Fear After Meditation.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
In the midst of integrating alienated parts of myself, I have started therapy, about 2 years ago. I’ve learnt how the mind works and its illusions. I feel better about myself. Now, at the beginning of this year, I started meditating regularly, every day, for about an hour. When I concentrate on breathing, it gets to a point where I’m ONE with that breathing, and I feel immense satisfaction and joy. But….when I get out of meditation, and in real life, I experience that fact as threatening…I don’t know why…but I feel scared, afraid I guess, of becoming nothing and at the same time all. Deepak…what is happening to me? I didn’t use to feel this way before. I couldn’t wait to meditate and feel that joy. Now all I feel is fear. Why is that? Why did it change? Does that mean my ego has strengthened itself?. I’m afraid that with so much therapy, I may have identified myself too much with my ego. Is that the case? Please help!
Response:
It seems to me that you have made your meditation about the idea of oneness, rather than letting it simply be whatever experience is going on during that time. Your body is reacting in fear to the idea of oneness and the threat of loss of individuality. In fact, there is no threat to the actual experience of unity consciousness, but your mental conception of oneness in meditation and the actual experience of it are two different things. I would encourage you to return to your breathing meditation and whenever your mind drifts away from your breath and you think about that oneness and the immense satisfaction of that, just return your attention to the breath. Treat that grand feeling and thought just like any mundane thought that passes your mind. There is a tendency to want to foster and keep the “spiritual” thoughts and feelings that arise during meditation as a reward for our spiritual practice. But in truth, those thoughts and feelings, as sweet and uplifting as they may be, are still limited expressions of that pure Being, and in that sense they are like any other thoughts born of the dualistic mind. The meditation instruction to return to the practice when you notice the mind is off of something else is the way to ensure that the mind doesn’t get sidetracked on the way to pure self-awareness.
Love,
Deepak
