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December 08 2012

Thirty Days Of Intent - Forgiving Yourself

Category:  Thirty Days Of Intent

Imagine the person you love most in your life, the person you pour your time and affection into. Think about all the energy and care you put into your relationship with this person, the mistakes you’ve forgiven, the flaws you’ve come to cherish. What a gift it is to love. And what a gift for that person to be loved by you.

Now consider this… Do you love yourself as completely and effortlessly as you love this other person? Imagine having that immense reservoir of attention and care on hand at all times, available to dip into whenever you need it. In the latest episode of 30 DAYS OF INTENT on The Chopra Well, Natalie and Iman meet with counselor Alyssa Nobriga for a lesson in self-forgiveness, perhaps one of the most powerful tools of self-care.

Many think self-love is just a form of narcissism, but the purest love knows no conceit. From a spiritual perspective, loving the self communicates humility and gratitude to whatever force gives us life. From a pragmatic perspective, studies show that self-forgiveness reduces procrastination, helps us break negative habits, and promotes personal growth.

Top comments

  • Thank you Alyssa, I have been studying Psychology and specifically spiritual psychology for almost 20 years now. However, even as I practice forgiving myself, I sometimes wonder if i am truly connected.. Intellectually I got it and always get it. I think with me, some things run deep and keep surfacing for me i.e shames and some personal guilts.. So, with some things I still struggle, and I was wondering if you found that with some clients there is almost a pleasure in the suffering that prevents genuine self foriveness. Almost like the guilt of past mistakes or shameful unconscious ones, are being paid for by non forgiveness and a sadistic pleasure in the unwillingness or inability to let go and forgive..

    Craig // 2012-12-09 02:23:27 // //
  • Get a copy of Deepak's latest book, Super Brain. It's great.

    Jerry Levin // 2012-12-08 18:27:33 // //



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  • Self-Acceptance has definetly been a process for me. Being a former addict in my active addiction in addition to growing up in a dysfunctional is all too easy to fall back into the old patterns and behaviors of self-loathing, worthlessness etc..Today I am learning to "put the bat down", and am a little less critical of myself and others. ie; Forgivness and Self-Acceptance go hand in hand for me. I had to first begin by allowing myself to "feel" my feelings, the good, bad and the ugly, which was very painful and definetly unfamiliar. By learning self-acceptance and forgiveness on a deep level resolves my need for perfection. I can list my assets today as well as my character defects. By Forgiving myself I can now forgive others, and I know from my own experience that harboring those resentments is slow, relentless torture. Besides the word itself says; "resent me"! Stay Blessed and go be that blessing one another. OneLove..jen (xnavygal)

    xnavygal // 2014-02-04 11:34:37 // //
  • I suffered greatly from self-condemnation until I had an encounter with my mother who had passed on to the other side. From her enlightened perspective out of the body, she taught me this: Self-condemnation is rooted in pride. It`s based on the idea "I`m too good to have made that kind of mistake. Others can and do. But not me." When we accept that we are, like all people, learning to balance our human and spiritual natures and in the process we can make big and small errors, that we are not immune to this any more than anyone else, then this remorse has a chance of being transformed into compassion for oneself which produces a powerful determination to live according to one`s new, higher perception. For just as Pride leads to self-condemnation, humility leads to self-forgiveness. It also helps to remember that the greatest saint among us had at one time or another, in some lifetime, a transformation of his or her being where all things became clear, and any words or deeds less than noble were revealed to them in stark detail. Seeing our errors, feeling remorse, and forgiving ourselves as we would forgive another person, is part of that same process the most enlightened ones have undergone. In this way we are all ultimately no greater than any sinner or less than any saint. Read "Transforming Resmorse" in Book Three of the series "The Team: A Mother`s Wisdom from the Other Side" ... Peace to you... Frances

    The Team Books // 2013-02-25 20:52:54 // //
  • Or will the hurt simply compound, and magnify in the future to turn from a little cub into a dangerous tiger that will eat you up?

    Oli Ver
    // 2012-12-20 03:57:22 // //
  • What I was thinking was does having some hurt help?For instance, something adverse happens because you did not have a skill set. Following that, you attempt to become a master on that skill set, and in doing so, you become really good at what you once did not have. And this happened because of the passion you had that came from that hurt. I wonder, is having that kind of hurt helpful in becoming a better person?

