Dealing with Anger.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I'm curious about what advice you could share with me about dealing with anger.
I recently turned 30, I am single, no babies and live in Arizona. I live a little life, but I am overcome with huge anger. It started after a devastating break up about 5 years ago. For an entire year after that break up I COMPLETELY shut down. I was not the same person anymore. I became very depressed, suicidal and isolated. Although I somehow got thru that period and now have a new love, a wonderful love in my life, why am I still so angry??? There are many triggers that set me off; from someone cutting me off while driving to something non-significant like not finding a pen when I need one. I punch the wall, throw a tantrum. Scream. I never was this type of person. Never. Not even as a child. Now as I am getting a little older, I DO NOT want to spend the rest of my days this way. So many others around the world are suffering from starvation, disease, abuse. So many are in far worse circumstances than myself. So what's my problem? Why is it so hard for me to deal with my anger? I get plenty of sleep, I exercise, I eat right. But unfortunately with no health insurance I cannot speak with a mental health professional.
Answer:
You need to address the underlying belief holding your old anger in place. You are holding on to the belief that you were wronged by the break-up, that you were victimized by his unfair behavior and that you did not deserve to be treated that way. So now even though it was the ending of that relationship has allowed you to find a loving relationship now, you are still held in the old anger because you insist on the story of the old relationship in terms of injustice, instead of seeing it as a positive step toward a lasting love. It is your self-image as a victim that feels justified in holding on to this anger. Unfortunately, you are only hurting yourself.
Make a long list of all the positive things that have happened to you since the break-up that would not have occurred if you two were still together. List all the ways you have become stronger and have grown inside since then. You certainly deserve all these good things that have happened to you and the ways you have matured. So perhaps your story that the break-up was a bad thing is not completely true. If it was what needed to happen for both of you to move ahead in your lives, then it’s pointless to blame anyone or hold onto anger and resentment. Admit to yourself that you really don’t know whether the break-up was right and wrong in the context of your whole life. So maybe the story of him being the bad guy and you as the good guy who was wrongly victimized isn’t really helping you.
Create a new story based on the actual positive events that have happened lately to replace the old story. You don’t have to pretend that everything that happened was for the best, you only need to allow that your ego doesn’t really know what is right or justice in this case. From there you can recognize that your higher self or cosmic intelligence has still led you forward in life. Learning to trust this loving force of evolution can be your new story. When you start to see your life this way, your belief in the old you as a weak victim lashing out at injustice will fade away. You will let go of the anger and start to appreciate the love and beauty around you.
Love,
Deepak
Beautiful advice!
Very well put. I think this is the basis for much of the anger in abused spouse situations, either verbally or physically. If an individual believes they were unjustly wronged at some point, that can come out over and over in life, even in something just as simple as someone not holding a door open for them. I`ve seen it happen.
What a great reply! How interesting -- I have been thinking about similar things lately, and I just blogged about it today! Read it here: http://loveyourskeletons.com/blog/ How we talk to ourselves is very important -- the stories we tell ourselves can build up resentment or diffuse it. Thank you Deepak for your continuing wisdom and I wish the question-asker more peace.