October 17, 2012

Guilt About Moving Out.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


I really need some assistance and would appreciate some feedback. I come from a modern Muslim family but my parents are still observant of the orthodox view of the children living in the same house as them and starting a family in the same house. I don't agree with that view because since I was a kid I always believed in being on my own and starting my family and calling them my own. I also have a girlfriend with whom I would like to share my apartment with. I financially support my parents and upon moving out I will still take care of most of their major expenses while my brother who lives with them can help with the less expensive costs. In some ways I feel liberated with the feeling of moving out and being on my own with someone I would love to share the rest of my life with and then in some ways I feel guilty for leaving my parents, who have always pulled guilt tricks. Please guide your lost child. I visualize and pray that you will respond.


You haven’t said how old you are, but if you are able to financially support your parent I suspect you are old enough to move out. Clearly you have given this a lot of thought and it is important to you to make a family life on your own. It seems to me your mind is made up, it doesn’t seem likely that you would be comfortable living your life along your parents expectations of staying in their home as you start your own family. So the question is how do you get them to accept your decision? You have to convince them that this is a thoughtful, mature decision on your part based on knowing your core needs and that it is going to make you happy. If you act against your nature and try to live your life according to a tradition that doesn’t fit your needs, then you will not be happy and that won’t make your parents happy then either. Whenever they start laying a guilt trip on you, come back to this basic statement about you knowing who you are and what you need to be happy. Every parent only wants their child to be happy.


Write Your Comment

  1. Khalendra Mochhary

    Leaving out a religiously orthodox parents' family and leading a new family with a different religious belief may prove much more troublesome ?

  2. NAhmad

    I went through the same predicament. Receiving the same guilt trip from parents and family. I, being the eldest child (girl), had been told that I held the responsibility of taking care of the family. After years of accepting that, as girls do, I realized that as selfish as it might look or sound, this is MY life. So, one day, I built up the courage, and told them I’m moving out. And I did the next day. Tactfully, I didn`t give them a chance to absorb the thought. I did get a lot of guilt forwarded to me for a few weeks after. A lot of crying on my mother`s part. Despite feeling insanely guilty, I stood my ground (without being rude or inconsiderate of course). I showed them how responsible I was by finding a good place to live, a good job and finding good friends. Within a month, if not weeks, they had realized how much happier I sounded. 2 months later, no more guilt trips. I moved out of my parents’ home almost 2 years ago. I love my parents and I talk to them every single day, even if it`s just a hello. My relationship with them and my siblings has grown stronger since. A couple of months ago, my mother said "Parents are your roots, not your branches" and "the fruit has to break off one day, or it will rot pointlessly". (She really likes metaphors) Made me cry, but it`s the truth. My advice to the above person: Take a stand, respectfully. Parents have lived more than us, and understand a lot more.

  3. Neha Sharma

    sari umra sorf kamai ki ya bhajan kirtan nhi kiya

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