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ABOUT THIS BOOK Leadership is the most crucial choice one can make—it is the decision to step out of darkness into the light.      Bestselling author and spiritual guide Deepak Chopra invites...

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Book Of Secrets
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Brotherhood - by Deepak & Sanjiv Chopra (Hardcover)

Brotherhood - by Deepak & Sanjiv Chopra (Hardcover)
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Events

 
 
 
June 19 2013

Guilt Over Mother’s Death

Category:  Ask Deepak

Question:

Hello! My Mom was an addict, alcoholic, very unstable, and emotionally abusive to me my entire life of 38 yrs. I prayed for God to take her for many years as I had no support or siblings to help. Last year my Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. The year was filled with arguing, her endless demands, and little quality time as I was already burnt out from previous years of her abuse. I am a Nurse, and starting to hate my job as I am jealous of palliative patients and the quality time I see other families have. My Mom died 6 months ago, then my Dad 2 months later. I am consumed with the guilt of having little quality time with either parent the last year and still cry daily. I am an emotional mess. I feel so guilty and ashamed of having God fulfill my wish and not being careful of what I wished for. How do I move forward and stop being angry with God that my relationships lacked quality which was so needed? Any suggestions would be so appreciated. Thank you.

Response:

There is a big part of you that feels responsible for you mother’s death because you expressed your resentment toward her. That had nothing to do with the timing of her death. Even if you had found a way to love and forgive her years before, her time had arrived and she was going to pass away when she did. So this is about you letting go of your misunderstanding that you had any control over her life and death. You did not do this to your mom, God did not do it either on your behalf. Her soul determined that time, because it served her particular evolutionary needs, that’s all. What you need to do is come to terms with the fact that you had a mother that did not meet your needs or expectations as a parent. So that means you are left to find a way to do that parenting for yourself as best you can to heal this emotional wound. This requires letting go of the past and accepting and working with your reality in the present.

Love,
Deepak

Top comments

  • And to reply to the above question: as a mother I know that at a certain moment you will have to let go of your children and let them lead their own life. You were conceived in love, let love be your guidance on your own path. We have all been indoctrinated our whole life from the moment we were born to be this and do that. Now listen, as Deepak also suggests, deeply to your Soul. For this it is important that you spend time alone to discover that you are not alone but all one and that your Soul* is guiding you through your evolutinary process...

    YourSoul // 2013-06-19 09:50:22 // //
  • When you are able to foregive your parents, as well as forgiving yourself, a new found freedom will abound in your life. Alcoholism is cunning and baffling, and it truly affects every person in a family unit. Always remember that you did your best to cope with the situations that arose in your home. And so did your parents. At that particular time they were living a life that they thought was appropriate. The could not realize how hurtful and hateful they were because they were under the influence of alcohol, most likely day after day and year after year. It is only natural that you would have angry feeling toward them when you became an adult. Most likely those feelings were stored deep inside you as a child, because you were afraid to ever express any emotion back then. I would suggest you begin a good meditation program. Dr. Chopra has many of them available to you on-line. You can also watch for his next Meditation Challenge which I imagine will be coming forward soon. That one you can sign up for here on the website, and you can get the 21 day meditation sent to you each day for free. You are a child of God and the Universe. And you are loved for just being you. You are a unique and special human person, and are walking your path with Spirit each day. If you can learn to live in the moment, and just live in the NOW (that is in the moment) you will find a new life that will blossom like a beautiful flower, or a sunset, or a rainbow, or a raindrop, or a bird singing. You are loved. And LOVE can be your mantra, giving and receiving love, each and every day.

    nightstar // 2013-06-29 15:31:10 // //

 

 

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  • I want to express my compasssion towards your experience as a neglected child. That child will always be with you. You now have an opportunity to give that child what she never got. Love her, be responsive to her needs, and do this consistiently. You will find your child becoming strong, kind, patient, and understanding in all you do. This will allow a more intergrative wholeness within yourself providing you with a more positive perspective. It`s a process that requires commitment. And during this process have FUN with it. Your are doing something wonderful for yourself! No matter what the event, task, etc. learn to enjoy your life. It is not lived for anyone else. Tap into the humor in life. Laughter doeth good like medicine. Grieve as you must. But do not live your life in a state of grief. There is a time to let go and enjoy! You deserve all life`s best! Allow it. It`s there for the taking. Be open to it!

    Seasoned Soul // 2013-07-06 00:35:48 // //
  • When you are able to foregive your parents, as well as forgiving yourself, a new found freedom will abound in your life. Alcoholism is cunning and baffling, and it truly affects every person in a family unit. Always remember that you did your best to cope with the situations that arose in your home. And so did your parents. At that particular time they were living a life that they thought was appropriate. The could not realize how hurtful and hateful they were because they were under the influence of alcohol, most likely day after day and year after year. It is only natural that you would have angry feeling toward them when you became an adult. Most likely those feelings were stored deep inside you as a child, because you were afraid to ever express any emotion back then. I would suggest you begin a good meditation program. Dr. Chopra has many of them available to you on-line. You can also watch for his next Meditation Challenge which I imagine will be coming forward soon. That one you can sign up for here on the website, and you can get the 21 day meditation sent to you each day for free. You are a child of God and the Universe. And you are loved for just being you. You are a unique and special human person, and are walking your path with Spirit each day. If you can learn to live in the moment, and just live in the NOW (that is in the moment) you will find a new life that will blossom like a beautiful flower, or a sunset, or a rainbow, or a raindrop, or a bird singing. You are loved. And LOVE can be your mantra, giving and receiving love, each and every day.

