Guilt Over Mother’s Death.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Hello! My Mom was an addict, alcoholic, very unstable, and emotionally abusive to me my entire life of 38 yrs. I prayed for God to take her for many years as I had no support or siblings to help. Last year my Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. The year was filled with arguing, her endless demands, and little quality time as I was already burnt out from previous years of her abuse. I am a Nurse, and starting to hate my job as I am jealous of palliative patients and the quality time I see other families have. My Mom died 6 months ago, then my Dad 2 months later. I am consumed with the guilt of having little quality time with either parent the last year and still cry daily. I am an emotional mess. I feel so guilty and ashamed of having God fulfill my wish and not being careful of what I wished for. How do I move forward and stop being angry with God that my relationships lacked quality which was so needed? Any suggestions would be so appreciated. Thank you.
Response:
There is a big part of you that feels responsible for you mother’s death because you expressed your resentment toward her. That had nothing to do with the timing of her death. Even if you had found a way to love and forgive her years before, her time had arrived and she was going to pass away when she did. So this is about you letting go of your misunderstanding that you had any control over her life and death. You did not do this to your mom, God did not do it either on your behalf. Her soul determined that time, because it served her particular evolutionary needs, that’s all. What you need to do is come to terms with the fact that you had a mother that did not meet your needs or expectations as a parent. So that means you are left to find a way to do that parenting for yourself as best you can to heal this emotional wound. This requires letting go of the past and accepting and working with your reality in the present.
Love,
Deepak
I want to express my compasssion towards your experience as a neglected child. That child will always be with you. You now have an opportunity to give that child what she never got. Love her, be responsive to her needs, and do this consistiently. You will find your child becoming strong, kind, patient, and understanding in all you do. This will allow a more intergrative wholeness within yourself providing you with a more positive perspective. It`s a process that requires commitment. And during this process have FUN with it. Your are doing something wonderful for yourself! No matter what the event, task, etc. learn to enjoy your life. It is not lived for anyone else. Tap into the humor in life. Laughter doeth good like medicine. Grieve as you must. But do not live your life in a state of grief. There is a time to let go and enjoy! You deserve all life`s best! Allow it. It`s there for the taking. Be open to it!
When you are able to foregive your parents, as well as forgiving yourself, a new found freedom will abound in your life. Alcoholism is cunning and baffling, and it truly affects every person in a family unit. Always remember that you did your best to cope with the situations that arose in your home. And so did your parents. At that particular time they were living a life that they thought was appropriate. The could not realize how hurtful and hateful they were because they were under the influence of alcohol, most likely day after day and year after year. It is only natural that you would have angry feeling toward them when you became an adult. Most likely those feelings were stored deep inside you as a child, because you were afraid to ever express any emotion back then. I would suggest you begin a good meditation program. Dr. Chopra has many of them available to you on-line. You can also watch for his next Meditation Challenge which I imagine will be coming forward soon. That one you can sign up for here on the website, and you can get the 21 day meditation sent to you each day for free. You are a child of God and the Universe. And you are loved for just being you. You are a unique and special human person, and are walking your path with Spirit each day. If you can learn to live in the moment, and just live in the NOW (that is in the moment) you will find a new life that will blossom like a beautiful flower, or a sunset, or a rainbow, or a raindrop, or a bird singing. You are loved. And LOVE can be your mantra, giving and receiving love, each and every day.
One has to recognize that there are several parents who behave badly for major part of their lives, not realizing the torment they create for their kids! You should not have any grief for them. Her passing away was a natural course of life, beyond your control. Live with determination to make the best of what remains of your life. Develop a devotion for the almighty and indulge in good karma. You will see life taking a wondrous turn for the better. Good Luck and stay happy.