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April 17 2013

Perfectly Imperfect Parents - Bullying

Category:  Perfectly Imperfect Parents

How do we talk to our kids about bullying? How is bullying on social media different from other forms of bullying and how do parents deal with it?
In this episode of Perfectly Imperfect Parents, the three co-hosts discuss the prevalence of bullying and what parents can do to ensure a positive school experience for their children. Keep the conversation going by posting your questions and thoughts in the comments section below!

Top comments

  • That's so cool my 13 year-old daughter produced an anti-bullying music video, featuring Josh Sussman/Glee, please watch

    Sara Worrall // 2013-02-08 01:39:43 // //
  • well said Aurora =)

    // 2013-02-13 22:20:17 // //



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  • What would you have told your parents if you knew you wouldn’t have been in trouble? The Trust Journal gives your child the chance that we never had. This journal encourages communication and builds trust while they are young, so when they are older and issues become more serious, they will know exactly who they can turn to for help!

    Summer Germann // 2013-05-20 19:56:14 // //
  • one day when i grow ill know better just not right you know so when that one day comes you will know more you know wont have to cry so much will be almost there almost there ha ha ha ha

    Derek Elj // 2013-04-20 04:47:02 // //
  • Summer, taking a two by four across the head of your child repeatedly is wrong so we can at least put the nonjudgmental nonsense away. There IS a wrong way to raise your child. If you think somethings wrong and you need help, ask for it. Ask Adam Lanza's mom what doing nothing will do. Booyah.

    Phillip Johnson // 2013-04-18 16:58:57 // //
  • u r right Summer Lovin...

    Nivedita Lal // 2013-04-18 07:58:05 // //
  • There is no wrong or right way to parent YOUR CHILD. We all come from different backgrounds, cultures, and status. What works for Summer, may not work for Michele, and what works for Joe, may not work for Barry. Parenting is a journey and takes a life time to understand, because even the so called experts haven't got all the answers, no matter how qualified they think they are.

    Summer Lovin // 2013-04-17 16:24:10 // //
  • sounds like my own.

    Sonique Singh // 2013-04-17 16:15:40 // //
  • How have I missed these?!?!?! Thank you for posting the link. <3

    Melanee Carmella Packard // 2013-04-17 16:06:33 // //
  • Little kids cant take a punch anyvody weak or strong cant hirt anyone at little stage

    // 2013-04-06 08:09:25 // //
  • I have three older brothers and my dad just said to us "if anybody punches you punch them right back"

    lila flamma
    // 2013-03-17 23:58:36 // //
  • My mom completely ignores me, then talks about the devil and brands crosses on my skin. :P *sigh*

    Jacob Collins
    // 2013-03-14 21:36:41 // //
  • 1. You can learn several forms of martial arts to defend yourself without causing serious harm to your attacker. They should be only used if absolutely necessary. 2. Ask yourself and your attacker, why on earth they want to attack you, and say to them `clearly the more horrible things you say to me the more you think horrible things about yourself`. Ask them what they are hiding? what`s going on at home, we all have issues but we don`t have to take them out on other people - it`s pathetic.

    Chloe Kc
    // 2013-03-02 08:40:19 // //
  • I sincerely thought before watching this that there would be some useful information on HOW to teach your children to defend themselves from bullying, HOW to stop your child from being a bully, and HOW to prevent bullying in the first place. I am disgusted that you could even suggest physical violence as a method to stop someone invading your physical space. As mothers, you pass your insecurities to your children, if a parent is doing a good job, their child will neither bully nor be bullied.

    Chloe Kc
    // 2013-03-02 08:32:25 // //
  • Everyone is a victim of bullying at some point.  We believe in strength, positive awareness and support for all victims. Never let bullying consume your positive believes or outlook on life. Don`t ever hesitate to ask for help. Stay positive and it will be overcome.

    Cookiee J
    // 2013-02-27 15:46:08 // //
  • Hello, for me , i always tell my kids never start a fight ,but to defend themselves , but I believe showing love and kindness is the best to affect that bullying one! Or just go away from him , it`s challenging but violence never the solution in my opinion , parents ,teachers ,schools ,all should cooperate to help! God bless!

    Joy // 2013-02-19 13:36:58 // //
  • Love your conversations! Looking forward for next ones , thanks for the goodness you are bringing to the world, god bless!

    Joy // 2013-02-19 13:28:35 // //
  • I wish North Americans were more like Indian people meaning that I personally believe Indian people focus more on family & connection. The Internet has changed things for people and they go looking for what they desire and some people end up here and others on that other "U" site. We have one occasion per year that ties us together & society istrying to make little of that by saying it`s a joke because it has religious ties. My family is not religious but it`s the only time we see each other.

