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Deepak Quotes

We can either allow our past to keep interfering with our optimal expression of love and happiness, or we can move beyond our past with renewed passion for life.

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Events

 
 
 
February 22 2013

Honoring Others Positions

Category:  Ask Deepak

Question:

Dear Deepak: Based on your prior posts, your interpretation of how to deal with things you can't control in life was : "Once you are able to honor others choices without taking it personally, you will be at peace". What if other's choices is against your beliefs? How would you define "boundaries" in a relationships and how can we "stand up" for our rights if we should honor other's choices? Thanks.

Response:
Honoring others choices will often mean that they are in conflict with your own choices and beliefs. If their views agree with yours, then there is nothing that challenges you to broaden your perspective. To honor another’s choices that you disagree with means that even though they have come to a different position from yours, you can understand and respect the different experiences and backgrounds that have led to their choices. This is the cornerstone of all successful conflict resolution.

Standing up for your rights and boundaries will vary from one person to the other depending upon how they interpret what are their rights and the boundaries of their self. For adults in the process of healing a past of childhood abuse, they will feel many typical human interactions violate of their rights and boundaries that others without that background wouldn’t necessarily feel. But as we heal our past, the sense of rights and boundaries tends to shift away from a defensive stance toward more of a simple knowingness of what is important to your growth and joy and life and maintaining a focus on that and not worrying about conflicting opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own views, their own path of growth, their own life choices, just as you are. When you can honor that, in spite of it being different than your own path, then it makes life more peaceful and enjoyable, and the boundary issues take care of themselves.

Love,
Deepak

Top comments

  • Hey, I repect you very much Deepak. Believe me, you have attained a level of personal awareness and contribution that many can all only dream and strive for! But how about in a divorce situation, when a persons choices and beliefs seem to be specifically aimed at destroying you financially, emotionally and socially relationship wise with your children for the rest of your life. Sure you can be "awareness accepting and understanding" but unfortunately its seems to be a "destroy back or be destroyed" situation or one will get really taken advantage of. Or in a business dispute. These are just general examples but I would struggle successfully applying your advice in these settings. Thanks!

    Peter D. Yates // 2013-02-23 01:59:00 // //
  • Once again: it's ALL about LOVE!!! A person's choice reflects who they are: when you love them, AND LOVE YOURSELF, you CAN respect those choices because it is part of their identity. Those diverse choices is what gives the world "color". Love does not seek to "control" or manipulate. Even God Himself honors our choices. However, life is a journey. Boundaries? Actually, we all know that the actual Universe isn't that complicated because somehow we are all connected. INFORMED choices, per Socrates, indicate we would not make choices that would "harm" us by crossing those "boundaries". Buddhism answers these questions beautifully.

    Hilda Harris // 2013-02-23 09:16:19 // //

 

 

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All comments

  • well said!

    Sarah Revels // 2013-02-28 12:26:08 // //
  • nice ppix sirji

    Suri Ko Yaad Rakhana // 2013-02-26 08:16:07 // //
  • parece la portada

    Miguel Henry Morales Vega // 2013-02-25 20:16:48 // //
  • (y)

    Adam Pitts // 2013-02-25 16:35:15 // //
  • Brilliantly placed words to describe exactly how I feel about this subject

    Joe Figliano // 2013-02-24 16:37:50 // //
  • beautiful

    Laina Calliope // 2013-02-24 11:37:05 // //
  • Thank you Deepak! Looking forward to your next M. Challenge!

    Karin Weidemann // 2013-02-24 08:28:48 // //
  • I really needed this one today thank you!!

    Candyce Hosterman // 2013-02-24 00:26:57 // //
  • thank you Deepak,

    Ningning Guinto // 2013-02-24 00:11:43 // //
  • Deepak is so right in this. I am 50+ years; it has taken most of my life to come to a ground that I was not defensive any longer and that others views are just that, their views. It is not the view of myself. I have learned that those that are quick to judge has had no interest in really knowing me (who I am or how I got here) but rather more willing to shove attention off of themselves.

