Spiritual Progress.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
Dear Deepak, I wanted to ask you a question about my spiritual progress: I am a 23-year-old young man and I live in Canada. Just to give you a background, I went through 3 years of intense suffering, with my mind full of depression, anxiety, poor sense of self etc. It was triggered by a sudden onset of obsessive and compulsive thoughts. The thoughts (or the entire body of thought) created an intense psycho-somatic area of pain within my body. I suffered cluelessly and aimlessly until I discovered your work and work of other spiritual teachers. I started practicing non-judgement and self-acceptance, eventually I had an experience of radiant love and light that flooded my entire being. I was absolutely sure it was of divine origin. For around 18 months I meditation constantly and had many of these deep experiences of bliss. One day the experiences got so powerful, so beautiful, and I got intense bliss vibrating through my whole spine. As if something outside me was speaking for me, by whole body voiced a long “om” chant (though it sounded a lot like the chanting I hear in churches or the call of the Islamic muezzin as well) I felt I discovered the primal sound, and it kept vibrating through my being for hours. Eventually, the pain that I was carrying with me for years had been shed. Miraculously, something which was diagnosed as OCD and hence incurable-was effectively cured. I felt bliss for many weeks, but that bliss subsided. The spot where there was once tremendous pain is no longer there but a deep emptiness has taken its place. I no longer feel things so deeply. I don’t get very upset but I don’t get very happy either. I’m content to just let things be. However, a part of me feels a little defeated and apathetic. While I was in extreme suffering, I had this hope that I was on a journey of learning and beauty was on its way-and my experiences verified this. But I feel at the end of this road I have found a more or less end of that kind of suffering, but not true peace. And yet while I have not true peace, I still lack the intense passion needed for that depth of spiritual practice. It’s as though there is not enough joy for happiness yet not enough pain for spiritual healing. When I have meditated, I have not had experiences of transcendence /intense radiance after that. This is what limbo feels like. Do you have any recommendations for moving ahead?
Response:
This was indeed a profound and beautiful experience of awakening. The feelings and sensations you had, as well as the healing of OCD were a by-product of the non-mental, non-physical recognition of your true self. The inner spiritual awakening is not a physical, mental or emotional experience. The spirit does not need healing; it is always whole and inviolable. Those blissful experiences come as the consequence of the release and relaxing of the old conditioning we have held onto.
After the intense bliss fades away, and the old suffering is gone, our silent self is awake and shining, but because we are so accustomed to looking to mind or body experiences, we often go through a period of feeling a little disoriented and empty. In fact, the silent quiescent is full and complete. This true self is your anchor and center. It is the source of peace, passion, love, and joy. As you easily continue to live from your quiet self, these beautiful qualities will gradually seep into your mind, your heart, and your world. You will know the peace you seek by being that peace.
Love,
Deepak