    // 2013-02-15 14:22:45 // //
  • I love how the title says `PERFECTLY IMPERFECT PARENTS` but only moms are present in this movie... I really liked the intro movie how dads are only in the picture

    // 2013-02-15 07:56:42 // //
  • My parents just told me that if someone attacked me or kept calling me bad things, punch them in the face :)

    // 2013-02-15 01:33:41 // //
  • Found it on Youtube of course :) Awesome. Bullying is not cool, not for those who do it, not for those who are on the receiving end. But "Who do you think you are" is best answered with "I`m not anything anyone can ever say about me" ;)

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-14 03:29:30 // //
  • Make sure you understand that if they treat you disrespectfully, it`s about them and not about you. Respect and love yourself, go to the administration and ask them to talk to the teachers. But no matter what happens, be respectful and clear towards yourself and everyone else when asking for a good learning environment- and then you have done what you can.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-14 03:20:14 // //
  • well said Aurora =)

    // 2013-02-13 22:20:17 // //
  • That`s no good! Try speaking with the school administration who can then speak with the teachers. It`s inappropriate for those in authority to abuse their power in that way.

    The Chopra Well
    // 2013-02-13 12:00:21 // //
  • I hope she is emphasizing the need to have compassion for bullies and not become bullies on the bullies by demeaning or shaming them or guilting...Bullies are bullies because they believe they have no voice or no power, someone: a sibling or parent or teacher is creating pain and a feeling of weakness in their lives and so they exert it onto others. Love is the ONLY answer.

    Raminderpreet Kaur // 2013-02-13 11:32:34 // //
  • We can CREATE positive change...Check it out...! Cypress Ranch High School Anti-Bullying Lip Dub "Who Do U Think U R?"

    Dean Allan Slickis
    // 2013-02-13 07:17:09 // //
  • excellent show!!!!!!!!!must see!!!

    Basilica Phocas // 2013-02-13 03:57:06 // //
  • If children learned how to meditate in elementary school this would probably less of an issue. Self awareness, self empowerment, compassion and confidence would increase and bullying would decrease.

    Find Your Inner Joy Meditation // 2013-02-13 01:51:04 // //
  • What do you do when the teachers (2) at a high school are doing the bullying in class?

    // 2013-02-12 23:14:24 // //
  • Puedes mandarme los mensajes en Español? Desde yá Gracias.

    Nancy Salvo // 2013-02-12 20:33:11 // //
  • why is the focus always on the bullying rather than focussing on how to build resilience?

    7 week fitness and lifestyle challenge // 2013-02-12 16:58:43 // //
  • Oh this picture. :(.

    Anissa Bartels Pollard // 2013-02-12 16:39:25 // //
  • When adults exhibit these kinds of behaviors it's called harassment and assault. There are laws in place to deal with things like this. Believe it or not but there laws in place to deal with minors who assault and harass people too. The best thing you can probably do for all concerned is to go to the authorities. Schools don't want to tarnish their reputations by documenting these incidents and parents don't want to admit that their child is a bully. If you report it you let your child know how to deal with things using the proper channels and the bully will get the help that they need.

    Sheila Haynes // 2013-02-12 16:23:44 // //
  • <3

    We are on the same journey // 2013-02-12 16:12:09 // //
  • I think these things happen for everyone with children, but it is only a reflection of our society unconsciously absorbed by our children.

    Djalma Luiz Gentile Mendes // 2013-02-12 16:07:54 // //
  • That's great it's happening so much,that sometimes we don't even recognize the signs.

    Taty Santiago // 2013-02-12 16:04:39 // //
  • Lets have the show explain these things in a positive way so while discussing the manifestaion is a great one instead of dwelling.

    Pam Blackman // 2013-02-12 16:04:17 // //
  • okay.....

    // 2013-02-12 15:48:03 // //
  • there are some people who are emotioanly vulerable and have behavioral problems that draw attintion to themself. you should try very hard to protect and coddle them. they are the ones who need a lot of help. no matter what they do. no matter how innaproperate they may be acting. no matter how foolish they seem to be. because nobody does anything that deserves to be picked on. even if they like to run around and scream at people for fun. or be 10 and act "slutty" for youtube.

