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The most positive action we can take about the past is to change our perception of it.

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Books

GOD: A Story of Revelation (Hardcover)

GOD: A Story of Revelation (Hardcover)
“God is an empty term except through the revelations of all the saints, prophets, and mystics of history. They exist to plant the seeds of spirituality as a direct experience rather than a...

Brotherhood - by Deepak & Sanjiv Chopra (Hardcover)

Brotherhood - by Deepak & Sanjiv Chopra (Hardcover)
BROTHERHOOD Dharma, Destiny, and the American Dream DEEPAK & SANJIV CHOPRA   “BROTHERHOOD is an uplifting account of sibling affection and success, and of the promise and infinite...

Soul of Leadership (Hardcover)

Soul of Leadership (Hardcover)
ABOUT THIS BOOK Leadership is the most crucial choice one can make—it is the decision to step out of darkness into the light.      Bestselling author and spiritual guide Deepak Chopra invites...

Book Of Secrets

Book Of Secrets
2005 Nautilus Book Award Grand Prize Winner! New York Times Best Seller! Every life is a book of secrets, ready to be opened. The secret of perfect love is found there, along with the secrets...

Joyful Wisdom

Joyful Wisdom
ABOUT THEBOOK: Yongey Mingyur is one of the most celebrated among the new generation of Tibetan meditation masters, whose teachings have touched people of all faiths around the world. His first...

Ten Poems to Change Your Life

Ten Poems to Change Your Life
ABOUT THE BOOK: This is a dangerous book. Great poetry calls into question not less than everything. It dares us to break free from the safe strategies of the cautious mind. It opens us to pain...

Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui

Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui
ABOUT THE BOOK: Feng Shui is the ancient oriental art of enhancing and harmonizing the flow of energy in your surroundings.  Over the last twenty years, Karen Kingston has pioneered the study...

Super Brain by Deepak Chopra, MD & Rudy Tanzi, MD (Hardcover)

Super Brain by Deepak Chopra, MD & Rudy Tanzi, MD (Hardcover)
Learn about Deepak Chopra and the Chopra Center's Super Brain dietary supplement - Ayurvedic Brain Support NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Super Brain by Deepak Chopra, MD & Rudy...

NEW Spiritual Solutions by Deepak Chopra(Hardcover)

NEW Spiritual Solutions by Deepak Chopra(Hardcover)
Spiritual Solutions: Answers to Life's Greatest Challenges ( AUDIOBOOK Available )  "Great advice directly from the master on virtually any subject, it just doesn't get any better...

Events

 
 
 
May 15 2013

Relationship Match

Category:  Ask Deepak

Question:

I am at a crossroads with my current relationship. I love him very much and we have a lot in common as well as a good friendship, but we are not matched well in the realm of physical love and I miss the affection and passion that enjoyed in previous relationships. My problem is that I keep vacillating between thinking that this is something I need to change in myself (that this is a lesson of some sort and that is why it is so painful an issue) or that he is ultimately not the person for me. I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. While I strive to change, grow and better myself in all things, this has been a very long, painful, deep struggle for me and there are moments when I wonder if I'm supposed to change at all and just move on. I do find that I've made much progress on my part, but it never seems to be enough. Am I feeling like giving up right before a breakthrough? Or is my soul telling me that I cannot bear this pain any longer? Thank you.

Response:

To determine if you need to leave this relationship and find the physical intimacy you want; or remain in the relationship as a lesson in growing beyond your old self, you need to first determine what growth you need and are ready for right now. Otherwise you might be struggling for no reason or benefit. Since you haven’t given me any background information on yourself to go on, you are going to have to figure out by yourself what it is about your past history that makes you think that continuing in this friendly but passionless relationship is going to lead to something good for you. Have you used physical intimacy in past relationships as a diversion from the challenges of deeper emotional intimacy and vulnerability? If so, then maybe this relationship is what you need to move forward. But if physical affection is actually a powerful tool for your personal and spiritual growth, then this current relationship may actually be inhibiting your development. Once you have clarity on this, it will be easier to make your decision.

Love,
Deepak

Top comments

  • when I was much younger I had the same situation. I chose to leave and have realized after age 40 your priorities change and having someone you are compatible with in other ways is a lot more important...choose wisely <3

    Annie Wood Griffin // 2013-05-16 06:57:09 // //
  • It sounds to me like Deepak gave the answer. Determine what your goals are and then you will see or make your answer. In my view even if you make the wrong decision you will grow. For many of us we need to be ourselves before we can grow and find our soul mate. I have found that relationships do not have to last a lifetime to be fulfilling. They, however must grow or they are complete.

    Paul Fadnek // 2013-05-16 07:28:34 // //

 

 

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  • Matches are incognit to take so serious about relationship its all about how much love yourself to share and really match it

    Haim Mathews // 2013-05-23 12:14:01 // //
  • Blessed wife, you i`ve never known, but love you more with each day.

