Cynical Son.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Dear Deepak,
I have a son who is 17 and a very deep thinking, old soul if you will. He is very sensitive. We have a very close relationship but when he reacts in a cynical, sometimes hostile way which I know is not his true self, I sometimes react in defense or anger, trying and trying to get him to come around which I know doesn’t work. How can I when he gets to that place keep from becoming angry at his reaction towards me in that moment when the emotion seems to take hold of me? He’s a beautiful person and I know he loves me very much but when he goes to this place he’s like a different person and I don’t want to feed into those reactions but cannot seem to help myself from becoming defensive or angry. Thank you
Response:
What he is doing is what 17 year old boys have been doing forever. They are developing an independent personality and sense of autonomy from their parents. It’s a good thing and it is psychologically and developmentally healthy. Even if his reactions are exaggerated and unnecessarily quarrelsome, he’s trying to find his center and own point of view. A sense of self that is not borrowed or adopted from his parents. Try not to take it personally. If possible, try to see how he is working to become to become his own person, and support him in that goal, even though it may mean that your relationship in the meantime will change from the old closeness you enjoyed and were familiar with. Keep in mind that the successful transition into selfhood, and autonomy will be the basis for your future loving relationship with him.
Love,
Deepak
Others reflect back to us only what we believe to be true about ourselves and about them. Instead of trying to change your son or how you react to him, change your belief about who your son is. In silent prayer ask your son to forgive you, for seeing him as cynical and sometimes hostile, for in truth your son is perfect, in which the father sees no fault. All problems, though appearing outside of you, must be resolved within YOU.
I love how peaceful you are, and the none agressive position you try to tell us all in how to live our lives, for the benefit of all.
Parents have to understand that they can only give birth to a child and provide enough to sustain the child to grow up into a responsible independent adult. What they can't do is live the child's life because it's a totally autonomous and separate life which belongs exclusively to the child. Live your own life and let other people live their owns. It also depends how you brought up your offsprings. Giving birth is not enough! !! Adopted parents can be more valued and respected than parents just giving birth to a child. In any equation that would never change the fact that you are their biological parents with the same genetic DNA and other attributes etc. The sooner parents under understand that the better they would understand their offsprings and mutual respect, love and affection would be maintained ,strengthened and everlasting.