    // 2013-02-12 10:31:19 // //
  • I`m not a church person but I have found out that we are lovable and also loved no matter what we do. We all do all kinds of things, we can be smart and stupid, kind and mean, but we all do the best we can at the moment, don`t we? We also judge many natural, normal things as wrong, and we are often taught to judge harshly. We need to remember that we are wonderful just as we are. Do you feel the relief when you forgive and love yourself?

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-12 03:48:35 // //
  • no one is perfect, and no one is a sait, she did alot of wrong things that where the complete oposite of saint. are you a church person?

    // 2013-02-11 22:33:39 // //
  • I will tell you this. I am 61 years younger and I was bullied as a child. My parents did not understand and of course my behavior stemed from being bullied. It took a long time for me to recover. I am very thankful for who I AM today. There is an Identity Crisis in the educational system. When children from a young age are taught who they are and their values.... I believe it would help in not being bullied. Today I am defined by my present moment... not my past. The educational system should be a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE.

    gladys cruz // 2013-02-10 08:27:41 // //
  • I`m glad to hear that. I hope all young people learn that they are perfect and lovable as they are, no matter what anyone says or does.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-09 17:42:53 // //
  • Glad to see that she is taking on such an important issue. Compassionate children become compassionate adults some day. I think that all kids should be taught how to meditate in elementary school. It would help to improve their cognitive abilities as well as instill feelings of love for themselves and others.

    Find Your Inner Joy Meditation // 2013-02-09 16:17:02 // //
  • yeah... something like that.

    // 2013-02-09 15:22:24 // //
  • I think we can, and we hopefully do as often as we can. Mallika starts with saying "You can`t be a good parent if you`re not present". Present means mindful of the pure presence beyond surface roles- age, gender, skin color, size of body/muscles, etc and beyond judgment of them. A "good" parent or human being is one that is present beyond all labels of anyone involved. When we are there, we know compassion, unity, joy and also see the real solutions to any conflict: the return to presence.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-09 09:03:55 // //
  • I taught my son from a very young age that no-one can make you feel bad without your consent. The 'bully' is more scared of everyone else and quickly learns to use aggression as a defense. The soft hands approach helps to establish trust and ultimately defuses the aggression.

    Joanna van der Drift // 2013-02-09 03:05:13 // //
  • Thanks guys =). The groups I run are "coping skills" and "self discovery" ... Spirituality has helped shape my approach to mental health. DBT (which focuses on mindfulness) and Positive psychology are exactly what compassion focused therapy entails as well.... It`s so hard for some people to understand the suffering these kids go through, how can we not approach this except with compassion

    Farhan Qureshi
    // 2013-02-08 18:28:51 // //
  • I agree that we need some male perspective. As a single dad I can tell you that sexism is alive and well concerning people`s ingrained beliefs about the inability of men to care for and nurture children as well as a belief that women make the best caregivers.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 17:42:17 // //
  • That is at the heart of compassion focused therapy, developing compassion for oneself and others and being free from judgement through practicing mindfulness. So yes, we can, but we don`t. As long as we live in a male dominated patriarchal society, we have to work with what we`ve got, and gender is relevant if not defining.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 16:31:33 // //
  • Do you wish she had found the strength to not let such things wear her down? Are you saying that you wish she had continued to live? I think we all do.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 15:10:04 // //
  • Don`t you think that we can practice looking at each other as expressions of the same sacred life, regardless of our (many) differences? It would not require anyone else to change, it would just take a shift in our own perspective, and that means we ourselves have the power to free ourselves from the fascination with surface differences.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 15:03:13 // //
  • Yes and no. I very much believe in being cautious about gender typing, it`s very engrained and hard to get away from(boy=blue, girl =pink, its present even before birth). As far as understanding the emotions and reactions however, the differing socialization strategies applied to males and females makes for very distinct communication styles and thought organization, this is true for cultural differences as well. While non-gender related philosophy is ideal, it`s somewhat impractical.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 14:41:37 // //
  • Thank you! So if I understand you right, you too think that we would benefit from seeing each other less as divided into genders and more as equal human beings. We would then treat our children as equally valuable, lovable and strong regardless of their gender. We would also see 3 human beings in the video above discussing bullying, each with a unique and valuable perspective. Does this approximate what you are envisioning?