    Monk // 2013-05-20 23:37:30 // //
  • I can not imagine being in a passionless relationship. It is of extreme imoportance to my spiritual well-being to have an intimate physical relationship with the person I love. I am recently separated after ten years of marriage. My ex had an affair we could not recover from, but even during our attempt to recover, we were still (I was still) able to have a strong physical relationship. I personally would not sacrifice that for friendship from a man. I have great guy friends and wonderful girlfriends. My partner exists to fulfill the needs of my heart and soul and physical body, and I do for him as well. There is nothing more fun or spiritual, in my opinion, than having great sex with the person you love.

    Lisa // 2013-05-19 15:12:45 // //
  • have found physical intimacy without deep connection to be like a burst of a sugar high and then an eventual drop to the point where the insulin of depth and insulating real warmth is what is truly needed ..

    uknow_1976 // 2013-05-19 13:46:04 // //
  • Hi there. I`ve been in a very similar boat the past three years. I`m dating my best friend. We both have baggage, but luckily most of the time it`s compatible luggage (just as we are very compatible and comfortable and understanding of each other). There are some things where we have "issues" that never seem to be able to be fixed or go away themselves: 1) He asked me out on the ultimatum that he couldn`t just be friends and I didn`t want to lose him as a friend, 2) He wasn`t hugged/touched appropriately when he was younger so now it`s either uncomfortable to him or sexual (to me, I hug friends, family, co-workers, whatever! I`m a very touchy-feely kinda person) This is problematic now that we`ve moved over 1000 miles from my family b/c right now, he`s the only "appropriate" person whom can hug me and I don`t even have a dog to pet or snuggle with! So I`m feeling empty and lonely in that respect. Luckily, my boyfriend will give me really awesome backrubs at least a couple times a week! So, I can`t complain too much, right? 3) Just like any relationship, there are things we do that are pet peeves to the other. So. You want to know if you should stay together or not. Well, it`s be a more difficult path than it should`ve been for us. This is partly b/c I was immature at the beginning and cheated on him (and then told him I did b/c otherwise I thought I was being disrespectful)...he`s let it go, for the most part now. I`ve worked really hard earning his trust since then, so in that way, we are stronger now. Because he`s proved over and over again how abundantly and truly he LOVES me and is my BEST FRIEND, I try really, really hard not to take that for granted these days. It`s no small thing. And even though I know he feels strongly for me, and fought hard to have me, I use that as fuel to be a better person and to learn to love him just as much and be as thoughtful. I can see us growing old together in a nice compatible way. But passionately? I admit that in a lot of ways I`ve given up on that (which in a way is kinda sad since I`m only 30)...but I`ve learned the hard way that fantasy is almost always better than the real thing, so really, *shrugs* who cares! lol My advice would be to take inventory in your mind of all the lovely things your partner has done for you and how they treat you. Try to be conscious of the positive things (even though hormones can make them seem smaller than they really are). And remember, like what the previous commenter wrote, that as you get older, compatibility and true friendship will mean much more than passion. I know that because as I have been struggling with this, I`ve done a little "research" of older couples that are what I want to be like and what their secret is and I ask them what they think about my current situation. The longer I stay and try to grow in this relationship, the more I feel affirmed that I`m doing the right thing by both of us. I hope that whatever you decide, it`s the right choice for both you and your mate. Truly, many blessings and much happiness.

    MisShelly // 2013-05-19 00:26:40 // //
  • que será será whatever will be will be :P

    valentine // 2013-05-19 00:06:09 // //
  • Age is an important variable in deciding issues such as the one here presented. Love is important, but in today's disjointed society _ things are no more the way they used to be. And marriges and life commitments are gone with the wind and some crave active sexual relations and some just do not ! francis a. novello UD

    Frank Novello // 2013-05-18 19:44:42 // //
  • Determining the importance of physical intimacy in comparison to emotional is a delicate measurement to measure. For me its been a determination of what tends to my heart, mind and spirit.

    Patty Conley Henderson // 2013-05-17 20:25:29 // //
  • For me the unfortunate part of not being a physical match with my partner is that it has led to additional problems in the relationship. It used to be just physical, but now there are emotional and communicative issues as well...Just make sure that that breakthrough you are waiting for is one that happens and not one that is always just out of reach.

    Me // 2013-05-17 15:14:44 // //
  • tengo libros

    Rosa Ore Rodriguez // 2013-05-17 13:00:09 // //
  • es mi favorito tengo libros

    Rosa Ore Rodriguez // 2013-05-17 12:59:51 // //
  • necesito traduciion urgente

    Rosa Ore Rodriguez // 2013-05-17 12:49:22 // //
  • por favor necesito traduccion urgente

    Rosa Ore Rodriguez // 2013-05-17 12:48:56 // //
  • I think u need to move on! There are cuddlers, and get it on'ers. Someone who needs to cuddle always will. Us others are fine with a pat on the back and get on with other beautiful things in life. Find a huger, b happy, b yourself.