    Oli Ver
    // 2012-12-20 03:56:20 // //
  • So glad you like the show!

    // 2012-12-17 17:14:58 // //
  • These webisodes are addicting!

    // 2012-12-15 06:57:11 // //
  • Another wonderful initiative by Deepak Chopra. He`s such an insightful leader and worthy of us following him. I`m in. How about you? Hope you will join him/us.

    Anita Hermesch
    // 2012-12-12 05:00:22 // //
  • You`re right, it can be difficult to work through old regrets and guilt. What Alyssa seemed to be saying, though, is that we can decide to work toward self-forgiveness and take those first steps toward healing. That doesn`t mean it will be easy, but it can be relatively simple to at least set that intention. Hope that helps!

    // 2012-12-11 17:55:30 // //
  • Hm... Click below the video where it says "Share," then either copy the URL or the embed code depending on how you want it included. If it still reverts to the previous episode, see if the "share playlist from top of playlist" button is clicked and unclick it if so. Let us know if you`re still having trouble with it.

    // 2012-12-11 17:52:24 // //
  • It isn`t so easy to forgive yourself-how can you make it sound so easy?

    // 2012-12-11 02:11:42 // //
  • Hello, I am trying to link this specific video onto my blog for an open discussion and to write what i forgive myself for, but for some reason, the video reverts to the last episode instead of this one. Help please =]

    // 2012-12-11 00:28:59 // //
  • Thank you Alyssa, I had no clue there was a school in Santa Monica, I don`t live far from there. I will be checking out the website. Thank you again :-)

    // 2012-12-09 22:52:44 // //
  • Thank you :-)

    // 2012-12-09 21:54:40 // //
  • :)

    Ni Andra DqAf Davis // 2012-12-09 15:44:47 // //
  • Ni Andra DqAf Davis

    Maraliz Collazo-Salgado // 2012-12-09 15:43:01 // //
  • :)

    Sexy Spirituality // 2012-12-09 11:01:17 // //
  • :)

    Sarah Verwei // 2012-12-09 09:48:39 // //
  • and accept that you have created everything around you ..and i mean everything and let go ...

    Marjut Shweeke // 2012-12-09 05:56:30 // //
  • Thank you Alyssa, I have been studying Psychology and specifically spiritual psychology for almost 20 years now. However, even as I practice forgiving myself, I sometimes wonder if i am truly connected.. Intellectually I got it and always get it. I think with me, some things run deep and keep surfacing for me i.e shames and some personal guilts.. So, with some things I still struggle, and I was wondering if you found that with some clients there is almost a pleasure in the suffering that prevents genuine self foriveness. Almost like the guilt of past mistakes or shameful unconscious ones, are being paid for by non forgiveness and a sadistic pleasure in the unwillingness or inability to let go and forgive..

    Craig // 2012-12-09 02:23:27 // //
  • You are correct in that taking responsibility is essential. Unfortunately most people believe that by beating themselves up they will change their "past mistakes". I have found this approach to be more compassionate and effective, while still taking responsibly. Just something to consider...

    Alyssa Nobriga
    // 2012-12-08 22:27:38 // //
  • This is a big one in our culture! I have found this core story of "not good enough" has many ways of showing itself, for example: I`m not good enough ____fill in the blank, They`re not ____ enough or Somehow a feeling that something is wrong... I so support you in unhooking this misunderstanding! Blessings

    Alyssa Nobriga
    // 2012-12-08 22:25:01 // //
  • Yes great question, I hear it all the time. The critic has a bad wrap, it`s like an innocent child just trying to protect you. Discover what it wants for you and stay true to that deeper intention instead of using criticism as the means. It`s not bad, it`s just not effective. I`ll be sharing a video that goes into this further within the next 2 weeks on the Intent Blog as well as my You Tube Channel. Feel free to keep an eye open for it if you`re interested.

    Alyssa Nobriga
    // 2012-12-08 22:20:11 // //
  • Yes The University of Santa Monica. You can find them at: Powerful program.... I highly recommend!!! All the best, Alyssa

    Alyssa Nobriga
    // 2012-12-08 22:16:57 // //
  • It"s reat.

