Being Judgmental.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Dear Deepak,
I'm confused. I feel like I am too judgmental with people. I compare too much and I have reached a point that if I don't change I think it will affect my life as I have a heavy heart. Should I see a psychologist or a life coach or is it something I can resolve by myself through books and meditation?
Response:
It doesn’t sound like you need counseling to deal with this. A little self-reflection and conscious awareness should help. Begin by recognizing that when you judge others, your unspoken motivation is to make yourself feel better. If you judge other people as “wrong,” then that make you “right.” And being right is supposed to feel good. That is the hope anyway. But as you have written, you actually don’t feel good. You have a heavy heart and feel this judging of others is getting to be a problem. So that is your first step— whenever you notice you are judging someone, realize that your ego is not going to really get what it wants out of this behavior. In fact, afterward, you will feel worse physically and emotionally.
Next realize that these people you judge are not fundamentally different than you. If you had their background and history, who is to say you wouldn’t behave the same way? This is the second step: cultivating compassion by realizing everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge and ability they have. Notice that feeling compassion does feel better in your heart and in your body. Make a conscious choice to cultivate compassion because it will make you feel better.
Finally, find something honorable and praiseworthy in the other person you were judging or disagreeing with. It can be something small. Perhaps it is how hard they work at their job, or what a good mother they are, or how forthright they are with their feelings. When you find something you admire in them, in spite of other differences you may have with them, you are connecting with them spiritually and breaking down ego barriers. As you develop this habit, you will feel your heart lighten and your body become more relaxed.
Love,
Deepak
A deeper look at judgment and how it became so automatic. What problem does it solve? How does it possibly make me safer? Am I also a KIA? A know it all? See if there is a history of abuse in childhood requiring you to be vigilant, anticipating others future actions in order to insure safety and some freedom from the pain of physical and emotional abuse. Is the judgment a tool to hopefully know in advance what to expect? To have predictability when chaos was the norm? So many children grow up in alcoholic and drug addiction family environments and judgment is a way to gauge how safe we will be going forward. The children have PTSD by adolescence. Until we can again see we are safe...we are Source energy, the Divine Presence is always expressing as us and even our passing from this consciousness to the next is not to be feared...until we remember who we really are, we reacted with the fearful judgment response. I know this....this is not theory!
Judge your neighbour, write it down, ask four questions and turn it around. www.thework.com This has really helped me as I too started to become tired of my judgemental thoughts. If you question the thought like described in the work, then you do not have to let go of it, it lets go of you. Good luck :0)
N: When people start to understand each other they are at same awareness, though they are different. Sometimes people dont talk together because they have different opinions or temperament. Then they realise they should try to talk together and respect each other, no matter they agree about other opinions, make good relationships.