    Lizabeth Chosen // 2013-05-17 10:46:41 // //
  • Barry - you sound so angry. Books can help, people can help, but ultimately peace lies within. No-one can do the work for us. There are life lessons in everything. Wishing you luck in your search.

    Tess Townsend // 2013-05-17 06:27:51 // //
  • In response to the comment made by Barry Mohn: I have visited this website on many occasions. I have NEVER been seduced by a pay to view video or been pressured to purchase anything! I see many beautiful products offered for sale... books and health care products, BUT there is plenty of FREE information and HELP available if you OPEN yourself to the GIFT. This website is an incredible resource with or without money. I participated in the 21-day meditation... it was a GIFT from Dr Chopra and Opra... they NEVER solicited one penny to participate! Participants were offered the opportunity to purchase a copy after the meditation was over - no pressure, just an opportunity... If you do not find what you are searching for here, embrace personal responsibility and choose to go elsewhere... but just remember, where ever you go, there YOU are!

    Enchanté // 2013-05-16 22:56:16 // //
  • What a big surprise to see You in Argentina. Thank You very very much I'm 65 years old and your books are my great company at all the time, Thank You Very much for all your help, even for the 21 days I'm there it in New York . I

    Marta Cristina Yurie // 2013-05-16 22:43:25 // //
  • *i dont think we are meant to have only 1 life partner....we all shift and grow ;)

    Stephanie Engelsman // 2013-05-16 19:47:30 // //
  • ....i believe we have the answers within us by way of our intuition. We know when something feels good or bad...we ultimately know which way to walk, which food to eat, which movie to watch...we get that gut feeling every moment of every day guiding us on what to do next, what is my next step....from the moment you wake up, to what you eat, read and on and on. If and when you learn to trust your unconcsious mind, your intuition, you will follow your life's path. we all know deep down inside, the answer. just have to 'learn to trust' ourselves. Takes time and once you do that, your life changes forever...you will be drawn to your passions and you can find yourself....then you will know what you want and need for your next relationship....i don't we are destined for '1' life long relationship...don't be so hard on yourself, pat yourself on the back and spend quality time alone....the answers will come..they are within! xoxo i was there, i made the move and it feels right. ;)

    Stephanie Engelsman // 2013-05-16 19:45:53 // //
  • i was in the same space for 13yrs...it has left me alone now & i am very happy...if its not right for you (this relationship) you will leave it or it will leave you...this has been my experience along with the pain of no intimacy...hope u don't have to wait as long as i did; at least i worked on myself the whole time...

    Starshine Giese // 2013-05-16 13:54:15 // //
  • Look every time you post something it leads to you trying to sell a book or charge a fee to watch a Vidio . I just need all the help I can get to turn my life around not someone to mickle and dime me. I'm 56 and don't have a lot of time left to do it . So please I need all the help I can get

    Barry Mohn // 2013-05-16 13:49:14 // //
  • Sometimes it's just the way people are raised . Maybe you could find a couples therapeutic retreat that focuses on reawakening or developing the physical expression of love and intimacy. Thank you for sharing, everyone.

    Percephoni Radford // 2013-05-16 10:31:10 // //
  • Always use what you have to get what you want(need). Live every moment like it is your last. Every soldier goes to war with only the weapon he has. You have love for this person(as you rightly said), use it. After all, love conquers all and understand that the greatest fear is fear itself. No one was born or made for any one. We all came alone and alone shall we depart. Love but grow up!

    Kay Offor // 2013-05-16 09:50:35 // //
  • Must we draw everything we need out of a single relationship? I think not.

    Dan Klahr // 2013-05-16 09:49:17 // //
  • Hey DEEPAK you are smart and everything, so why do you dress so weird???

    Alfredo Sitarosa // 2013-05-16 09:38:33 // //
  • Does he feel the same about you, loving with friendship but no physical compatibility? IF so then stay loving, good friends. Life usually delivers exactly what we need at different times in our life. Don't try to make excuses for what doesn't exist in a relationship, love yourself enough to recognise your needs now and look to fulfil them yourself. You may be surprised and delighted with the new found relationship with self and passion for your life. Remember we are forever evolving, don't be ever afraid of getting older or being single, be truly grateful and happy for all these amazing experiences to become the best person you are meant to be :)

    Debra Lee James-Williamson // 2013-05-16 08:11:30 // //
  • Ultimately when you make your decision an. Own it you will grow

    Paul Fadnek // 2013-05-16 07:39:28 // //
  • It sounds to me like Deepak gave the answer. Determine what your goals are and then you will see or make your answer. In my view even if you make the wrong decision you will grow. For many of us we need to be ourselves before we can grow and find our soul mate. I have found that relationships do not have to last a lifetime to be fulfilling. They, however must grow or they are complete.