    Betty Balletbo // 2012-12-08 22:16:08 // //
  • Not only realize it ...but more important then hero worship you"ve got to work at it intend to Be a good kind person and you don't need an intercepter for that, do the work. Be Good, Kind, Loving, Beautiful, Grateful, Humble you've got to do the work......

    Gaile Patterson // 2012-12-08 21:41:51 // //
  • thank you !

    Adrian Catalin Seulean // 2012-12-08 21:40:59 // //
  • If I actually acted like my 'true self'... as is recommended here at Chopra Friends, I would be even MORE selfish, petty, judgmental, shallow, spiteful, than I am already. :-)

    Paul Inberea // 2012-12-08 20:22:27 // //
  • Popular Culture & Self Help Gurus, constantly tell us,"Youre a good person- you just have to 'realize' it!'. The reason that doesn't sit well, we know, deep down, that we are fatally flawed. Hence, The Gospel, really is 'Good News'. <:}}}>< We have an intercessor, and He is not us.

    Paul Inberea // 2012-12-08 20:19:50 // //
  • So true

    Walid Adam // 2012-12-08 19:20:33 // //
  • I do not love myself;( I am not what I want to be! I cannot find the key. My husband says I'm my own worst enemy!

    Lisa Lasater Jones // 2012-12-08 18:58:36 // //
  • Becky - I know where you're coming from - and how often I come short of what God has intended us to do. Why is it we struggle so deparately to do the opposite of what God's word teaches us? And why do we submit only when we become older? We are a stiffnecked lot aren't we! As a person, and a Christian, I am but a work in progress, my prayer? Let me bend a whole lot more to be shaped into the person, the vessel he wants me to be. After all, is it so terrible a thing?

    Diana L McBride // 2012-12-08 18:31:28 // //
  • hard lesson

    Fern Harris // 2012-12-08 18:28:54 // //
  • Get a copy of Deepak's latest book, Super Brain. It's great.

    Jerry Levin // 2012-12-08 18:27:33 // //
  • self love will only bring love for others self love to me is very important.

    Renu Das // 2012-12-08 18:25:01 // //
  • Be yourself, but be yourself best! Stop living in fear!

    Diane Belair // 2012-12-08 18:19:38 // //
  • when you are a Christian, as I am, I always wonder about my behavior and sometimes I KNOW it is UNACCEPTABLE.. So I have to learn self control with my words-be less reactive, and more forgiving. I must stop judging myself so harshly. I drive myself crazy with that. I must stop! Thank you for the reminder.

    Becky Knox // 2012-12-08 18:12:43 // //
  • Thank you to Team Chopra...great work sharing this information and inspiration =)

    // 2012-12-07 13:52:05 // //
  • Thank you! Last episode airs TODAY!

    // 2012-12-06 18:19:10 // //
  • This is an epic series.

    // 2012-12-06 17:35:38 // //
  • Hi There! I went to The University of Santa Monica and highly recommend them! You can check them out at: It felt right as I was there, I just your body`s knowing... All the best, Alyssa

    Alyssa Nobriga
    // 2012-12-06 00:58:15 // //
  • It has often been said that a lack of forgiveness is a socially acceptable way to punish ourselves which holds us back from having financial success. Do you agree and if so how? Thank you and have a blessed day.

    Tricia Christo
    // 2012-12-05 13:39:39 // //
  • luckily, I am not the body I am not the mind I am not the brain

    satyn bulchandani
    // 2012-12-04 06:48:07 // //
  • @TheChopraWell I don`t know what my best friend has to do with any of this. What happened to me and the person that wronged me, however, is deeply personal and complicated. But, yes, I am processing the experience a lot. I`m hoping that if I express myself artistically then it`ll help me unshoulder this burden O:-)

    // 2012-12-03 18:07:06 // //
  • There is a Spiritual Psychology program at the University of Santa Monica in Los Angeles, so you could check that one out!

