Guilt Over Mother’s Death.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Hello! My Mom was an addict, alcoholic, very unstable, and emotionally abusive to me my entire life of 38 years. I prayed for God to take her for many years as I had no support or siblings to help me. Last year my Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. The year was filled with arguing, her endless demands, and little quality time as I was already burnt out from previous years of her abuse. I am a nurse, and I am starting to hate my job as I am jealous of palliative patients and the quality time, I see other families share. My Mom died 6 months ago, then my Dad died 2 months later. I am consumed with the guilt of having little quality time with either parent the last year and I still cry daily. I am an emotional mess. I feel so guilty and ashamed of having asked God to fulfill my wish and not being careful of what I wished for. How do I move forward and stop being angry with God that my relationships lacked quality which was so needed? Any suggestions would be so appreciated. Thank you.
Response:
There is a big part of you that feels responsible for your mother’s death because you expressed your resentment toward her. But you have to know that those feelings had nothing to do with the timing of her death. Even if you had found a way to love and forgive her years before, her time had arrived, and so she was going to pass away when she did. So this is about you letting go of this misunderstanding that you had any control over her life and death, or that you have the power to tell God when to end a human life. You did not do this to your mom. And neither did God do it on your behalf. Her soul determined that time, because it served her particular soul’s evolutionary needs, that’s all. What you need to do is come to terms with the fact that you had a mother that did not meet your needs or expectations as a parent. That means you are left to find a way to do that parenting for yourself as best you can to heal this emotional wound. This requires letting go of the past and accepting and working with your reality in the present.
Love,
Deepak