    Paul Fadnek // 2013-05-16 07:28:34 // //
  • It is possibly something you need to change in yourself and not the relationship your in its not an easy decision as fear and doubt can stand in your way sometimes being in a relationship can change you spiritually so spend time alone to think about who you really are and what you want from life wish you all the best xxx

    Ann Martin Doyle // 2013-05-16 07:24:29 // //
  • It sounds to me like Deepa

    Paul Fadnek // 2013-05-16 07:22:55 // //
  • when I was much younger I had the same situation. I chose to leave and have realized after age 40 your priorities change and having someone you are compatible with in other ways is a lot more important...choose wisely <3

    Annie Wood Griffin // 2013-05-16 06:57:09 // //
  • I think every challenge in relationship and in life in general is an opportunity for us to grow and to learn to love better. No one is perfect, and if life/God bring people together there must be some good reasons. The universe is full of intelligence that our human mind may not be able to comprehend all the time.

    Yi Wang // 2013-05-16 06:36:34 // //
  • I totally agree with you Coleman Elizabeth, I went through a couple relationships where it was exactly the same. I have been the fantasy girl, have had those extremely passionate relationships that end in absolute heartbreak. One guy, after 2 years, told me that he just wanted an average girl. Said I stressed him out too much. Now, over ten years later, I have been with a man who is loyal, loving, and supportive. He doesn't have the sex drive I do, which has caused me confusion over the years, but then I remember... This is the guy I'm gonna grow old with.. He's my best friend! Where's all that steamy passion gotten you in the past?! Why did those relationships end? Because they were superficial love masked by desire. Anyway, i know people who have both and that's great for them, but I personally would not give up my best friend and the life we have built together for passion.

    Joanne Taylor // 2013-05-16 06:09:11 // //
  • I am at a crossroads as well. My healthy lifestyle compared to a substance abuser. Although, he is a nice man and I Love him, i know in my heart there is too much conflict in my soul. If your soul is giving you conflict with this man and you seek solely more pAssion, then express that and share those feelings with him. Perhaps he is feeling the same way? No need to let fear/confusion stand in your way. You have had past relationship, there are many people who desire the same things. Be specific bout what you desire, make a list of qualities you desire in a mate. Also know, in every relationship, over time...... Passion...... Subsides. And in return hopefully you have a great companion and friend :)

    Kim Lynch // 2013-05-16 05:26:07 // //
  • The passion is created and found in the magics moments.

    Nancy Ximena // 2013-05-16 05:09:49 // //
  • If your not married or no children than move on.

    Renee McCoy // 2013-05-16 04:17:29 // //
  • UN urges people to eat insects to fight world hunger life is life whether animal, bird, insects or human there is no difference between living being idea difference is of a human conception for man own advantage ♥ http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-22508439

    Atul Bafna // 2013-05-16 03:16:04 // //
  • Is the physical expression of love not through affection and passion? Was it ever there or did something change in the relationship? Was trust broken or some issue come up between you that made either of you put up defences which became a barrier to intimacy? Are you fundamentally different people and while you do care and love for him as a person ... You are not in love with him? Listen to your gut and intuition ... We all deserve to be truly happy ... To be truly loved and have the physical expression of that in our lives. You would not say to your 6 month old baby ... "Well we get on well and I do love you but I'm not hugging you and being affectionate "... It's a fundamental human need. Every relationship offers you a chance to define who you are by what you bring to it and how you are being in it. So your choice is to overcome your own fears and insecurities in order to bring love and intimacy back into the relationship if that is what is required or be loving to yourself and your partner by moving on with your lives. We only get one chance at this life and life without true love and expression of it is a very cold and lonely place. Wish you all the best

    Conor McCarthy // 2013-05-16 02:42:35 // //
  • Profound!

    Fonda Williams // 2013-05-16 01:54:54 // //
  • I love you Deepak x

    Karen Shimell // 2013-05-16 01:29:29 // //
  • Well Said Deepak. There is a lesson in every occurrence in life. Embrace it, understand it and once You have sight of what it is, then you can turn the page and continue reading onto the next page. Then will you have more clues into the understanding and purpose in life. I too was in a similar situation and would find small reasons to hide a big reason for mini discomforts and that was that my core was telling me he is not for me. However I had issues with trust and communication and he was perfect at helping me somehow get over that. Hard lesson but how do put a Patrice on a valuable lesson. Miss love sailor.: I encourage you to believe the lesson in it all and that there is a reason for everything... Even the way you are feeling now. Listen to it and you will have clarity and know what to do from there on. Life is too short ...and spent foolishly once we begin to think more than you feel and act. Noa

    Maria Noa Habshi // 2013-05-16 01:26:57 // //
  • Relationships are not about helping ourselves grow, as much as it should be about helping other's grow thanks for the answers

    Jc Carlos // 2013-05-16 01:17:40 // //
  • Not always an easy task to look at our own real true self...

