Loss of Spiritual Inspiration.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I work myself as a natural healer in the south of Germany and my wife and me have a praxis on our own.
My first contact with the thought of spirituality was at the age of 17/18 in the form of shamanism, later I did practice Buddhism (vipassana) and finally I read the Autobiography of Paramahansa Yogananda, what made me orientate in a new way in feeling spirituality and enlightenment: as something non-confessional, as something that is neutral to human thinking… .
That was the time, when I got to my last teacher, who is also natural healer, master in meditation and a great source of spiritual knowledge.
I admit, that I did never let the personal bondage get too tight, because I took to heart, what her teaching taught me:
Freedom is the highest good! Now I got my (our) praxis since about over one year and we make it quite well (o.k., it could be better,but I always have a little or little more sorrow, because my trust in life was always a big topic in my whole trying to get unfolded in this life.) We do well with our children (two 6-year old girls) and our material wealth is always enough to have a good comfort.
Now here it comes: the big “BUT”!
I practice meditation since I am 19 years old. I always had my inner fightings with discipline (in school, with teachers and life at all), sometimes it seems, that with every year I did practice my inner resistance seems to grow.
Now I reached a big aim in my life (own praxis) and I can´t get the tension to keep it upright as I wish to. Where is my wish for enlightenment, peace and inner freedom gone? Meditation is good, as long as I practice, but the point of doing it, the NOW gets so much lethargy or resistance that I do not recognize me anymore.
I am 39 years old, did study Psychology, Physiotherapy and Natural Healing, I am allowed to call me Meditation-Teacher, but right now I feel far away from that.
Response:
If I understand you correctly, you are concerned that your desire and motivation for enlightenment and spiritual practice has disappeared after 20 years of diligent focus. As it turns out, this is actually a good sign and it is a necessary stage of growth which we all go through. This is because even though our burning drive and inspiration for spiritual freedom is required to get us firmly on the path, it is still an ego story we create and then identify with, and as grow beyond those ego identifications, we drop those stories we have created to push us along. It is your association with those ideals that are now become drained of their life that is now making you feel like you don’t recognize yourself anymore. In fact, you are only losing false ideas about yourself and coming into your authentic free Self. You said your meditations are good, it’s only that you don’t feel like your old self because you are not inspired for freedom the way you were before. You don’t need that inspiration for freedom anymore when you have stepped into freedom. Don’t be confused by the loss of your old self, claim the truth of who you are now, and all this doubt will vanish like smoke in the wind.
Love,
Deepak