    nightstar // 2013-06-29 15:31:10 // //
  • One has to recognize that there are several parents who behave badly for major part of their lives, not realizing the torment they create for their kids! You should not have any grief for them. Her passing away was a natural course of life, beyond your control. Live with determination to make the best of what remains of your life. Develop a devotion for the almighty and indulge in good karma. You will see life taking a wondrous turn for the better. Good Luck and stay happy.

    bystander // 2013-06-27 20:47:47 // //
  • Hello I am 24 and I am very curious to know why I have so much passion, determination to care for myself and seem to fail at my personal goals all the time, I try over and over again to stop my bad habits of picking at my skin to create smooth skin and I fail at losing weight even though I workout, stay active everyday and eat small meals that are healthy and think as positive I can. I grind my teeth as I sleep, I get bad headaches and always seem to get sore bones and muscles, it seems as if I truly hate myself know matter how hard I try to accept myself and work towards achieving my goals. weakness and confusion seem to take over.

    devyn_sharpe // 2013-06-26 22:54:11 // //
  • Me gustaría poder hablar con el Dc. Chopra.

    Austen // 2013-06-26 18:16:30 // //
  • I have been married for 13 years to a man who is good at heart but has made bad decisions financially our whole marriage. I accept my part in this. Now we have lost our home, the kids are at their grandparents and I am at my mothers. This is a small apartment without room for all of us. I miss my kids terribly but also am afraid to commit to another rental home because he is not working and I do not make much money. My intuition says slow down and don`t jump into another commitment but I also want to be with my kids. They also start school soon and are nowhere near their usual school. How can I calm my mind with all these decisions to be made and ease my anxiety to hear thee universe?

    lj // 2013-06-25 09:20:24 // //
  • I`m sorry for your loss. As a child who`s parent where both drug/alcohol addicts I can relate and know the guilt you are feeling. In 1994 two days before my 18th birthday my mother killed her self in a drinking and driving accident, from there my life headed downward and fast. I began using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. As i was sitting by myself one night in an drug induced stupper the light finally came and I thought to my self do I really want to follow in her (my mother) foot steps or do I want to my my own way and not continue the legacy of being an alcoholic/drug addict. I`ve been sober now for 15 years. As far as you parents passing goes you must forgive your self her problems where her own to face, the abuse must be forgiven and you must forgive yourself. I`ve come to learn that some people just don`t know any better or are just not strong enough to get free from the power of addiction. I`m sorry for your loss

    Rachel // 2013-06-24 09:53:32 // //
  • For learning to do your own parenting, as Deepak suggested, please check out the processes of something called "inner bonding", as it will help you with just that, I promise. Google it.

    teica // 2013-06-23 06:44:24 // //
  • buenos, dias...creeo k le seguia..en el otro fack...bueno creeo, no, le seguia segurisimo.....

    Maria Costa // 2013-06-23 05:43:36 // //
  • sending good wishes and peace of mind to this lady.......

    Camellia Hazelwood // 2013-06-22 17:25:38 // //
  • I got valuable words via my mentor, not capable to comment just now but crazy to subscribe to get words & be able to give my comment later..

    BHAGWAT SARAF // 2013-06-21 14:15:28 // //
  • When we quiet sit and allow or give ourselves permission to live in the now, being truly present the past nor the future is attached to our emotion

    Susan Bachelder // 2013-06-21 14:14:53 // //
  • It is not your responsibility if the relationshipo was toxic to you. I love my parents and forgive them but I cannot be around liars or denyers. simple. peaceful. they made their choice. They decided not to tell. So I keep away and stay WELL. :-))

    Jannette Stevens // 2013-06-20 21:25:42 // //
  • Sometimes it is really difficult to forgive: our parents for not being the way we needed them to be; the world for not being the place we wish it could be; God for allowing things to be the way they are; and ourselves for not being who we would like to be. If we forgive all these people (including ourselves and God) we feel like we are somehow letting them off the hook. What if we stop struggling against the stream and simply accept things are as they are? Love who you are right now. Be 100% present with the people you are with right now - as a nurse, a friend and a family member - these are the most important people in the world. Let go of everything else.

    Hildegarde Health and Culture // 2013-06-20 21:03:14 // //
  • meditar es la clave para ir entendiendo la vida. muchas veces puedes usar alguna planta sagrada,para que aquietes tus pensamientos y el alma te hable. om shanti

    Redes de Meditacion // 2013-06-20 15:12:51 // //
  • Be brave,go forward and just do

    Thergan Govender // 2013-06-20 14:01:42 // //
  • Very well said Deepak, as always your words move and heal at once.

    Andrea Buczakowski German-Willis // 2013-06-20 12:14:29 // //
  • Thank you because I am 76 and still healing.

    Gloria Pukanic Wildschutte // 2013-06-20 11:11:56 // //
  • wonderful response, I too had little parenting. i'll have to let go of having that "expectation" & envy of my friends' wonderful parents. thx Master.

    Kit Carolyn Haugan // 2013-06-20 10:28:31 // //
  • That we think our parents should be good parents is simply what Deepak said. An expectation. A fairy tale. Most of us were raised by 20 year olds.