    Shawna Longo // 2013-05-16 00:49:45 // //
  • None of you are thinking about the right way of dealing with this. Many belief systems have dealt with the fact of abstinence until marriage and it's for many reasons than just the obvious. Too many people can compare partners these days and we are entitled to that because we have no consequences. Maybe if people start approaching situations with some wisdom in the first place, we wouldn't have to search for reasons why you are "searching" or "confused". When you share intimacy with a person, that connection lasts forever, even if you don't want it to and leaks into your future relationships. It is the spider web of physical connections you are battling, not the fact that you don't know what you want.

    Tyler David Braun // 2013-05-16 00:49:34 // //
  • Very sound advice for we cannot make those decisions for anyone it is up to each individual to look and search within ourselves the answer is there but not always an easy task to look at out own real truth...

    Shawna Longo // 2013-05-16 00:48:20 // //
  • You are very right Christine Frontiera :-)))

    Carl Wilkinson // 2013-05-16 00:43:12 // //
  • Fear for loosing ..... fear makes human do wrong things .... it hampers decision making .... makes life miserable .... learn to live fear free!

    Suneeta Sharma // 2013-05-16 00:31:43 // //
  • Think about your teaching of love and YOU will answer your soul

    Andrea Wheeler // 2013-05-16 00:26:45 // //
  • hmmm, perhaps we shouldn't look at what love can do for us, but what we can do for love. Relationships are not about helping ourselves grow, as much as it should be about helping other's grow. Is it always take, take, take? We are consumers even in our relationships. If it isn't making ME happy, then its worthless. What can it do for ME? what am I getting out of it? What about what can you GIVE to it? ....

    Christine Frontiera // 2013-05-16 00:20:45 // //
  • le admiramos mucho, lastima no hay tradccion en español para los escritos, y por mas que colocamos el traductor google no los traduce,

    Anamari Martzi // 2013-05-16 00:19:46 // //
  • I've been going through the same thing. We found out that my husband has a very low testosterone level and he's embarrassed of the whole thing which makes him shut down. It's hard, but I can't imagine my life without him after 30 years. Good luck and do what's really best for you. Hard decision.

    Irene Lambly // 2013-05-16 00:14:33 // //
  • Wise words Deepak... As usual! But how do you keep in touch with your own relationship if you travel so much.... ??? Love ... Is like a skein of wool... Never ending but we reach plateau's and realise the good communication is the thread that holds it all together... We cannot be one.. If two people are leading separate lives in theirs minds! Is there a connectedness... Cause the physicality of any relationship has its ups and downs. Do you respect yourself? One wonders if.. You don't! Don't play mind games with yourself.. Accept... And the loving will come! Love is ... So heart centred.. It confounds the mind and keeps trying to sabotage the ... NOW!!!

    Lynette O'Sullivan // 2013-05-15 23:50:08 // //
  • Deepack always wow me! I love the reasoning.

    Marcio Pereira // 2013-05-15 23:48:30 // //
  • Its about understanding what your emotional and physical needs are ultimately its about compromise as you are only 50% responsible to make any relationship work.

    Randir Singh // 2013-05-15 23:47:21 // //
  • I would communicate to the emotion "part" pain and fear, then have the part or parts merge in one location in body, heal with touch, Once the neg emotion and thoughts are cleared, the thoughts and emotions are clear. thus her right path and choice can be cleared.

    Joe Rowland // 2013-05-15 23:44:06 // //
  • Open your eyes and your heart, not your mind!

    Eileen Labe Genslinger // 2013-05-15 23:38:46 // //
  • Que bonito!!!

    Aurora Calderon // 2013-05-15 23:37:51 // //
  • ...i don't understand ABSENCE...and i don't understand spending/wasting time on a FANTASY...PASSION is GREAT, with the right person...and with someone who appreciates you OVERALL...that's passion.

    Coleman Elizabeth // 2013-05-15 23:32:08 // //
  • Yes!!

    Lorri Dunn // 2013-05-15 23:32:05 // //
  • Most people know in their own hearts and souls when a relationship is not working but they just can't find the strength to finish it and just can't face the embarrassment of what friends and family may think of another failed relationship.so they hang on in there because of fear.....sacrificing their own happiness .......my only advice is .....get strong ......walk....walk for hours if you have to and think it out ....don't sit in a corner ... That doesn't work .....eat good food.....spend more time with the kids/friends.....basically work on building up the relationship you have with everything else in life.....and the answer and soloution will soon come regarding the one remaining troubled relationship ......all the best :-)

    Colm Cahill // 2013-05-15 23:27:16 // //
  • That's Deep ;)

    Crystle Meyer Miser // 2013-05-15 23:27:13 // //
  • Thanks for the answer, Deepak!

