Forgiving.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I’m a 24-year-old girl. I just came out of a 3-year-long relationship with someone whom I was never able to trust completely during the entire course of the relationship for various reasons. Yet I stayed with him, ignoring my inner voice which kept on telling me that he is not the one for me. I don’t have a real answer as to why I actually stayed in the relationship despite the negativity. Earlier this year I ended the relationship. Three months later we got in touch again, and started talking again on a daily basis. Another 3 months later we decided to get back together. And eventually in August I found out that he had been lying to me ever since we got back in touch. He had been dating someone else all this time ever since we broke up. He never explained or apologized for anything he did. And I feel quite stupid for not having listened to my inner voice and for believing and trusting him instead of my inner voice. I’ve read a lot of your books, and have always been very inspired by them. My question to you is whether the best way to deal with this situation is to forgive the person that hurt you, as in, not hold any grudges against anyone and move on? And if this is the best option, then how can we forgive someone who lied and cheated on you and why should we do so? Has it got to do with the law of karma? And the fact that this happened to me, is it because of my past actions? As far as I can remember, I don’t think I have done anything in my life to deserve something like this, or could it also be a result of my karma from any past life?
As you can see, I’m quite confused about why this happened to me. I’ve been trying to look for answers, but am not 100 % satisfied. I write to you in the hope that you can provide me some enlightenment on this issue, and show me the path to turn this negative situation into a positive learning curve.
Response:
The reason you should forgive someone who has lied and cheated on you is for your sake more than anything else. As long as you see the past situation in terms of anger and resentment, you will be trapped by that view that sees you as a victim. By forgiving yourself you can reclaim your power and allow yourself to move forward. You can start by forgiving yourself for blaming yourself for what happened. Your comments about not listening to your inner voice and your wondering what past karma could have led to this situation suggests that you judge this as something bad that happened and that if you had only done something differently or done the right thing, you could have avoided feeling this way.
In fact, you are going through all of this because this experience serves your greater growth, so the actors who play the bad guys are not important. If you need to go through the experience of feeling betrayed in order to become stronger and self-sufficient, then any number of people or events would have coalesced to make that happen, even if you had never met your old boyfriend. So you can forgive yourself for blaming yourself for this happening and from this point of view you should be able to let go of blaming your old boyfriend as well. By forgiving, you see the mistake in blaming and claim your life as your own. This allows you to see the value in your present situation and to move ahead with courage and joy.
Love,
Deepak
