Dealing With Loss.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Thank you very much for your kind words of wisdom. I have read a few of your books and I value your opinion highly. I am currently reading “How to Know God”. I have to admit though that my decision to read this one at this time is because of the loss of my daughter. I am looking for answers. This experience has taken me backwards in my thinking and in my perception of faith and God.
I have been told so many things by most likely well intentioned people, but things that truly hurt even more….some are “you are paying for your sins”, “in your past life, you must have been a bad person”, “It was God’s will”. Now this one confuses me, would my God hurt me like this? Would he hurt my son, who for years wanted a sibling, and was the most happy person on earth? Would he give to me the most precious gift, in the midst of my exams, after 13 years of my son’s birth and then take her away? I cannot perceive my God to be this way, but I wish I could get answers.
Now the most painful comes from my mother in law, no surprise here. She calls me from Canada the day my daughter returned to heaven to say to me that she must only have white flowers because she was born in sin. Saying to me that this is written in the bible. Dr. Chopra, what exactly does this mean? That is the most morbid thing I have heard, my daughter looks like an angel, she is beautiful and she brought out so many wonderful feelings of joy the five days she spent with us. Many of my friends and relatives took time to stay with her and us in the hospital, risking the loss of their jobs, choosing to spend a birthday with her instead of with their family. My daughter could not have been born with sin. Her presence stirred everyone around her, sin cannot do that. I need to move forward with my life but I find myself embattled with resentment for this lady. I have spent 14 years in her house because of her constant demands, I have sacrificed having children while I was younger, because of her selfishness. Now one of my philosophy was that if God wanted me to have more children he would let it happen. I know now that that’s the wrong way to thing, I have gotta help myself get what I want. But to learn the lesson so harshly. Everything has gone horribly wrong. I had made the decision to have tubal ligation done on the day of her birth, and so today I cannot try again. Not that any other baby could replace her, but it’s truly what I want in life. I did read once of a woman who suffered terribly from arthritis, and it was only when she forgave the woman to whom her ex-husband got married too did she feel any relief. I know that many days I am in pain, my knees hurt when I climb stairs, my ankles are painful, and I have no energy. I get terrible headaches that only go away after I take muscle relaxants. However, I also discovered when I visited my dear friend in Pennsylvania for a couple of weeks, that I awoke climbed her staircase and had no pain, all gone, no headaches, etc., they have however returned since I came back.
Dr. Chopra, I will be grateful for any words that can give me an insight as to why such tragedies occur. I may be asking a lot, but I cannot understand why some of us has to go through these things. I am forever being told how strong I am, but that’s no relief for me. Joy now has a new name for me Sadjoy. How do I enjoy every day without her? I love my son and husband, and we looked forward to the memories we would have created together. I’d envision her sitting on their laps, swinging her pudgy little legs, waving bye-bye to no one in particular, and her songs that she would make up. I wanted to discover all the abc’s of life all over with her, I felt certainly, being older I would be wiser and more patient with her, I would not make the same mistakes that I did with my son. My husband said to me when we discovered that I was pregnant, that this baby would be the light he needed in his life. He’d been having a difficult time with his mother. He was almost certain that we would have a girl. I need to find my God again and to accept him without fear and confusion. If you can offer any advice in my journey, I’d be most grateful.
Response:
Coming to terms with such a deep loss cannot be hurried. The healing must take its own time. In such situations, I don’t find it helpful to dwell on why these things happen. Instead, try to focus on how this experience can deepen wisdom and love in your life.
It might help to try to see these events from the soul’s point of view. When a soul incarnates, it comes for a particular experience to help it in its journey to self-realization. Whether it is for a few days or a few decades, it has a specific plan and timeframe in mind. The birth of a baby is not primarily about God rewarding, punishing or teaching anyone in the family lessons. By the same token, when a soul leaves the body, it is not God punishing or teaching lessons either. The soul is doing what it needs to do, being born, living, dying according to its own evolutionary needs.
The only appropriate response to hurtful comments by your mother-in-law is simply to ignore them. Remember, letting go of your resentment toward her will be the favor you do for yourself, more than for her. And you are right to see the connection between the feelings of blame and resentment with your physical symptoms. This entire ordeal is a huge blow, and it is not realistic to think you will get over it quickly. You do have your immediate family and friends to rely upon for support. Make full use of them, talk with them and give yourself the time and love you need to carry forward with your life.
Love,
Deepak