    Marina Rivas // 2013-05-15 23:13:36 // //
  • ...the bad part about PASSION is...everybody wants it...and for guys (from my point of view and experience)...PASSION equals FANTASY...as in, FANTASY GIRL...and ironically, one of my ex's of 5 years...the one who said i was "too nice" also said i was his/like a "fantasy girl" :/ wtf:? yeah...i just spent/wasted 5 years...passionately wild for and crazy about a guy who never got past a FANTASY...must be nice...anyway...i say that to say...be careful with that PASSION stuff...because some folks don't take it seriously in a lasting way...because the PASSIONATE FANTASY GIRL is NOT the girl he takes home to mamma or marries...that's my experience...and i'm not saying this is the rule because i say so...i'm just saying...watch out for the guy who's all hyped on YOUR PASSION...because in the end, just like the FANTASY GIRLS in the STRIP CLUBS...they leave out and go home...to their REAL GIRL...and it ain't you...

    Coleman Elizabeth // 2013-05-15 23:08:55 // //
  • ...i think LESS COMPLICATED works best...although i do well under pressure, i have to admit that, as i grow older...i just don't think i can keep up with so much drama is all...i'm all about PASSION...i hate over analysing relationship...

    Coleman Elizabeth // 2013-05-15 22:53:41 // //
  • ...when your a kid...you try really hard to PLEASE YOUR PARENTS...especially if you have critical ones...ones that watch your every move...mistakes that are expressed to the highest extreme. then, we grow up...and our PEERS become our PRESSURE in a way...AT WORK you are expected to play a roll...do your best at all times...be your best at all times...this is the expectation of EVERYONE. it can be overwhelming at times...over time...exhausting...especially when it seems that you will never be anybody's best anything. and so...we come to REALITY, and that's where the saying "you can't please all of the people all of the time" comes into focus...i understand it...

    Coleman Elizabeth // 2013-05-15 22:51:04 // //
  • I too have been in a similar situation, its very difficult! Bottom line you deserve it all, so don't settle... I need passion in a relationship.

    Krista Degnan // 2013-05-15 22:49:50 // //
  • Wow, I so relate to this....

    Claire Rebuck // 2013-05-15 22:48:35 // //
  • i went through the exact problem...and according to what dr Choppra wrote..i made the right decision. i agree with monique a. longoria wrote...bur also..your heart mind and soul should be in sync...its hard..i know.if you want to know how i solved it..write me back.

    Doris Gibbs Sinclair // 2013-05-15 22:46:48 // //
  • ^ gun control is a must in us constitution. 1. guaranteed by the four freedoms, the 5th amendment, the declaration of independence. 2. 2nd amendment - is directly concerned to a well regulated army not citizens!!!! 3. every government duty is to protect the citizen's right to life and security. 4. george bush refused because his main allies was the National Rifle Association. 5. the right to gun control was declared unconstitutional only during the bush administration which is vested interest, plus its unconstitutional - it goes against the Declaration of Independence. 6. under bush gun makers are exempt from civil lawsuits....which is also against the constitution...under due process, everyone has a right to life. 1. 2nd amendment....the amendment to bear arms is to do with militia/police officers. * The 2nd Amendment was ratified on December 17, 1791..the text is as follows. * A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. * notice, the first word is a well regulated militia...which means army. * therefore the right to bear arms is directly related to a well regulated which means well controlled...army!! * due to the need of a army to protect a free state. * notice also, the most important is the need for a militia to secure a free state...the right to bear arms & assault weapons is directly threatening your militia and free state....which is absolute unconstitutional....!!!! 2. definition of free state - the 4 freedoms - freedom from fear....!!! * The Four Freedoms were goals articulated by United States President Franklin D. Roosevelt on January 6, 1941. In an address known as the Four Freedoms speech (technically the 1941 State of the Union address), he proposed four fundamental freedoms that people "everywhere in the world" ought to enjoy: Freedom of speech, Freedom of worship, Freedom from want, Freedom from fear. (www.wikipedia.org.) * guns without background checks means that guns will be sold to illegals...that is fear. * assault weapons is also creating a fearful atmosphere. * that is against the us constitution. * any law that tampers with the fundamental right to security is unconstitutional!!!! * which means killing another, bearing arms without security checks & immunity to gunmakers. * which goverment or constitution would support the right to kill citizens at random? * that is terrorism, which is against national security...which is the main purpose of the 2nd amendment!! * the life of a person is a property that government must protect at all costs! * drafted by Thomas Jefferson, was adopted by the Second Continental Congress on July 4, 1776.[2] The text of the second section of the Declaration of Independence reads, We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. * Locke argued in his Two Treatises of Government that political society existed for the sake of protecting "property", which he defined as a person's "life, liberty, and estate". (www.civilliberty.about.com) 3. us 5th amendment....the right to life & due process of law. * nobody can take anothers life without due process of law. * so how can we sanction killing, assault weapons and not ban terrorism on the streets of usa. * the freedom to live without fear is guaranteed under the 5th amendment. * it is one of the purpose of us government, * The Fifth Amendment and Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution declare that governments cannot deprive any person of "life, liberty, or property" without due process of law. * which means we cannot kill another without court intervention...if people are carrying guns and threatening the lives of all citizens without due process of law that is terrorism, that is criminal and that is protected under the 5th amendment. 4. united nations...declaration of human rights...the right to security. * us stands with united nations on global disarmament. * this allows us to keep intervening, like george w bush, into affairs of national security into other countries. * so what about your own country??? * us citizens are breaking united nations international human rights laws. * this is a human rights and national security question. * nobody has the right to bear arms, and therefore threaten the security of others! * Article 3 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights reads, "Everyone has the right to life, liberty, and security of person". 6. clinton gun control & attempted frame with lewinsky. * Brady Bill, introduced in 1987, by President Bill Clinton. * made it difficult to purchase a handgun, mandatory 5-day waiting period after handgun purchases and required local law enforcement to run background checks on purchasers. * On Sept. 13, 1994, Clinton signed the Assault Weapons Ban into law as part of the 1994 Crime Bill. Targeting semi-automatic weapons bearing characteristics of military guns, the AWB banned a wide range of weapons, such as the AK-47 and the AR series of rifles. Among guns outlawed by the AWB were any that included two or more of a list of characteristics ranging from telescoping stocks to bayonet mounts. * banned the importation of certain makes of so-called “assault pistols,” such as Uzis, and requiring firearms dealers to submit to fingerprinting and background checks. * outfitting its guns with trigger locks and agreeing to implement “smart gun” technology within two years. * this is probably why george w bush tried to frame clinton by claiming that he had slept with lewinsky which is nothing more than a schoolboy prank...if a woman sleeps with a married man, it is not the man's fault but the woman's fault...any woman should know better than to encourage a married man!!!! its all lies that he slept with lewinsky. 7.george bush associated with NRA = vested interest & unconstitutional laws. * refusing to sign gun control bill. * National Rifle Association is george bush staunchest allies. * September 2004 deadline for renewing the ban came and went without an extension as the Republican-led Congress declined to take up the matter. * Bush administration appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court John Roberts and Samuel Alito on the high court. * Three years later, the court took up arguments in District of Columbia v. Heller, a critical case revolving around the District’s 25-year handgun ban. In a landmark ruling, the court knocked down the ban as unconstitutional and ruled for the first time that the Second Amendment applies to individuals, providing a right to own guns for self-defense inside the home. Both Roberts and Alito ruled with the majority in a narrow 5-4 decision. * In a 283-144 vote, the U.S. House of Representatives has given the final approval of Congress to a controversial bill giving U.S. gun makers broad protection from civil lawsuits. this was passed in 2005-2006...under the bush administation, which only seeks to kill its own citizens, which is odds with the constitution to protect the lives of all citizens not only citizens who with to bear arms and threaten the lives of citizens, g

