Betrayal.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
How does one deal with betrayal?
And on top of that, a system of “justice” that invariably rules in favor of property rather than people?
I have been seriously betrayed by a man I lived with for many years. We signed an agreement 15 years ago that we would share ownership of a large apartment in Paris. which he purchased and I furnished. I’ve been living there, and maintaining the place for the past ten years; he has basically stayed in his home on the Côte d’Azur, coming to Paris from time to time.
Now, he has succeeded through a lengthy court action to seize ownership and evict me. He has trashed our contract (drawn up by a lawyer), and so has the court. He does not want to live in the apartment — he is going to sell it and quadruple his original investment. I get nothing.
Clearly, I am not asking for sympathy — I am getting that from my children and my friends. But I am asking how one deals with overwhelming betrayal, and a legal system that defends the betrayer. It is a crushing example of evil, on both a personal and cultural level.
I am sure you would not give the Christian answer of turning the other cheek, nor the Eastern answer of karma. In fact, I don’t recall that you ever addressed the question of malevolence in the world and in people….please do!
Response:
The pain of betrayal is a very deep and difficult trauma to heal. What makes it so hard to heal is due in large part to the powerful story that we are right, and have been sorely wronged, and therefore the only way to fix things is for the bad person to see the error of their ways and redress the wrongs. Whether we consciously think in these terms or not, the person who feels deeply betrayed harbors and nurtures this story inside and then waits for justice. The trouble is justice almost never unfolds according to this story line. Furthermore, when you take on the label of the “betrayed”, you automatically place yourself in a powerless position and perspective. You trusted someone to act a certain way, and when they don’t your reaction is to feel wounded. If you can step outside that betrayal story, you can simply look at the change of actions from your expectations as a signal that it is time to make your own life adjustments and move toward what you now want to grow toward.
You will still need to heal the feelings of hurt and loss, but if you can avoid letting your energy get stuck in the unproductive activities of blame, self-pity, revenge, and anger, then you can use that energy to creatively take advantage to the new opportunities that this change in life situations is offering you. Often when we look back on the wrenching episodes of our life, we see how they actually led to new vistas and experiences that we would have likely missed if the major upset didn’t occur. If we abandon the mental framework of betrayal and expand our horizons to look for that new direction, then we can speed up the healing process and get on with the business of living our life fully.
Love,
Deepak
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Betrayal.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
How does one deal with betrayal?
And on top of that, a system of "justice" that invariably rules in favor of property rather than people?
I have been seriously betrayed by a man I lived with for many years. We signed an agreement 15 years ago that we would share ownership of a large apartment in Paris. which he purchased and I furnished. I've been living there, and maintaining the place for the past ten years; he has basically stayed in his home on the Côte d'Azur, coming to Paris from time to time.
Now, he has succeeded through a lengthy court action to seize ownership and evict me. He has trashed our contract (drawn up by a lawyer), and so has the court. He does not want to live in the apartment — he is going to sell it and quadruple his original investment. I get nothing.
Clearly, I am not asking for sympathy — I am getting that from my children and my friends. But I am asking how one deals with overwhelming betrayal, and a legal system that defends the betrayer. It is a crushing example of evil, on both a personal and cultural level.
I am sure you would not give the Christian answer of turning the other cheek, nor the Eastern answer of karma. In fact, I don't recall that you ever addressed the question of malevolence in the world and in people….please do!
Answer:
The pain of betrayal is a very deep and difficult trauma to heal. What makes it so hard to heal is due in large part to the powerful story that we are right, and have been sorely wronged, and therefore the only way to fix things is for the bad person to see the error of their ways and redress the wrongs. Whether we consciously think in these terms or not, the person who feels deeply betrayed harbors and nurtures this story inside and then waits for justice. The trouble is justice almost never unfolds according to this story line. Furthermore, when you take on the label of the “betrayed”, you automatically place yourself in a powerless position and perspective. You trusted someone to act a certain way, and when they don’t your reaction is to feel wounded. If you can step outside that betrayal story, you can simply look at the change of actions from your expectations as a signal that it is time to make your own life adjustments and move toward what you now want to grow toward.
You will still need to heal the feelings of hurt and loss, but if you can avoid letting your energy get stuck in the unproductive activities of blame, self-pity, revenge, and anger, then you can use that energy to creatively take advantage to the new opportunities that this change in life situations is offering you. Often when we look back on the wrenching episodes of our life, we see how they actually led to new vistas and experiences that we would have likely missed if the major upset didn’t occur. If we abandon the mental framework of betrayal and expand our horizons to look for that new direction, then we can speed up the healing process and get on with the business of living our life fully.
Love,
Deepak
I am 21 years old and have been backpacking around Europe for the past 2 months. Already in such a short amount of time I have discovered so much about myself, my weaknesses, insecurities and strengths. I want to change myself for the better- it's such a difficult thing to do. I have lost many friendships purely because I invest too much of myself - physically and emotionally and when I don't get back the loyalty and respect I gave I feel resentful and cannot shake my resentment away. I came to the realization that I cannot expect people to give me what I give them, and I should only do what I feel is right as a friend and expect nothing in return, but it's such a hard thing to stick to, I still feel like the resentment and sadness is in my heart, even though I am trying to look past it. I want to be the type of person people want to be around and someone who isn't concerned about loyalty. I want to be more easy going, but I find it extremely difficult. Is there any advice you could offer me? Love & Light, M
I am 21 years old and have been backpacking around Europe for the past 2 months. Already in such a short amount of time I have discovered so much about myself, my weaknesses, insecurities and strengths. I want to change myself for the better- it's such a difficult thing to do. I have lost many friendships purely because I invest too much of myself - physically and emotionally and when I don't get back the loyalty and respect I gave I feel resentful and cannot shake my resentment away. I came to the realization that I cannot expect people to give me what I give them, and I should only do what I feel is right as a friend and expect nothing in return, but it's such a hard thing to stick to, I still feel like the resentment and sadness is in my heart, even though I am trying to look past it. I want to be the type of person people want to be around and someone who isn't concerned about loyalty. I want to be more easy going, but I find it extremely difficult. Is there any advice you could offer me? Love & Light, M
I am 21 years old and have been backpacking around Europe for the past 2 months. Already in such a short amount of time I have discovered so much about myself, my weaknesses, insecurities and strengths. I want to change myself for the better- it's such a difficult thing to do. I have lost many friendships purely because I invest too much of myself - physically and emotionally and when I don't get back the loyalty and respect I gave I feel resentful and cannot shake my resentment away. I came to the realization that I cannot expect people to give me what I give them, and I should only do what I feel is right as a friend and expect nothing in return, but it's such a hard thing to stick to, I still feel like the resentment and sadness is in my heart, even though I am trying to look past it. I want to be the type of person people want to be around and someone who isn't concerned about loyalty. I want to be more easy going, but I find it extremely difficult. Is there any advice you could offer me? Love & Light, M