Taking A Courageous Step.

Question:

I have always a rather anxious and shy person, but still managed to successfully work in psychiatry, even doing group therapies successfully.
In order to finish my specialization, I have to do a “self-experience” workshop” for psychotherapy (though that is not the focus of my work). I am very much afraid of this, feeling ashamed of a “broken home”
childhood and   and other deficits I see in myself. I have done such workshops before, but amidst colleagues, I am close to panicking.
I started the workshop most colleagues had done. The leader, known for “aligning” future colleagues by tough means, did his best to enhance all my lack of self-assurance. I felt so threatened and confused that I had to give up the workshop to avoid getting hospitalized myself. I still feel very insecure in situations I have handled well for years. And I still have to do the workshop (with another leader) urgently. It seems that this issue addresses my inner child directly, and all my resources as an adult, all
self-instruction, yoga etc. just fail. Why do I allow such a guy to hurt me so much and how can I give confidence to that inner child? Maybe, should I just allow myself to be shy and insecure as it did not keep me from doing my job and coping with the necessity of daily life?