September 25, 2020
Ask Deepak

Not Quitting a Relationship.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


Dear Deepak, I urgently need your help. I am in a very difficult relationship which I believe is worth working on. I am not a quitter and would hate to give up on this so easily. We both have children from another relationship and it is important to me that our children don’t witness yet another difficult breakup. My boyfriend is extremely jealous to the point of severe verbal abuse and at times the threat and fear of physical violence. It is becoming more and more difficult to live a normal life. He has eliminated almost all men from my life, by either threatening me or calling my employers/co-workers without me knowing. He is now forcing me to choose between staying with him and attending my niece’s birthday party due to being jealous of a male family friend who will be there although my boyfriend is also invited. He often disrespects me by saying I am worthless to him and that he deserves better. He has called me a wh***, bi**h, and used many other horrible words hundreds of times with me. I am a beautiful person inside and out, my line of work involves being in the public eye–marketing/PR and modeling. And it has become more and more of a problem. I know I can get a bit jealous at times, naturally, but I would never tell him he couldn’t see his family. I am also able to snap out of it and realize jealousy is unnecessary, but he will go days and days angry, enraged, and hateful towards me! I know there is hope. He does love me very much. What can I do to help him? I don’t want to lose everything we’ve built.


The way that you have listed your boyfriend’s behaviors (abusive language, threatening co-workers, keeping you from your family) it’s hard to see what the good things in the relationship are that you are so desperate to hold on to. Is he great with the kids? A loving partner? A good provider? Nothing like  that was mentioned giving me the impression that much of the motivation is to avoid the pain of another separation for your kids and your personal  feeling of failure.

Viewed from the outside the situation looks bleak. You are in a field where your success requires you to be attractive to men, and your partners’ weakness is raging jealousy. It doesn’t appear that he wants to get over this, and if he doesn’t want help, there is nothing you can do to help him. If you feel scared that that he could become physically violent at any time as you indicated, then you owe it to your kids to keep yourself  and them safe. Separating from him will be a lot less traumatic for the children than keeping them trapped in an angry and dangerous situation  where they feel powerless. Also it is completely unacceptable for him to threaten people you work with. That in itself should be enough to show you his thoughts and actions are out of control.



Write Your Comment

1 comment
  1. maria_jose.fernandez

    Deepak has directed you to the points that show the real situation in your relationship. As a psychologist and person who works on her own evolution I would suggest you to go inside and look for the real reasons you're affraid of quitting this clear toxic and dangerous relationship. That may give you the motivation to take steps to protect yourself, your family, colleagues and friends of such a person. If he hasn't realized yet he's behaving so bad, no one is going to convince him, unless he decides to ask for help himself (proffesional, of course).

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