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 14:34:00 // //
  • This is very unhelpful. Please do not devalue someone`s experience. We are social animals, and social rejection can be devastating. Historically, ostracization or rejection from the group meant death. It is not hard for me to reason out why someone would be suffering very deeply or be fearful that they were unworthy of love and acceptance.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 14:26:37 // //
  • We need to focus on our similarities rather than our differences. We need to undo the cult of masculinity and the practice of hegemonic masculinity. We need more men to be aware of the fact that they are the biggest providers of gender typing and the communication and enforcement of gender norms. We need to teach compassion, which is why I advocate and practice compassion focused therapy. Children need help understanding their emotions and need ways in which to handle difficult emotions.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 14:21:41 // //
  • no offense but i think amanda todd was a very stupid girl because she killed herself. so what? people suffer alot more every day and they continue living! i find her case and cases off many others that kill themselfs bullshit.

    // 2013-02-08 14:19:28 // //
  • I am studying and attempting to adapt a therapy model for children based on compassion focused therapy. In my experience bullying is mostly related to what`s going on at home and the socialization and coping strategies of the parents. Hegemonic masculinity is a potent factor in shaping the lives of young boys and their perspectives and is especially dominant in western culture. Bully`s are shown to suffer almost as much as their victims, it`s bi-directional. Increase support networks for them.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 14:16:15 // //
  • My response to the bullying problem: The Kindness Movement! Join now:

    Lissa Coffey // 2013-02-08 14:02:45 // //
  • Would you like to describe the cultural perspective shift you refer to? What do you think needs to change in our perspective?

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 13:57:33 // //
  • I raised a boy and a girl trying to make them aware of each others differences AND similarities. Also trying to make them able to enliven themselves into one another`s inner world. I let my daughter play with boys toys and my son with dolls. It`s great to see both my children received a girl and a boy also and are continuing this evolutionary path........

    // 2013-02-08 13:49:03 // //
  • Well, in my country (the Netherlands) we now have a generation parents who both have a job and try to divide the raising of their children and domestic tasks between themselves. Women most of the time still have a part-time job, while men work full week. Many men (fathers) though have opted for a so-called "Daddy`s"day which means: one day in the week they are at home taking care for the children and the household.....

    // 2013-02-08 13:44:41 // //
  • Thank you for your comment! As a father, what advice would you give regarding bullying? And re. having a male perspective, that`s definitely crucial. Deepak Chorpra guest appears in several of the episodes, which will add a bit of that. But also keep in mind that these three mothers are not all just "women," they each have very unique perspectives, backgrounds and approaches to parenting. Hope you keep watching the show!

    The Chopra Well
    // 2013-02-08 12:14:27 // //
  • That sounds like some amazing work you`re doing. Thank you for sharing! Be well, and good luck with everything!

    The Chopra Well
    // 2013-02-08 12:11:25 // //
  • Which is why I feel you need both perspectives for balance. Bullying is not a simple power struggle but can encompass the child`s environment and upbringing. To combat it you need a massive cultural perspective shift, which I believe requires men and women working together to effect change and produce solutions/suggestions. A woman can never fully understand the life of a boy and vice versa.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 11:39:44 // //
  • I agree that it`s going to take all of us, and also that understanding is important. But we are all complete human beings beyond our differences of gender (and all else), and it is that completeness within that will make our children, girls and boys, be strong enough in their own selves to end any kind of judgment and separation. Women alone can`t end bullying, men can`t do it either, only our higher common humanity can.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 11:27:41 // //
  • Kindness and respect are such important values - very much a part of our message too :-). @IRespectOnline

    Fiona Lucas // 2013-02-08 11:12:23 // //
  • I would encourage you to look into Compassion Focused Therapy.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 10:45:52 // //
  • If you think you can reason out a social problem and leave gender out of it, then you might want to do some further research into the human animal. The way to end judging is through understanding, the way to understand is to have a comprehensive discussion that includes both male and female perspectives. Bullying, like domestic violence, is not going to be solved by women. Think of women`s suffrage, without the men, their movement would have gone nowhere or taken much longer to accomplish.

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 10:42:46 // //
  • Alright then. I apologize. Upon initially reading that comment, it sounded sexist. So thank you for explaining. :)

    // 2013-02-08 10:38:13 // //
  • Dani did mention her husband`s perspective, but I think we need to figure out these things deep in our heart, regardless of our gender- conditioned perspective. Males often hit with fists and want to fight back when attacked while females rather use words to hurt and want to run away when abused- but beyond such gender tendency - how will we end the painful judging of self or other which is "bullying"?

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 02:23:01 // //
  • Such wonderful work you do Farhan! Wishing you great success in helping these adolescents.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-08 02:15:09 // //
  • That's so cool my 13 year-old daughter produced an anti-bullying music video, featuring Josh Sussman/Glee, please watch

    Sara Worrall // 2013-02-08 01:39:43 // //
  • I mean if you`re going to have a discussion about parenting and bullying, wouldn`t a male perspective be helpful?

