self that knows its true value independent of anyone else.



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