    Susan Varghese // 2013-05-15 22:46:01 // //
  • As usual, needs to be abridged deepak! Lots of circumambulant verbiage! Whhhhaaaaatttt? If you wat peeps to get your message make it accessible and not dense and like a college phd dissertation with tons of words thrown togetjerto sound very deep with no context or content.

    Christine Bahr // 2013-05-15 22:45:02 // //
  • GOOD ADVISE , EVERY BODY HAS TO KNOW ITS OWN ESPIRITUAL GROWING,,,,,,,,,999999999999

    Martin M Lupian // 2013-05-15 22:43:40 // //
  • i've spent soo much time, within each relationship that i've ever had...hmmm, let's count them actually :/ first bf...appx 5 years...i wasn't good enough...a good girl, but not good girl enough apparently...so but then i thought...perhaps he found a "good girl" in his baby mamma...although, they never solidified the relationship even after the kid, so...perhaps with HER, it was something else...but, i tried...i did try to be as good as good could be at a early age. my next long relationship...last appx 5 years, on and off with the same person...i think he knows i was a "good girl" but for him...it was too good...he actually told me that i was to TOO NICE...like PUSH OVER NICE...ok, whatever...some people would say that's what you call, assuming nice means WEAKNESS...and so, he treated me badly in the end, so to teach me that i should be more tough/not so trusting...i guess i learned. the next long tern relationship latest appx...5 years...steady actually...and i was faithful the entire time, honestly...by the 5th year/end, he told me that i should "go out"...i knew then that he was giving me the pass to MOVE ON...at that point, after i added it all up (finally)...i DID move on. he had done so ALREADY and was actually having another relationship with another the entire time...it was the other lady he ended up with...they were more equally yolk FINANCIALLY...i knew we had a pretty huge age gap and that at some point within the 5 years, i need to show the i could be self sufficient...it was then i got my first apartment (alone), a purchased a brand new car (first time buyer, at that time), had maintained steady employment for 3 years, was loyal and faithful to him...didn't mess around...we spent alot of time together as friends/couple...peas and carrots...never argued...everyday was like a FIRST...it was "perfect"ly and as compatible as two could be...but, what i had wasn't enough...he was use to the SILVER SPOON lifestyle and was able and mature/connected to sustain that life...i was the young girl from Compton, starting from scratch with not too much of a clue about things but was managing well. i do feel as though throughout my past relationships, even with family...i have been ever so patient and forgiving...i've always been pressured to BE MORE and DO MORE...ME...not US...not initially US...US happens if you can pass the test...but...i never pass...and the "other girl/lady" gets the rewards...i'm left holding the bag. i figure...hmmm, maybe i'm the one that's not right...i'm the one that needs to BLOW UP FAMOUS or something...HIT THE LOTTO...GET A MASTERS...BUY THAT BENZ...heck, i don 't know what it is they want or need to see...but it's definatly something :? it's always something...something more...it's like, living to prove yourself worthy. oh, and don't let me make a mistake...you gets knocked down a peg or two...and there i go...paddling hard to GET BACK...over and over and over again...this is how it goes. we live in a MAJOR socialist society...and WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU DO, WHERE YOU LIVE, HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE, WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, WHO YOU WITH, etc, etc...MATTERS...especially here in Hollywood/LA/California...it's all about IMAGE and perception. I get it...