    Sandra Benson // 2013-02-23 21:10:30 // //
  • i feel constantly giving love to the situation, while respecting both positions, helps me build natural boundaries when conflict arises. it has seemed to work so far ;)

    Nicole Alred // 2013-02-23 18:51:35 // //
  • it's a big wide world and with acceptance i also get to choose the people i want to share my life energy with....it does not have to be mutually exclusive...

    Maribeth Topalanchik // 2013-02-23 14:17:16 // //
  • With confidence give the situation / relationship over to Divine purpose ...freedom and success is found in surrender and detachment- Remembering boundaries are essentially illusions - thx Deepak! Namaste.

    Tara Dactyl // 2013-02-23 14:04:54 // //
  • Megan x me too x can relate x Deepak x thankyou x I am reminded to stay nutural x even tho the other party's continue to push buttons x I love cut cords n discern x working on boundaries x thank you x x x

    Riana George // 2013-02-23 13:35:41 // //
  • I needed this during the elections when I was defending my point of view/beliefs against certain agendas.

    Jody Bartee // 2013-02-23 13:30:14 // //
  • I've been struggling with an emotional conflict for the past couple days and you have just alleviated me of the burden I was putting on myself...Thank you Deepak..

    Megan Kane // 2013-02-23 13:25:06 // //
  • This is exactly what I needed to hear right now...Thank you..

    Megan Kane // 2013-02-23 13:23:53 // //
  • I agree, Janice!

    Patricia Roebuck Nash // 2013-02-23 13:12:08 // //
  • haveing this page is best thing that has came out of facebook

    Janice Gualtier // 2013-02-23 12:54:34 // //
  • Like honoring George Bush's decision to blow the hell outta Iraq so corporations [and thus himself] would many horrendous amounts of money? I cannot honor that ever.

    Deborah Riley // 2013-02-23 12:46:23 // //
  • I have found that in surrendering my ideas as ultimate truth, I became without effort, understanding of other peoples position and less concerned with forcefeeding or needing others to become aware of mine or the reasons I hold what has grown to unfold as my truth :) enjoy the journey folks!

    Massimo Incalcaterra // 2013-02-23 12:18:51 // //
  • @haiku you are wise, thank you. @Rich G thanks for providing a helping hand. I think i`m getting somewhat the explanation given by Deepak. lets take some worst examples. suppose my spouse wants to flirt or have sex with another person, then i`m in pain but i need to respect his/her opinion, as he/she might be grown up in that environment or that he/she is more open and fun loving and i`m not. With that being said i"ll never raise a voice while respecting others vision & i can`t claim something to be right or wrong. Now let me focus on the things of "growth and joy and life" for myself & that is "..???..". So is it that i need not to be dependent on any other person ever, so i should not risk myself with any of the relationships of this type & keep meditation as my goal to settle in myself(should be great, if that ever happens to me) Lets take another example, respecting a thief or killer for he is grownup in that environment...& there are no boundaries.....you don`t raise your voice.. he will continue to be that way... No i`m not getting it.... you need to honor others action and still be suffering but not that much by constantly thinking & revengefully acting over it...which is very difficult to do unless you calm yourself down by some thing like: you are neutralizing your old karmas. but still the problem persist and you need to suffer...??

    rascal // 2013-02-23 12:02:11 // //
  • Wise prescription...for problems of Time.....in terms of Time as well as from the perspective of Timeless state.....honouring for peace by conflict resolution and by knowingness for peace n joy by growth n evolution.

    Gnv Aradhya // 2013-02-23 11:35:37 // //
  • Amen!

    Martha Gonzalez // 2013-02-23 11:29:04 // //
  • Good lesson, thanks for sharing your wisdom,

    Beatrice Ungaro Lanni // 2013-02-23 11:08:37 // //
  • Choosing to happy and letting others be right!

    Rob Moore // 2013-02-23 11:08:15 // //
  • I Love, the way you look at life so Philosophically! Thank you.

    Debbie Rowe // 2013-02-23 10:58:58 // //
  • Excelente, gracias por compartir tu sabiduría.

    Josie Gamboa // 2013-02-23 10:48:58 // //
  • Love this man!

    Deborah Pelicot // 2013-02-23 10:43:46 // //
  • Peace out, Peeps!

