Confusing Shift.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I am a 45 yo female, single with no children. I have been quite blessed, having been inspired at quite a young age to follow what I call a vital life of natural health and meditation, as well as an entrepreneurial business life. I have had the opportunity to travel extensively and due to earlier financial success, I have been able to have the time to experience the ancient arts, via Kriya Yoga. My life has led me to specialize in therapy and more recently into developing ancient principles into a system of seminars that I am currently developing into an extensive small business.
I did experience some financial setbacks, together with various relationship setbacks. I have persisted with developing my business and moved in with my parents in order to live rent free and use my small residual to finance my business.
During this period I have begun to experience some negative feelings about the human species in general. I have begun to question why I am even bothering to assist people to improve their health and wellbeing. At times I loose all motivation to do any work on my business development, due to my upset (at times I literally become very emotional) at the state of the world and that everyone seems to be mindlessly travelling as if nothing is wrong and if that’s “how it is”. I won’t go into details about this however, it is my “state”, or reaction to everything, that concerns me.
I have allowed myself to fully feel these feelings, as they have developed and thought that it may be just a stage that I was going through or that there may have been an accumulation of experiences that I may not have expressed enough and that I would come through to the other side eventually. However, I think 6 months is long enough, as now it has begun to affect my ability to do my sadhana and even my mother is beginning to be concerned about my work procrastination.
I am currently not in any state to assist anyone and have had thoughts of giving up and finding a quiet island to escape to. I just keep thinking…”what in heavens name is going on with me?!”
Hoping you can shed some light across the ocean.
Response:
It seems to me you are in the midst of a process where your previous motivations and belief systems are disengaging and your new mode of being has yet to become operational. Your personality is in the middle of a major remodeling job, and being in that in between phase can be uncomfortable and disorienting. Part of the confusion may arise because much of the old conditioning you value as being positive. Your focus on helping others is certainly laudable, but even such worthwhile endeavors can keep us from directing our attention to areas of personal growth that may need that attention. I think your negative feelings toward humanity and lack of motivation reflect the change in you that no longer identifies yourself as a good person because you help others. Beneath this old self is a self that is learning to value itself not for what it does, but simply by virtue of it being itself and knowing itself. That is the new you, the real you that is in the process of emerging out of this reclusive phase. Even if you and your mom are getting impatient and worried, I wouldn’t rush out of this process just yet. Try to allow it another few months. If your spiritual practice falls apart for a while, that’s okay too. To break up the last bits of the old conditioned self, sometimes it is necessary to let go of the rigidity we have about our spiritual practice as well. Don’t worry, everything will get plugged back in later. Be easy with yourself, and make use of this time to permit the thorough soul transformation that this period of your life is calling for.
Love,
Deepak
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