Elusive Love.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I am a 37 years old woman, songwriter, and I just started to work by my own along with my brother in our own business (IT services). My life as an individual has been developing steady and I feel truly blessed with my present situation: I started to become that person I’ve always dreamed of as I exercise regularly, I express myself creatively, I am starting to be self-employed and I have a beautiful family that supports me. I live by my own in a nice place that I care with love. All these realities are manifesting in this time of my life.
There is one part of me that seems to be elusive and it is the area of romantic relationships. The last time I kissed someone was 8 years ago. Before that, my relationships where not healthy, and after that, there were not relationships at all. I believe I’ve been alone because my intention of growing and becoming a better person needed of this break so I could examine myself closely because -when falling in love- my life became chaotic, and I always had the tendency of believing that the man I wanted to be with couldn’t like me, so, what created anxiety. I’ve seen myself in repeated occasions declaring my “love” to men, expecting rejection, and then feel like dying when my fears were confirmed.
This has been my systematic behavior in my love life and I have been looking for “fixing” this part of myself as I deeply yearn for feeling the love of a man who I love. I am seeing clearly that my behavior is the responsible of my experiences with love: fear of abandonment, fear of letting go, fear of being loved… It is funny (well, not really), that at the moment that I like someone I start to feel that this person will not like me, so I start acting in a way that, if the person was interested before, then probably he changes his mind then. As a constant as well, this type of relationship (me in love with a guy who does not want to be with me but somehow keeps being around) can last for years, what confuses me even more… I always think, if I was them, I would run away.
However, these guys don’t. They stay around, they are friendly, they like me although they don’t get involved romantically, and I dream with being with them for long times… until someone new appears in my life and I repeat a new story. I have honestly tried to fix this on myself. I certainly want to be happy and share my live and receive love in a healthy way. I pray every day, I want to experience the freedom of love.
Your books have been extremely powerful to me. I know I can remedy this situation and I want to share love and discover the mysteries of a man-woman relationship and grow. Would you please be so kind of giving me some advice? Do you know where this fear comes from? How it works? Why it exists? How I can free myself of it?
Response:
These fears of abandonment, fear of letting go of control, and fear of being loved are based on the misinterpretation of your past experiences in which you didn’t know your true self. In that state of ignorance, you understood rejection as confirmation that you weren’t inherently lovable.
Until you know your real nature as love, truth and joy, you will repeat the pattern of thinking you don’t deserve love, and will keep creating doomed relationships to validate your lack of appreciation of yourself. Finding and experiencing your true loving essence will provide real emotional fulfillment and will automatically reorient you from your current tendency to look to others for validation of your lovability. Successful relationships are based on your ability to give love from the fullness of your Being, and not on how much you want to love and be loved. The cup of love must be full before it can overflow for others.
Love,
Deepak