    Bradley Fitzgerald // 2013-06-20 10:10:01 // //
  • This guy is truly a master

    Debra Venable Shears // 2013-06-20 09:02:10 // //
  • Sourceseminars.com June 24-30. It will change your life. Sending you love and light. You are a good person who endured a lot be kind to your poor child who always just wanted a mother. It's ok.

    Sarah Blakeley McNeill // 2013-06-20 08:21:51 // //
  • Lovely Answer Deepack, I sure agree.

    Tracey Lanning // 2013-06-20 05:10:22 // //
  • In taking control of your life you should try looking at your life from a different point of view... See if this resonates. Namaste http://bemethod.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/9-victim-consciousness.html

    BeMethod // 2013-06-20 04:57:22 // //
  • Thank you

    Wendy Wallace // 2013-06-20 02:37:41 // //
  • Well said.

    Gary Cox // 2013-06-20 02:01:59 // //
  • let go and accept

    Aparna Ranjit // 2013-06-20 00:40:19 // //
  • The only person one is responsible for morally is ourself, not our father, mother, brother, sister, spouse, or child or friend. End of story......

    Vallie Rice // 2013-06-19 23:37:00 // //
  • Forgiveness is what you need. Dig deep down inside your self and find it. Love is also what you need. You did the BEST you could with what you had at the time, and now it's your turn for happiness....cyber hugs and love your way.

    Julie Jordan Dillon // 2013-06-19 22:56:41 // //
  • It's not your fault

    Denise Hasher // 2013-06-19 22:47:52 // //
  • Deep words

    Yolandiux Medicas // 2013-06-19 22:46:28 // //
  • Thank you Trudy Benditi, your words don't only speak in response to this thread, it resonates too many.

    Veronica Enciso // 2013-06-19 21:52:35 // //
  • ...why don't you follow them?

    Jia Daranata // 2013-06-19 21:52:05 // //
  • Wonderful respons

    Emily Gentile // 2013-06-19 21:35:54 // //
  • yesterday is gone, forgive yourself from the bottom of your heart, let go all bad miserable feelings, live in the now with love and quality. God bless you, Love and Light¡¡¡ <3

    Rocio Sardaneta // 2013-06-19 21:14:59 // //
  • one can spend a lifetime trying to 'understand' others but i feel that sometimes we just have to realize that some of us get the 'short end of the stick' -- and that we still have to do something with what we are given.

    Shelley Perez // 2013-06-19 21:14:41 // //
  • You can't let go and accept before you understand. This is a painful and slow journey but worth every effort. Approach without trying to apportion blame as that will block any progress.

    Beth Moore // 2013-06-19 20:03:47 // //
  • To the kind lady sending love and lots lots of healing...Peace is with you!

    Malvika Chopra // 2013-06-19 18:43:17 // //
  • peace.

    Kathy Keogh // 2013-06-19 18:33:13 // //
  • Right on !!!

    Marianne Guinane // 2013-06-19 18:30:14 // //
  • Best wishes to the dear lady.Lots of love and light.She must stay strong.

    Jayanthee Misra // 2013-06-19 18:12:05 // //
  • Bless her

    Barbara Manson // 2013-06-19 17:57:52 // //
  • Deepak, that was awesome. Best wishes to the woman who is in pain. I will send love and peace to her.

    Sheri Anderson // 2013-06-19 17:27:44 // //
  • Sabedoria!!!

    Eliane Klawa // 2013-06-19 17:18:44 // //
  • Mirna Espinosa La pagina de Deepak Chopra no es en español, pero si va a su página y presiona el lado derecho del raton y aparecera un cuadro que dice 'translate" dependiendo de si usa internet explorer o chrome. Le pedira que diga a que idioma traducir. No es una traduccion perfecta pero se entiende. https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/view/1198/guilt_over_mother%E2%80%99s_death

    Cynthia Rodriguez // 2013-06-19 16:37:54 // //
  • Forgive yourself . . . .

    Alita Regalado Hermida Stack // 2013-06-19 16:17:02 // //
  • Perfect answer.

    Cheryl Page Yantis // 2013-06-19 16:14:12 // //
  • Thanks deep your work is only love in teamwork with krsna... Om

    Adrienne Faessler // 2013-06-19 16:13:28 // //
  • Let go of the past or it will control you. Total forgiveness of all people involved, including yourself will be what releases you.

    Doris Morefield // 2013-06-19 16:04:11 // //
  • Love to you. Allow the peace and the healing in. You are so worthy. Thank you to you for being a pillar of strength to all that you serve.

    Kardina Collins // 2013-06-19 16:00:34 // //
  • @YourSoul.Beautiful words....they touch my heart:)

    Denise // 2013-06-19 15:51:07 // //
  • what most of us are not tought. is to take what we have to work with, what ever that may be. and make whatever life for ourselves better. to adapt. if all we have in life is cow,flop the lets make fertilizer out of it and grow something good. most parents do the best they are able, or to what they have seen in there own lives. to forgive and to still send love out of your own greater compasion and love will yeald far healther life and state of self being. my hearts love is with you, your family and all others that have had these things in our lives. You have, and are Loved. now make it Grow in Loves Light. namaste

    Don Barthel // 2013-06-19 15:48:34 // //
  • Wonderful response Deepak and it could also go one step further in asking the question "why did I choose her as my mother, what lessons did I contract with her before I incarnated into this lifetime." There is a level of higher agreement here that most don't remember and realize. There really are no victims

    Carolyn Ann ORiley Cht // 2013-06-19 15:45:53 // //
  • I completely understand where this person is coming from. My father and I were not on speaking terms for three years before he died from an aortic aneurism. When these things happen, as humans, we automatically look for cause and effect. Some family members even posited that it was the stress of our estrangement that killed him. I bought into that for a while as well. Yet, there isn`t a shred of proof, and it shows how capable we are of creating false positives in a world where we must have reasons.