    // 2012-12-03 17:39:30 // //
  • A very good question. There can be a fine line between explaining something away and putting it out of mind versus actually processing the experience and moving forward. Alyssa might say, start by acknowledging what really happened. Recognize how it made you feel and sit with the feeling. Imagine what your best friend might say to you in this situation. S/he would surely forgive you - so find the self-compassion within that realization. Hope that helps!

    // 2012-12-03 17:38:15 // //
  • i forgive myself for buying into that i am a failure because i know better

    Njeri Thelwell
    // 2012-12-02 14:58:25 // //
  • I forgive myself for buying into the notion i deserved to have been molested as a child and raped twice as a young woman.

    Njeri Thelwell
    // 2012-12-02 14:56:41 // //
  • Alyssa, Right now I am in the progress of earning my B.S. in psychology and I am intersted in Spiritual psychology. Which school did you attend to earn your M.A. in spiritual psychology? also what did you look for in the program? Thank you :-)

    // 2012-12-02 08:58:57 // //
  • I`m usually a very stern, even harsh critic of this series, but I actually really liked this episode. It clicked with what I`m going through right now.Someone did something horrible to me, and I`m finding it hard to forgive them and myself for allowing these bad things from happening. I don`t rrust like I used to. How do I forgive without feeling like I`m making excuses for the two of us?

    // 2012-12-02 01:54:06 // //
  • Once again natalie and iman give me inspiration on my own path - thank you from the bottom of my heart

    // 2012-12-02 00:02:00 // //
  • I forgive myself for judging myself as not good enough.

    Sue Donaldson
    // 2012-12-01 16:08:44 // //
  • Episode 17 was "Mastering Empathy" and came out on Tuesday. Check in the 30 Days playlist.

    // 2012-11-30 17:30:52 // //
  • yesterday nov 29 New York experienced a whole day without violent crime!!! google it!! woo hooo thank you !!!! love to all!!

    // 2012-11-30 17:19:43 // //
  • Is Day #17 of thisproject missing or is this just a misspelling of numbers :)?!

    Kristīne Kaļiņina
    // 2012-11-30 11:23:00 // //
  • Nice episode. I forgive myself for feeling that being a reserved person means that I`m less than. That`s just my nature and doesn`t deduce from who I am.

    // 2012-11-30 03:37:50 // //
  • this was just what i needed. thanks for posting such great videos! :)

    // 2012-11-30 01:47:32 // //
  • I forgive myself for not having everything figured out? haha....

    // 2012-11-30 01:30:46 // //
  • Absolutely - forgiving yourself doesn`t mean you have to ignore or `forget` a past mistake. On the contrary, recognizing the mistake for what it is, metabolizing it, and moving on can really help you grow and make amends moving forward!

    // 2012-11-30 01:12:54 // //
  • I`m just so happy nad inspired by this duo! Thank you for the courage to work with intention! You guys are my heroes!

    // 2012-11-30 01:12:33 // //
  • That`s great! Guilt can be such a toxic feeling to carry around.

    // 2012-11-30 01:11:50 // //
  • We`re sorry to hear that! Like Natalie said in the end of the episode, if you don`t feel like digging up old regrets or guilt, you can use the exercise instead to handle specific situations as they come up. For instance, if you skip out on exercise or respond harshly to something, forgive yourself right away so it doesn`t get the chance to fester!

    // 2012-11-30 01:10:42 // //
  • it`s great to forgive yourself but it sounds like this forgiveness incantation is abdicating responsibility for the past. you have to own your past mistakes.

    // 2012-11-30 00:26:41 // //
  • i forgive my self for not loving my self like i should....

    // 2012-11-30 00:08:30 // //
  • I forgive myself for feeling like I am not worthy of forgiveness & that I deserve to feel guilty

    // 2012-11-29 23:52:38 // //
  • I can`t forgive myself. The list of reasons are too long.

    // 2012-11-29 23:46:39 // //
  • Right on!

    // 2012-11-29 23:45:48 // //
  • I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy.

    // 2012-11-29 23:05:05 // //
  • i forgive myself for not starting a youtube channel earlier

    // 2012-11-29 23:03:23 // //
  • Again, high praise to Iman and Natalie for sharing so much of themselves. Forgiving yourself is based on first recognizing you`ve done something bad/wrong/etc in the first place, which can be hard.

    // 2012-11-29 22:29:44 // //