April 3, 2024
Ask Deepak

How can we respond to unkindness as enlightened beings?.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.



“I am working very hard on being kind to people that are unkind. 

My first response is to become very defensive. 

I realize this comes from a childhood of verbal abuse when I used to have to “take it”. 

I had no power as a child in the presence of a verbally abusive father. 

But as an adult, I will react with defensiveness and unkindness because of this. 

But when I do act w/kindness and do not get defensive or act unkind?? 

This does not make me feel good, or peaceful. 

I will leave a situation like this feeling beat up, and powerless. 

So if I act defensively, I feel bad later. 

If I react with kindness, I feel bad also. 

What is the answer here Deepak??”


You’ve already accomplished the major hurdle in adopting a new behavior: you have become aware of the source of your defensive behavior from the past and have decided you want something different. 

The next phase requires patience and kindness to yourself. 

These ingrained childhood responses take time and gentleness to heal. 

So don’t force yourself to try to be kind when you are feeling angry. 

That isn’t real kindness anyway. 

Have your honest reaction to the unkind behavior, but just allow a part of yourself to be aware that this reaction of yours is based largely on your past, and how that is coloring your interpretation of the present. 

Be aware that even if a more neutral response isn’t possible for you right now, a different response is possible – perhaps next time. 

You are opening the possibility for a different reaction next time that isn’t dominated by your past conditioning. 

Then afterward, don’t beat yourself up about whatever reaction you had to the unkindness. 

Let it be, knowing that you are always moving closer to your authentic, unconditioned self and that next time will be a little better.



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