    Glen Tibaldeo // 2013-06-19 15:34:45 // //
  • I had a similar Mother. Under her given circumstances she did the best she could. It helps to realize this, and not take her un-mothering ways personal.

    Deborah Holmes // 2013-06-19 15:11:44 // //
  • Forgiveness is the most powerfull tool for dealing will past especially when it comes with unsupportive parents.

    James M. Miano // 2013-06-19 15:09:17 // //
  • One word comes to mind: forgiveness. We have all been hurt. I can relate to pain. Oh yes, I can, but you must choose to concentrate on NOW. How is the pain serving you NOW? You still have the rest of your life to live and how you choose to live it really comes back to YOU. The past no longer exists, except in the attention we give it our heads and our hearts. It is over and finished, although the deep pain remains, for you...as it is very clear from the question. We are creatures of ego and habit. Living life can wallop us with a sort of 'amnesia'; a state that 'gets' us to forget we are ALL also spirits that originate from pure love. Now that being said... we are tactile human beings that crave compassion and care as we experience duality on planet earth. I would like to express that I am so sorry that people have hurt you. I hypothesize that no one abuses anyone unless they themselves are in deep pain. To understand this is one thing, but there is the important point remaining: we all desire comfort and empathy for the path we have experienced. In my opinion, we have lived many timelines and lifetimes and as hard as it may be to grasp "Why?"...we return to each new incarnation to 'balance' situations that some refer to as "karma". We come back together, with various souls from our past, to experience life from the other 'angles'. Perhaps the abuser comes back to feel what it is like to be abused and so forth. Again, this is just my hypothesis... and 1 I happen to accept as my truth. I also postulate that we come to earth to learn lessons on compassion, love and forgiveness. It does not always make sense as to "Why?", but humans tend to learn the truest value of love and compassion when they DO NOT have them. I sense a deep feeling of pain in the questioning of "Why me?" That is certainly a fair question. Pain IS painful! It hurts your heart. I can certainly understand. Feelings are real, to you, and never wrong. It is just how you feel. The only way you can move past pain will be your journey to plan, but try to have compassion for yourself. Respect yourself. You have value. Allow yourself to feel what you feel and then...once and for ALL, release it. Forgive all other people whom you sense hurt you. In truth, total forgiveness of all parties concerned, including yourself, may very well be what releases us from the cycle of karma. You have 2 choices, as I see it. You can allow your past to control your NOW and remain in anger and bitterness...or you can allow the past to remain in the past. Let go and let compassion and understanding flow. You have learned a grand lesson on the value of love. That is not to be denigrated as worthless. What I have also learned, as well, is that experience tends to stick in our 'cells' and as some refer to it...our aura. Meditate. Sit in nature. Experience purity. If you feel drawn to it...seek a master in reiki and/or healing and/or massage. Let the past go. There is great value in "literally" going right into your heart and clear into your bones, in meditation, to release "all" ties of anger and resentment that hook you back into the past. Guided meditation helps if you prefer not to sit in silence. Dr. Chopra has a few good ones, but there are others. Lillian Eden and Kelly Howell are wonderful, too. I wish you love on the journey and I remind you that the best teachers learn the toughest lessons. God Bless. http://youtu.be/nj2ofrX7jAk

    Mawma Lorelei // 2013-06-19 15:02:50 // //
  • Love your answer!

    Meher Dasgupta // 2013-06-19 15:01:35 // //
  • She needs to show herself the same compassion she would show her patients.

    Judith Barrett // 2013-06-19 15:00:28 // //
  • This massage was so meant for me to read and I am glad I did. Thank you! <3

    Judith Mahari // 2013-06-19 15:00:26 // //
  • May I suggest Kundalini Yoga! :) God Bless...

    Melody Walz // 2013-06-19 14:59:52 // //
  • Well Said. We should not live in past and future.I want to Stay happpyyy and enjoy Present.Today i want to spent my time very nice way.Every day sign this contract with yourself.

    Harita Dave // 2013-06-19 14:57:31 // //
  • AMEN.

    Nancy Adkins // 2013-06-19 14:55:15 // //
  • Thank you

    Mária Tóth // 2013-06-19 14:53:06 // //
  • Flip the script. When you feel or think something negative about yourself or others? Flip it into something positive as soon as you notice it. Changing our mental tapes are difficult, but can be done. It's simple it ain't easy. Forgive your Mother so YOU can grow, not for her, you. Forgive for your peace of mind. As each issue comes up? Let it play itself out, sit with the pain, anger, etc. Then blow it out to the Universe and never think of it again.

    Trudy Bendetti // 2013-06-19 14:46:05 // //
  • Well said!

    Amelia Carrera // 2013-06-19 14:45:53 // //
  • Deepak has been a hero of mine for years now, since I learned who he was via Wayne Dyer

    Steve Woolhiser // 2013-06-19 14:43:15 // //
  • Totally agree with Deepak. Find a way now to give yourself ALL the love you wish you could have received and pass that same love you find on to ALL others in your life from this day forward.

