November 21, 2022
Ask Deepak

Relocation Problems.

Quote.

When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.

Question:

Hi Deepak, Recently my husband and I have moved to a new city for a better life. We both have great jobs, earning more money and were able to buy our first home. Things are great between me and my husband however my mother and father-in-law don’t approve of this move. They came down to visit for the first time. The first couple of days were great but the last 3 days were miserable. They started to say things to my husband that it was his plan all along to move out and leave them, and they blamed me for taking away their son from them. Their trip didn’t end well. They ended up leaving our house the night before and stayed at a hotel and left the following day. We tried to stop them but they didn’t listen, my husband called but they wouldn’t tell him which hotel they were staying at. Before leaving my mother-in-law told my husband that he was dead to them and not to ever call again. My husband has never had a great relationship growing up with them because they have always stopped him from living his own life, and they believe my husband owes his life to them. They have always treated their younger 2 kids a lot better than they have treated my husband. The new city we are living in is about 3 hours away from my family, and they said to my husband that he moved out to be closer to my family and that I came in and destroyed their family just so I can take their son away from them. We moved out of their house because they were really difficult to get along with and the city that my husband is from is really expensive. We made this move for our future, so we can give our future kids the life they deserve. We don’t know what to do now, as my in-laws aren’t answering their phone. They will turn my husband’s entire family against him as they’ve done that in the past. Please help us!

Response:

Your in-laws are unhappy with you and your husband moving away because it deprives them of the opportunity of controlling your lives. Their dramatic leaving your house to stay at a hotel a night early and not answering the phone are childish tantrums and indicate that connecting, respecting and developing deeper relationships with family is not what is truly important to them. Telling their married son that he is dead to them because he moved to another city with a better job is so obviously manipulative, that it is absurd. All parents should want their children to grow into responsible adults who make their own competent, caring decisions – adult children are supposed to be passive puppets to be controlled the rest of our lives. 

I believe you and your husband made an intelligent move for yourselves and you future children. I suspect almost any other couple in today’s job market would have done the same thing. It’s certainly important to respect one’s parents and elders, but it is not appropriate or healthy to make the decisions on where you work and raise your family. 

They will simply have to come to terms with it over time and on their own terms. Maybe when you have children they will come to their senses. If your in-laws are willing to turn the rest of the family against him and you, and have done so in the past, then you must realize there is nothing you can do to please them. Even if you quit your new jobs, sold your home and moved back, they wouldn’t really be satisfied.

Focus on your own marriage for now and don’t waste your time and emotional energy trying to make them happy. Tell them that from your side, they are welcome to visit and that they are always loved and respected. But let them know that you enjoy your home and jobs in your new town and have no intention of moving back. You may also want to inform the rest of your husband’s family about your feelings and motivations, so they can come to their own conclusions about your move and not have to rely on your in-laws version of events.

Love,

Deepak

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