    Coleman Elizabeth // 2013-05-15 22:41:40 // //
  • Asking the questions, seeking an answer & being open to the outcome are the first steps in progressing towards clarity of making a decision. Be true to yourself, but regard your beloved with love.

    Meghann Martindale // 2013-05-15 22:41:39 // //
  • "Fear "is the reason she can't move on. That's all......

    Mildred Colon // 2013-05-15 22:41:30 // //
  • someday i believe I'll meet a romantic partner who compliments me intellectually, physically, spiritually, emotionally and communicatively...all of these elements seem necessary for how I want to love... but...As I spent the day today finalizing my divorce papers and am spending the night alone for the first of what I imagine will be many nights...I wonder if it is possible?? Or are 4 of the five elements of connectivity enough? Or three?? If so which ones. And beyond those elements, there are many other things that I realize are important for successful long term commitment: shared visions/dreams...along side of the shared visions, room and trust for individual adventures and growth. within these visions we "plan" with our loved ones, clear conversation about the paths we imagine taking to accomplish them. It's so important to flow within the process, yet guide it along through open loving communication so you don't wake up one day and realize the life you thought you were creating with someone is completely different than what they thought was going on. Well that's my 58 cents.

    Cole J. Dack // 2013-05-15 22:41:24 // //
  • The way to know if this person is right for you is when your heart and mind are in agreement. It is better now that you are not married to walk away. Deep down in your heart you know the answer, and you have to be ready to accept the consequences of that decision.

    Patricia Phillips // 2013-05-15 22:40:15 // //
  • You can't eat your cake and have it too! I feel you need to use this to grow as a person. This question is like saying omg he's sooo hot but we have no chemistry, ill stay with him for the good looks. Listen sometimes having someone who treats you right and loves you unconditionally is what the soul needs! Good luck though.

    Monique A. Longoria // 2013-05-15 22:39:42 // //
  • SALUDOS SEÑOR

    José Jackson Guadamuz Guadamuz // 2013-05-15 22:36:59 // //
  • Uhhh I don't get it.

    Sheki Williams // 2013-05-15 22:36:49 // //
  • Hhhmm was the 122th person 2 like this and it hits close to home! Wow! And 122 is my number its everywhere and it was listed 1 and 22 in my lucky numbers for my bday forcast yesterday! And 222 pops up all the time 2!

    Elissa Leitte // 2013-05-15 22:35:56 // //
  • I have struggled with this , a couple of times. And I believe I can relate. You need to be true to yourself and your needs. The right person will satisfy you physically, as well as mentally and spiritually.

    Cindy Walsh // 2013-05-15 22:34:03 // //
  • me too

    Dolci Ma Vita // 2013-05-15 22:33:28 // //
  • Thank you do much for this Deepak

    Lori Guidinglight // 2013-05-15 22:30:31 // //
  • good insight!

    Bennie Mayberry // 2013-05-15 22:26:41 // //
  • I am at this impasse myself....and must choose passion. <3 I hope you find your passion too. Namaste.

    Brianne Armstrong // 2013-05-15 22:26:35 // //
  • Asking the question really gave you the answer. You need physical affection. Only you can answer that as you did.

    Joan Muhme // 2013-05-15 22:25:07 // //
  • Thank you. I can completely relate to this struggle right now.

    Janeen M. Irving // 2013-05-15 22:24:44 // //
  • wonderful

    Margarete Cäcilia Koester // 2013-05-15 22:24:36 // //
  • Love isn't based on logic.

    Shivam Beniwal // 2013-05-15 22:23:55 // //
  • hmm.. intriguing.. mine is fLip side.. spiriTuaL insTead.. wondering almost the same :>?

    Reallyme Loveagain // 2013-05-15 22:22:47 // //
  • Love how you have addressed this ~ IL&G <3

    Heather Guay // 2013-05-15 22:21:39 // //
  • Hottie

    Tracey Douglas-Palos // 2013-05-15 22:20:55 // //