    Harold W Graham // 2013-06-19 14:33:29 // //
  • Amazing advice we all learn something from there, we all have been through or going through something in different ways but we can all learn from rhis advice of moving on learning to let go etc... Thanks for lovely advices & plse keep your positive vibes coming through!!! <3

    Anar I. Gulamhussein // 2013-06-19 14:32:19 // //
  • I love you

    Katya Blum // 2013-06-19 14:29:21 // //
  • In other words, forgive and forget as recriminations and guilt will weigh you down.

    Karen Shimell // 2013-06-19 14:28:31 // //
  • So well said. I too believe that you do not die until it is your time and nothing will change that.

    Betty White // 2013-06-19 14:26:12 // //
  • Maybe there was a sacred contract where, through her behavior, your overcoming this intense trauma will allow you the opportunity to become what you were hoping to be. Some of the more horrible situations "perpetrated by others" towards me turned out to be my best growing experiences!

    Lynn Ellis Naretti // 2013-06-19 14:16:41 // //
  • To Elizabeth Lidstone Candline - your have empathy & well said

    Nicole Frost // 2013-06-19 14:16:31 // //
  • Thank you Deepak - you always know what to say and how to say it. Also to Elizabeth Lidstone Candliine

    Nicole Frost // 2013-06-19 14:13:53 // //
  • Dr. Chopra, you have always given such good advise. You are our mentor. Thank you for being there for all of us. God bless and Nameste

    Calene Chew // 2013-06-19 14:02:49 // //
  • I like your advice. Very Timely. Letting go of the Past is a constant need in life.This moment, what fills our heart - is crucial for our life. It has to be joy, compassion and gratitude - and not regrets for the past. If we want to be sorrowful, angry or morose, each of us can find one thousand valid reasons for that. But, essentially, there is no real cause, justifying their presence in our life. For being happy, there is, however, only one justification. That is - life itself is given to us for being joyful - and not for being anything else. Keeping the Joy in side - we can achieve anything in life, which anger,sorrow and moroseness can't ever achieve. In Indian ethos, we say, Be JOY yourself - and not just, be joyful. One step further, we say - you are JOY already. Know that. It is ignorance that gives sorrow. In the instant case, the mother suffered - because she did not understand life. The daughter can enjoy life - if she understands life.

    Vijayamohan Vuppaladhadiam // 2013-06-19 14:00:25 // //
  • god dose not more than you can handle.as for the abouse ive been through that for years .not easy to deal with but I deal with than with this.(I know Christ is in my hesrt and he and I can deal with anything together

    Christine C Kennedy // 2013-06-19 14:00:12 // //
  • porq no lo traducen al español

    Mirna Espinosa // 2013-06-19 13:58:50 // //
  • Tiffany Helf WOW

    Justin Porter // 2013-06-19 13:57:14 // //
  • <3 Deepak

    Lynette Packer // 2013-06-19 13:56:32 // //
  • Our earthly Mother always provides us with what is most needed for our evolution......sometimes this is pain .... but from pain great break thru's flow. As you seek you will find <3

    Lynette Packer // 2013-06-19 13:55:50 // //
  • Super great answer, Deepak.

    Katherine Riebe // 2013-06-19 13:54:42 // //
  • god is not an idiot. he is the superior being. he knows more than all. he is not going to give you anything you wish for. he will only give if it does any good to you.

    Rahul Ranga // 2013-06-19 13:48:52 // //
  • Great answer, thanks Deepak.

    Jane Christian // 2013-06-19 13:43:21 // //
  • I have been where you are, but fortunately I was able to work on loving and nurturing myself first, and that started with finding my spiritual connection with God, The Universe, Jesus, or whomever this is for you. Once I started praying on this, I found books such as 'YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE" by LOUISE HAY, A COURSE IN MIRACLES, RETURN TO LOVE by Marianne Williamson and ANYTHING by WAYNE DYER, to help me understand how loved I am by God, and therefore, do not feel the need to try and get love from my mother who was incapable of loving me. I realized it wasn't her fault, as she had perceptions she believed that had nothing to do with me. Once I understood this, I was able to forgive her and release the need to receive anything from her. By the time it was her time to go, I too prayed for God to take her so that she could finally be in a place where she could feel God's love and be happy. When she passed, I felt a great peace for her and for me. It has been said here, it is easier said than done, but it can be done dear one; as I have done it. Please feel free to contact me here through Facebook for any encouragement. I send love and blessings to you on your journey. Love Trish

    Patricia O'Connor Heitz // 2013-06-19 13:37:52 // //
  • ♥ .

    Amy Beaton // 2013-06-19 13:37:41 // //
  • Your words set so many of us children of addicts and/or alcoholics free. God bless you foe this message. It could not have come at a better time for me and I'm sure multitude of others that live with this pain but want to free ourselves from the baggage and move into happier things. Life is so short, hopefully we can spend as much time as possible being our highest selves.

    Emani Candi Moore // 2013-06-19 13:33:07 // //
  • Isn't it ironic the most devoted to a "god" also are the most narcissistic? I guess delusion brings out the worst in what's in front of you; reality.

    Ron Gauvin // 2013-06-19 13:27:01 // //
  • tradução para o português por favor!

