March 28, 2013

Healing Abuse.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


Hi, I am wondering how I should handle a family situation. When I was a child I was molested by my stepfather. Because of my mom's volatile emotional state, as well as a nonexistent relationship with my own father prevented me from feeling like I could tell my mom. Last year and after lots of counseling and "reaching bottom" I finally told my mom about the abuse. It was the first step in my healing process. With ongoing counseling I'm finally dealing with the pain and trauma that the abuse caused to me.

However, my mom did not react well. While she believed me, she immediately started assuming the role of victim and focusing only on how this information had changed her life. I realize that it has impacted her greatly, but she seems to lash out at me. She has been very difficult to be around – threatening suicide, and even telling me that she sometimes wishes that she'd not given birth to me. I've taken all of it in stride so far, mainly because I still feel guilt over giving her this news. Initially my mom separated from my stepfather, and told me that she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him anymore and would be pursuing a divorce. The other day, I found out, after suspecting for a while that she is not making any moves to divorce him, is still seeing him and is spending time w/ him and their friends as if nothing has changed.

When I heard this from my half-sister, I immediately relived the molestation, and all the emotional abuse that she has done to me over the years. Because she has lied to me about this, combined with the ongoing emotional abuse she continues to do to me I am considering severing my ties with her. I am also starting to believe that she brain washed me as a child to distrust my own father, which eventually led to me requesting to stop scheduled visitations with him when I was 14. (I should mention that my own father did nothing to try to maintain visits or even communications with me, which also has caused great pain.) Do you think I should give the relationship with my mother another chance, or do you think I should stand up and stop the abuse by severing ties with her?


As you mentioned, telling your mom about the abuse was the first step in your healing process. Remember that this process is about you, not her, and what is best for your healing process is what must guide your decisions. Given your mother’s fragile emotional state, it is probably too much to expect that she would leave her husband after being told of his abuse. So do your best to not let her choices impact you. You spoke up because that is an important step in freeing yourself of the control the abuse has burdened you with through the pain of secrecy and shame. Your mother may have her own process coming to terms with the past and her role in it, but you shouldn't feel guilty about telling her the truth when that is essential to your own healing. Her lies may trigger old emotional abuse issues, so it will be easier for you to keep some distance from her for the time being. You don’t need to categorically sever all ties, just say it is just until you are able to feeling strong enough to resume the relationship. When you feel you are ready, you can ease back into a relationship with your mother.


Write Your Comment

  1. mom

    I hope you find peace with god and help others going through what happened. God sees everything and is the only one who can comfort you with this type of pain. My family and I moved and I stayed with my brother when my daughter was real young. I found out at 6 years old that my daughter was continuously molested at 4 yrs old by her 10 yr old cousin when we stayed for 3 months while our new house was being finished. You can`t imagine the pain when she was trying to tell me at the age of 6 (I was so proud of her courage) and the guilt I felt when realizing every time they went to watch tv in the other room she was abusing her. I think my brother and wife had something to do with it (usually molesters were molested when they were young and my niece was not right). I severed all ties to the family and my brother has died since. Me and my daughter went through years of therapy and my husband didn`t and never could handle it properly, we almost split from infidelity and drugs. First get therapy from someone who has been there. My daughters therapist was actually molested as a child and it helps with healing and the understanding process. My lord took the pain and unforgiving for awhile, until I could be free to forgive. If you don`t have 100% from your mother, you might have to get her counseling.

  2. Isabelle Kirchner

    You are welcome! Keep on loving. Isabelle

  3. Hermana Águila Guerrera

    M e encanta Deepak ♥

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