    Sue Kernish // 2013-02-23 10:14:18 // //
  • When we realize that our opinions and those of others has nothing to do with who we really are i believe the problem would be solved . Thanks Deepak for the insight .

    Suzan Nammour // 2013-02-23 09:54:43 // //
  • It takes constant commitment to one's own personal growth though ...

    Suzan Nammour // 2013-02-23 09:50:53 // //
  • I really enjoyed reading this. It reminds me where I need to get back to in my life. I have been away from me the last few years. I feel that I am coming back. Thank you.

    An DeLoof // 2013-02-23 09:49:22 // //
  • Thank you!

    Daisy Singh // 2013-02-23 09:34:57 // //
  • Wonderful!

    Liliana Ponce de Leon // 2013-02-23 09:30:49 // //
  • Once again: it's ALL about LOVE!!! A person's choice reflects who they are: when you love them, AND LOVE YOURSELF, you CAN respect those choices because it is part of their identity. Those diverse choices is what gives the world "color". Love does not seek to "control" or manipulate. Even God Himself honors our choices. However, life is a journey. Boundaries? Actually, we all know that the actual Universe isn't that complicated because somehow we are all connected. INFORMED choices, per Socrates, indicate we would not make choices that would "harm" us by crossing those "boundaries". Buddhism answers these questions beautifully.

    Hilda Harris // 2013-02-23 09:16:19 // //
  • Question: Then is it ok to "block" people on Facebook and twitter?

    Daniel Rodgers Park // 2013-02-23 09:03:24 // //
  • Thank you.

    Agnès Rouby // 2013-02-23 08:52:25 // //
  • In the simplest form, "it is what it is". Your opinion and interpretation of a subject is just that, it yours. If you don`t agree with another persons thoughts, thats OK too. There is no need to be upset. Now if the other person is going to do harm to someone or something, that is a different story.

    Rich G // 2013-02-23 08:43:03 // //
  • Said so well!

    Debbie Knight Tringali // 2013-02-23 08:33:47 // //
  • So true!

    Andrew Gunn-Wilinski // 2013-02-23 08:26:09 // //
  • Just learnt something so beautiful today. Thank you.

    Sugarbakers Decor & Design // 2013-02-23 08:07:46 // //
  • Perfect for where I am today! Thank you :-)

    Laura Minsk // 2013-02-23 08:06:18 // //
  • it is very difficult.....

    Sunita Miglani // 2013-02-23 08:04:17 // //
  • I love you,you have helped me grow and believe in ways I never knew I could. You are an amazing man!

    Karyn Brunslik Downey // 2013-02-23 08:01:42 // //
  • Deepakchopra tengo una pregunta! Que es el poder de la oración si lo que va a pasar va a pasar, entonces por más que rece uno???? Nada cambia. Aparte a quien le rezas ??? A la energía universal?? O a quiennnn?.???

    Cecilia Lopez // 2013-02-23 08:00:43 // //
  • La traducción es una cagada y no se entiende nada; ke tal si se hace una buena traducción de la publicación así entendemos todos? Perdón, pero me pasa ke siempre ke veo la traducción tengo la esperanza de ke traduzcan correctamente y me siento frustrada!!!

    Karito Taborda // 2013-02-23 07:59:15 // //
  • It is like you are speaking directly to me! Thank you, Deepak. You are amazing!

    Angela Garner // 2013-02-23 07:54:36 // //
  • love this

    Monica De La Torre // 2013-02-23 07:45:54 // //
  • Dear peter, excepting everything and learning that everything and every person in your life is there for a cause is one of the hardest but essential lessons of life, for true , permenant inner change ,happiness and future, thats What life is actually about life is 10%is about What happens and %90 is How you react to it.. With love and Light...

    Şebnem Orhun // 2013-02-23 07:43:51 // //
  • Human rights must be approached in a way that is meaningful and relevant in diverse cultural contexts. ... I,m agree with Deepak Chopra, he is master teacher..

    Martin Metin Cengiz // 2013-02-23 07:21:19 // //
  • I am with Peter Yates on this issue.

    Patricia Weithers // 2013-02-23 06:54:24 // //
  • Needed to hear this today!!