    Jovelino Vieira // 2013-06-19 13:22:49 // //
  • ask God to be your comforter--- let that love guide you to your happiness --- ask and you shall receive through your own faith(Believe that you are healed).--ask for healing from this infirmity--- that these thoughts be cast away from you ... wishing you happiness and understanding .

    Nena Revels // 2013-06-19 13:16:35 // //
  • that's so well said Mister Chopra. Thank you for who you are.

    Christine Verrier Lefort // 2013-06-19 13:15:55 // //
  • Healing response to guilt and grief!

    Josefina Villarreal // 2013-06-19 13:15:17 // //
  • Well said Monica

    Shobha Dutta // 2013-06-19 13:11:12 // //
  • so well said..... Find peace within & love yourself!

    Monica Sutton // 2013-06-19 13:08:47 // //
  • I felt comfort in what you had to say to this women so that she can move on with her life.......great job Deepak!

    Fern Ann Wexler Krause // 2013-06-19 13:03:39 // //
  • Love more. Learn to use that Love that God Gave us To go throu this... Love is a powerful weapon, in the awareness of its power you will Be. LOVE

    Juan Gomez // 2013-06-19 13:00:51 // //
  • Very well said Deepak, ACIM A Course In Miracles is an amazing class, highly recommend it, teaches forgiveness and brings so much peace into ur life. I too was filled with guilt and resentments. I was guided to this group by some amazing and beautiful souls. <3 Love and peace <3

    Sal Sanchez // 2013-06-19 12:57:52 // //
  • quero tradusido em potugues

    Else B Fett // 2013-06-19 12:57:00 // //
  • mom could barely handle being human -let alone being a mom every one has a story never alone in this especially with God he will help you thru this as well he is very forgiving ! @}>~

    Palqamot Carol Francis // 2013-06-19 12:54:41 // //
  • I feel your pain but I believe it might help to know your mother was very, very sick .She needed help as well.

    Sandra R. Samuels // 2013-06-19 12:53:54 // //
  • good work Deepakji.

    Alicia Leandro-Jorawar // 2013-06-19 12:53:16 // //
  • Very lovely explanation Deepak. so many folk don't know or understand Karmic Laws and Lessons. Thank you x

    Lucy Boby // 2013-06-19 12:48:48 // //
  • Be that person you wanted your mom to be to yourself . Find all the qualities you mom didn't have and give them to yourself ... Become that woman you wish she had been... And thank her for making you aware of all these

    Hilda Patty // 2013-06-19 12:47:11 // //
  • Lovely advice and words that make a huge difference! Very best of luck to you xx

    Sara Reith // 2013-06-19 12:46:34 // //
  • What divine timing this mssg came 2 me at. I can begin 2 let go of my own issues. Thanks

    Jen Lyn Anderson // 2013-06-19 12:44:03 // //
  • Try taking a course called "the landmark forum". You'll learn to leave your past in the past, and live happily in the present. Google it up and find an area where there are classes.

    Mary Webb // 2013-06-19 12:43:57 // //
  • It's amazing how many of us walk around with the guilt of our parents decisions. Thank you for sharing, I also needed to hear this advise. I wish you love and peace. And I don't think anyone could offer better advice than what Deepak suggests.

    Glondy Mabunda // 2013-06-19 12:42:55 // //
  • Forgive yourself ...

    Dulce A Dulce // 2013-06-19 12:42:37 // //
  • Well said Deepak.

    Julie Marentette // 2013-06-19 12:42:05 // //
  • So clarifying in response to her cry for help, Deepak-

    Jane Davis // 2013-06-19 12:40:04 // //
  • Fale para o Brazil! O Momento é oportuno!

    Álvaro Diniz Gonçalves Filho // 2013-06-19 12:39:21 // //
  • Love your response, Deepak-so clarifying in answer to her cry for help-

    Jane Davis // 2013-06-19 12:39:12 // //
  • I love your response to this person, Deepak and perhaps you'd say, it is the only response. Your response is so keen, loving and empowering. I am also very touched and impressed by the depth of truth with which this woman has shared her personal story. Many of us would not admit to the feelings, emotions and actions she has portrayed here...she is very courageous, strong and hopefully, with your love and support, well on her way to finding peace, happiness and contentment in her life. Thanks to both of you...you have truly inspired me in my personal journey. :)

    Elizabeth Lidstone Candline // 2013-06-19 12:35:47 // //
  • Go to NarAnon meetings. There free across the USA. There for people who suffer from love ones with addictions.

    Renee Condo // 2013-06-19 12:35:11 // //
  • Thank You !!!!

    Crystal Bushinsky // 2013-06-19 12:34:17 // //
  • I am sorry about what you are going through, please do get professional help. Psychotherapy will help you let go of the anger and guilt. All my best

    Marjan Jacobson // 2013-06-19 12:33:45 // //
  • Higher self.

    Renee Condo // 2013-06-19 12:33:31 // //
  • It was her chosen path to fulfill her main soul. You didn't cause it, couldn't control or cure it. Offer your pain to your self.

    Renee Condo // 2013-06-19 12:32:46 // //
  • XO

    Elaine Connor // 2013-06-19 12:31:07 // //
  • Excellent advice :)

    Annamarie Sant // 2013-06-19 12:30:30 // //
  • ACA might work for you

    Mia Fuglsang Bach // 2013-06-19 12:30:05 // //
  • I believe that so many of us have emotional wounds...and this response, as always, is such a wonderful and helpful one for everyone of us.