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-08 00:13:17 // //
  • fantasic thank u

    Karl van Der Walt // 2013-02-08 00:12:27 // //
  • I spent this last year cyberbullied by a 50 yr old adult who slandered me and I know how easy it is to let the lies get into the thinking and self image. I am 49 and I don`t think I would have done near as well as a teen. It has taken a year for me to get a handel on the idea that I let her in my head. It is not her space and I have since kicked her out but have to be vigilant to keep my mind mine!

    // 2013-02-08 00:05:40 // //
  • Thanks for spreading awareness deepak

    John Little // 2013-02-07 23:31:40 // //
  • Great...

    Jane Davis // 2013-02-07 22:49:49 // //
  • Building their self esteem and confidence through positive reinforcements is a must. Always acknowledge their talents and when they do well. Tell them they are beautiful and awesome.

    Farhan Qureshi
    // 2013-02-07 22:10:29 // //
  • Thanks Malika; I work in a psychiatric unit with adolescents at Hopkins where patients who cut themselves, suicidal ideation and victims of bullying is a norm. Building their self-esteem,

    Farhan Qureshi
    // 2013-02-07 22:08:59 // //
  • Awesome!

    Malaica Valiente // 2013-02-07 19:12:50 // //
  • This has to be one of the most important causes. Kids need to taught the value of kindness by adults willing to be the example.

    Joshua Vanderkroef // 2013-02-07 17:03:27 // //
  • I love all the work Deepak has done, But just for once, i would like him out of our heads and have him use his considerable influence and intellect to comment and provide leadership on some of the real, earth bound challenges our societies face. ( like Gandhi did) For example Deepak in favour of the KXL Pipeline? Does he support idle No More? Peace.

    Tom Marcantonio // 2013-02-07 16:19:45 // //
  • Awesomepost!

    Erica Wynn // 2013-02-07 16:19:29 // //
  • this is so wonderful! I am so happy to see this particular disharmony addressed. the more light, the better <3 Thank you so much Dr. Chopra.

    Alf Vitaro // 2013-02-07 16:15:19 // //
  • Wow, I needed this level of awareness as a child.

    Rosalind Vaughn // 2013-02-07 16:08:50 // //
  • Bullying is quite an insidious problem.It would be a wonderful thing for ethics to be taught to children from early schooldays

    Sandy Hollis // 2013-02-07 16:08:00 // //
  • How wonderful! Congratulations.

    Lisa Plummer // 2013-02-07 16:06:48 // //
  • NEED IT !!!

    Mireles Vicky // 2013-02-07 16:06:25 // //
  • very interesting, thanks!

    Nick Van Jones // 2013-02-07 16:04:19 // //
  • thank you info

    Mariann Boda Toth // 2013-02-07 16:03:55 // //
  • that is heartbreaking... omgosh

    // 2013-02-07 14:52:08 // //
  • omgosh mallika. i want your shirt. but maybe it wouldn`t look as good on me as you. i`m too pale, so i need to wear darker colors. but those colors look amazing on you! i have no kids other than furry animals, but i`ll forward this to my brother : )

    // 2013-02-07 14:46:01 // //
  • Thank you for your comment! We`re so glad you enjoyed the episode - new episodes come out every Thursday!

    The Chopra Well
    // 2013-02-07 14:33:47 // //
  • I would like to see this discussion developing with men and women equally. Nowadays men do have more input in the raising of their kids and the balance is found in a female and male approach to this...........I speak from experience because if parents do not agree in a mutual way of raising their kids, you have a basic problem...

    // 2013-02-07 14:16:15 // //
  • What do you mean by that?

    // 2013-02-07 14:05:27 // //
  • Society teaches dual, schizophrenic type thought, actions and comprehension of our world which isn`t two dimensional; this causes disturbances, competition and eventually conflict within ourselves and others. A better way would be holistic, unicity or oneness way of life.

    // 2013-02-07 13:58:21 // //
  • Where are the men?

    Sugar Shane
    // 2013-02-07 13:39:14 // //
  • I absolutely loved this episode, if anything- it was too short! This is a hugely important topic and finding good ways to tackle bullying means finding the way to peaceful societies in the future. The tips presented were great, I would only add that if the child grows up to be completely loved and acknowledged at home, it has more chances to not fall into self-denial due to bullying, and might even be able to help heal bullies through compassionate response to their cry for love.

    Aurora Carlson
    // 2013-02-07 02:54:11 // //