Angry People.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Just want to get your view on how do you deal with angry people? I have this colleague who is constantly angry and insulting. Before I used to answer back at her and get even more angry. Now I keep on showing love and cooperative attitude, while she is still angry – okay maybe just a little bit calmer. I keep on telling myself that there is not much she can do to me, as I decide myself not to be impacted. But it takes nerves of steel to manage it, I must admit.
Response:
The key is to not take it personally, no matter how specifically it is directed at you. Their anger is an expression of their own frustration in life. If you can maintain respect and compassion for the hurt person behind the anger, then you can avoid getting caught up in the cycle of reacting angrily. Acknowledge the feelings the person is expressing just as they are without judgment. Then listen for any necessary or practical information that is embedded in their outburst that you can respond to in a productive way.
At the same time, don’t pretend that you are unfeeling to their anger either. Notice what reactions stir inside you when they go on a tirade. Breathe as you feel what is happening in your body. Recognize that the strong feelings that arise are based on are defensive responses to protect the limited and conditioned version of your old self. Your true self is not threatened and needs no protection. With that in mind, keep breathing to release the old conditioning.
Eventually, you will get good at using these angry encounters to clear the debris of your old self and thereby open yourself to the greater love that is there inside you.
Love,
Deepak
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Angry People.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Just want to get your view on how do you deal with angry people? I have this colleague who is constantly angry and insulting. Before I used to answer back at her and get even more angry. Now I keep on showing love and cooperative attitude, while she is still angry – okay maybe just a little bit calmer. I keep on telling myself that there is not much she can do to me, as I decide myself not to be impacted. But it takes nerves of steel to manage it, I must admit.
Answer:
The key is to not take it personally, no matter how specifically it is directed at you. Their anger is an expression of their own frustration in life. If you can maintain respect and compassion for the hurt person behind the anger, then you can avoid getting caught up in the cycle of reacting angrily. Acknowledge the feelings the person is expressing just as they are without judgment. Then listen for any necessary or practical information that is embedded in their outburst that you can respond to in a productive way.
At the same time, don’t pretend that you are unfeeling to their anger either. Notice what reactions stir inside you when they go on a tirade. Breathe as you feel what is happening in your body. Recognize that the strong feelings that arise are based on are defensive responses to protect the limited and conditioned version of your old self. Your true self is not threatened and needs no protection. With that in mind, keep breathing to release the old conditioning.
Eventually, you will get good at using these angry encounters to clear the debris of your old self and thereby open yourself to the greater love that is there inside you.
Love,
Deepak
Dear Deepak, How does one address this when the person is verbally abusive. I have been in such a relationship, and at first I practiced this approach. Until the point that it felt that standing in it with them seemed like it just enabled them to keep talking to me with anger, and in turn it would bring me further and further into my own doubt and pain. In addition their outburst would become more aggressive. At some point compassion for them felt like it was hurting me.
Dear Deepak, How does one address this when the person is verbally abusive. I have been in such a relationship, and at first I practiced this approach. Until the point that it felt that standing in it with them seemed like it just enabled them to keep talking to me with anger, and in turn it would bring me further and further into my own doubt and pain. In addition their outburst would become more aggressive. At some point compassion for them felt like it was hurting me.
Defensive/Angry people are always difficult for me because they remind me of my mother`s anger/rage so it is hard not to take responsibility for it. I have always walked away thinking what have i done wrong to deserve that and unlearning that has been my lesson. I had to learn and feel that i did nothing wrong to deserve their angry response. Their response is always about them, no matter what! And once once does this, and truly believes this within, then if frees you to respond in a childlike non-threatening way which is just reflecting THEIR reality back to them and just say, "What is the defensiveness/anger all about?" . . . it seems so easy, but has taken me so long to be able to do this naturally. I think also though that you have to let go of the outcome as to whether they can answer you. And if they can not, then you have to let go and wait for them to come to you or not come to you. I think there is a good chance that the relationship may end because they may not be able to learn their lesson and grow. And that is not your responsibility either and you have to face your fear of not having them around anymore which is another reason, i think, that this is so hard to do in the first place. Deep down we know that the other person may not be able to grow with us anymore.