    Claire Calhoun // 2013-06-19 12:29:19 // //
  • tremendo . hay que seguir adelant

    Cosmiatra Cosmetologa Estetica // 2013-06-19 12:28:27 // //
  • When I am angry at myself, I envision myself as a 2 year old... Literally standing in front of me in a diaper as a child. My immediate response is to pick myself up and hug me no matter what.

    Diane Bradford // 2013-06-19 12:25:45 // //
  • Become your own parent. Love yourself as you wish she loved you.

    Diane Bradford // 2013-06-19 12:24:01 // //
  • I love your response, Deepak!

    Marina Rivas // 2013-06-19 12:22:25 // //
  • Get professional help.

    Lee Kovacsevics // 2013-06-19 12:19:10 // //
  • Thank-You D.C. I have a similar situation, this was helpful.

    David Holland // 2013-06-19 12:18:38 // //
  • Perfect ;)

    Vincent D. D'Amato // 2013-06-19 12:18:18 // //
  • :)

    Vincent D. D'Amato // 2013-06-19 12:18:04 // //
  • Its always easier said than done!

    Natasha Herman // 2013-06-19 12:12:40 // //
  • I do understand, the part of not being able to spend quality time with your mother really hits home with me.

    Harry J. Cross // 2013-06-19 12:11:56 // //
  • Letting go of the past .....easy to say than to do Mr. Chopra.

    Jila Todd // 2013-06-19 12:11:35 // //
  • First you need to forgive yourself it was the only way you knew how to cope with the sit uation.That is normal.Plus you have to realize your Mother loved you ,but she was very,very sick. Now you have to keep showin love like you do to everybody who is in your life, and the ones who cross your path. You touched my heart today with the love you do have I feel it. May peace and love be with you.

    Mary Houseman // 2013-06-19 12:10:10 // //
  • Grateful to the individual who posted the question and to Deepak for helping lighten her load of guilt.

    Care Can // 2013-06-19 12:09:20 // //
  • Hmmm, food for thought.

    Patrice Johnson // 2013-06-19 12:09:10 // //
  • So True!

    Maria Kelley // 2013-06-19 12:08:21 // //
  • I just realized that we get emotionally stuck at the age when we experienced powerlessness and insensitivity to our needs. I was a grown mother of three yet wishing their father (older than me who never married me) would die. Eventually I had an affair and left him to be on my own. Now I realize that I had so many choices, but at the time I felt so powerless (like the child inside me who felt pain way back) that it felt like the only way out was if he died. So grateful for the tools, such as Chopra's book and this pg available today to light the way. Deepak was fortunate to create parents who were more aware and passed that clarity to us through him! <3

    Carol Lani Johnson // 2013-06-19 12:07:28 // //
  • I love that...evolutionary needs...

    Kathya Suchan // 2013-06-19 12:03:21 // //
  • Truth !!

    Lopez Reylin // 2013-06-19 12:03:07 // //
  • loving, decent, compassionate, brilliant man, his teachings are such an inspiration!

    Joanne Caputo-Carfagna // 2013-06-19 12:02:57 // //
  • Awesome words of encouragement ! To learn from. Thank you

    Norma Rabbitskin // 2013-06-19 12:02:36 // //
  • mi maestro lindo como siempre lo kiero muaaaaaa

    Monik Rani Velaskz M // 2013-06-19 12:01:21 // //
  • Thanks for sharing. The message can help so many people bc most have of us have a lot to let go, ACCEPT and leave in the past. <3

    Angie Picha // 2013-06-19 12:01:05 // //
  • Perfect!

    Janne' John // 2013-06-19 11:58:20 // //
  • Chopra you are so conforting and loving ❤❤

    Beba Martinez // 2013-06-19 11:58:05 // //
  • Great answer. Mom was incapable of emotional support, therefore she must learn to nurture herself and take care of her inner child...many people don't comprehend this.

    Gloria Roman // 2013-06-19 11:56:18 // //
  • Yes whatever be circumstances in the highway of life, the life must move on despite of life clouded by countless hurts and pains. So never feel regret if you did your best as per the possibilities were concern to give your family best quality life despite of their own health ruining habits. Yes we are divinely and biologically connected with the bond of love and get caged inside it so that we feel hurt and lifeless once we lose somebody whom we love desperately. Never feel regret of your past and never blame yourself for the unexpected demise of your parents as huge life ahead is waiting. Give yourself best deserving life and to your upcoming new members in your life and live fullest removing the clouds of pain and hurt.

    Born TO Inspire U // 2013-06-19 11:56:04 // //
  • Once you have processed the thought then all you have to do is process the emotional energy that comes with that thought. Doable!

    Kathleen Nagel Kramer // 2013-06-19 11:56:04 // //
  • very relatable, especially "This requires letting go of the past and accepting and working with your reality in the present." that can be applied to everthing in life.

    Dillon Treewzrd // 2013-06-19 11:55:16 // //
  • Wow

    Christi Federighi // 2013-06-19 11:54:32 // //
  • How touching and such sound advice for a very difficult issue.

    Genya G. Bonfield // 2013-06-19 11:53:40 // //
  • outstanding as always my dearest master....

    Aida E Yago // 2013-06-19 11:52:45 // //
  • Fantastic answer, Dr. Chopra! We quite often take far too much responsibility for others and far too little for ourselves.

    Cameron Powers // 2013-06-19 11:51:02 // //
  • This is so powerful. Thank you! And many blessings for your path. You are great expressing yourself. <3 Deepak, thank you. <3

    Heli Komulainen // 2013-06-19 11:50:51 // //
  • Very Ivigorating

    Telti Milyu // 2013-06-19 11:49:10 // //
  • Thank you for posting this. <3

    Annie Towns // 2013-06-19 11:48:02 // //
  • Beautifully said and very wise words <3

    Sandy Dein // 2013-06-19 11:47:11 // //
  • Wow really deep. Thanks for that response .

    Evelyn Pacheco // 2013-06-19 11:47:06 // //
  • Excellent!

    Molly Zilbert Stadd Goldmann // 2013-06-19 11:45:47 // //
  • fantastic response …… wow

    Garvit Singh // 2013-06-19 11:45:36 // //
  • So deep. Thanks for this.....i need it.Thanks a lot.

    Yanina Cardoza // 2013-06-19 11:45:30 // //
  • She can learn to be what her mother wasn't...it is a gift to her and her mother. <3

    JoAnn Porter // 2013-06-19 11:44:45 // //
  • C'est ce que je ressens... merci !

    Guy Charland // 2013-06-19 11:44:42 // //
  • That is one evolutionarily advanced human.

    Clifford Ellis // 2013-06-19 11:44:10 // //
  • ... you are left to find a way to do that parenting for yourself as best you can to heal .... <3 good luck to you and to all others in the same situation :)

    Anna Ingólfsdóttir // 2013-06-19 11:43:36 // //
  • ♥ Deepak

    Cristina Fraga // 2013-06-19 11:42:30 // //
  • No matter what,we all feel we could have done more and wish we had done things different. My only saving power were my faith in God to give me strength to get through the day and long nights, there is power in prayer Good luck. Time is a great healer also!

    Martha Jay Brown // 2013-06-19 11:42:27 // //
  • I wish that Nurse knows that she has a wonderful life ahead :)

    Ritaj Trivedi // 2013-06-19 11:42:17 // //
  • Truth.

    Adolph Egoroff // 2013-06-19 11:40:59 // //
  • Such a blessing. The truth will set you free. Thank you Deepak

    Sherri Lewis // 2013-06-19 11:40:53 // //
  • True,indeed

    Gcobani M Dlali // 2013-06-19 11:40:20 // //
  • Omg I sooo want to meet you deepak! Been a fan for years. R ead all your books, listened to all your cds. Okay so I'm just one huge fan of your work:)

    Gail Gilbride Bohle // 2013-06-19 11:39:24 // //
  • So true

    Debbie Schreiner // 2013-06-19 11:39:22 // //
  • the doctor of life

    Warsawraw Prigogine // 2013-06-19 11:38:55 // //
  • Wow

    Matt Cosenza // 2013-06-19 11:38:15 // //
  • Deepak ji,You said very rightly

    Manoj Khurana // 2013-06-19 11:36:48 // //
  • So wise. I hope she finds her way to this answer.

    Sue Engle // 2013-06-19 11:36:47 // //
  • Thank you Deepak. <3

    Crystal Morgan // 2013-06-19 11:36:43 // //
  • Amaize

    Kelly Kelly Riwa // 2013-06-19 11:36:13 // //
  • :-)

    Tami Hale-Steffler // 2013-06-19 11:36:09 // //
  • Amazing.

    Courtney Smith // 2013-06-19 11:34:14 // //
  • perfect!

    Sue Schadick Helmle // 2013-06-19 11:33:59 // //
  • And to reply to the above question: as a mother I know that at a certain moment you will have to let go of your children and let them lead their own life. You were conceived in love, let love be your guidance on your own path. We have all been indoctrinated our whole life from the moment we were born to be this and do that. Now listen, as Deepak also suggests, deeply to your Soul. For this it is important that you spend time alone to discover that you are not alone but all one and that your Soul* is guiding you through your evolutinary process...

    YourSoul // 2013-06-19 09:50:22 // //
  • @jbs I am a 67 year old woman with a love of life and would call my self spiritual having no time for organized religion. I have practiced Hatha Yoga during 35 years and this has given me an intuitive perception of how to heal my own body. I would advise you to buy a book about the basics of Yoga, so for instance: Yoga for beginners. The benign exercises will provide you with profound relief and maybe you will slowly but surely can say goodbye to all that medication :)

    YourSoul // 2013-06-19 09:42:20 // //
  • I have read your recent book with great interest and I do believe that you are right and that we should be able to have control over our bodies. I am a healthy fit 68 year old woman with a love of life and would call myself spiritual having no time for organized religion. Having said this I am on lots of prescription medicines for blood pressure, arrhythmia, anxiety, and arthritis. I am sure you will think it ridiculous that I call myself healthy but I really am. I am positive and generally happy and have come to a good spot in my life. Recently I havwe been troubled with severe pain in the front of my left leg and have had to resort to Vicodin twice a day in order to be able to do my activities. I have had no diagnosis on this and I hate taking all this medication. Can you help me please - I don`t know where to start with Ayurvedic healing, but I know it is something I would like to follow. Thank you so much. Jenny Shaw

    jbs // 2013-06-19 09:15:22 // //