    Mary Saulnier // 2013-02-23 06:38:44 // //
  • <3

    Gill Dahlgren // 2013-02-23 06:04:51 // //
  • Beautifully explained Deepak. O

    Heather Heald // 2013-02-23 05:43:18 // //
  • @Susan Browder - you must learn to forgive your self <3

    Richard Isaac Christopher // 2013-02-23 04:50:41 // //
  • I can forgive you for not forgiving me.

    Susan Browder // 2013-02-23 04:12:57 // //
  • 10Q,Chopra.U have contribute much4my Eternal Pilgrimage. Yes, Embracing all~ Accepting 'Others' Personalities, ideas, experiences with ONE Eye is~Compassion Wisdom,Compassion

    Takele Birhanu // 2013-02-23 04:07:41 // //
  • Thank you Deepak. I have been struggling with this exact issue. :)

    Brandee Slosar // 2013-02-23 03:51:30 // //
  • hahaha.

    Virendra Daryani // 2013-02-23 03:38:40 // //
  • My Question to Doctor OZ: Why the women in your show want to live longer, but they eat meat and do not give the same chance to the animals? Those with power eat those without power! I want a Constitution where I have more rights than the people who eat meat; they have to be considered inferior people! We are not Equals! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dQPiUvGDcY&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D0dQPiUvGDcY&has_verified=1 The Cardinals who elect the Pope eat meat! In Jesus time came out rivers of blood from the animals sacrifice in the Temple – you will not find God in such Temple! A Buddhist is horrified in such Temple! From this point of view Buddhism is Superior to Christianity, Islam, Judaism… ‘I live on the Animal Planet’ Adrian Adrian Ferent

    Adrian Ferent // 2013-02-23 03:34:06 // //
  • If only....

    Wendy Hartslief // 2013-02-23 03:32:05 // //
  • Needed to hear this today, thanks for posting!!

    Kim Nery Drndarski // 2013-02-23 02:40:01 // //
  • Thank u, for me it's helps me everyday, to be able to coupe with a difficult and painful divorce thank u deepak

    Esmeralda Machado // 2013-02-23 02:27:38 // //
  • Hey, I repect you very much Deepak. Believe me, you have attained a level of personal awareness and contribution that many can all only dream and strive for! But how about in a divorce situation, when a persons choices and beliefs seem to be specifically aimed at destroying you financially, emotionally and socially relationship wise with your children for the rest of your life. Sure you can be "awareness accepting and understanding" but unfortunately its seems to be a "destroy back or be destroyed" situation or one will get really taken advantage of. Or in a business dispute. These are just general examples but I would struggle successfully applying your advice in these settings. Thanks!

    Peter D. Yates // 2013-02-23 01:59:00 // //
  • Thank You!

    Aline Valade // 2013-02-23 01:40:50 // //
  • Great insight. I have heard it before, however you explained it quite well. Thank you!

    Damaris Thompson // 2013-02-23 01:38:05 // //
  • To find peace, does it necessarily means compromising your beliefs? Didn't you characterize belief is nothing else but a cover up for insecurity? Welcome to the new age movement!

    Saboune Mahadjoub // 2013-02-23 01:37:20 // //
  • Excellent question and answer- thank you for sharing this.

    Myriam Gareau // 2013-02-23 01:28:17 // //
  • like

    Sandhya Devi Jhowry // 2013-02-23 01:28:11 // //
  • This was so helpful to me. Just wow! Thank you.

    Estella Gifford // 2013-02-23 01:25:24 // //
  • You never fail to put the words together.

    Karen Cammarota-Keefe // 2013-02-23 01:09:22 // //
  • So pure... Thank you.

    Toni Callahan // 2013-02-23 01:09:21 // //
  • Podría publicar en español por que me encanta chopra me calma el alma las 7 leyes espirituales.

    Nayeli Cruz Cruz // 2013-02-23 01:04:04 // //
  • hello Deepa sir. in second paragraph, had you used the word as emphasis instead of knowingness...then it would have been more effective. feeling nice to share my thought with you. thank u.

    Pranav Vaidya // 2013-02-23 00:40:05 // //
  • I learned something new today!

    Mary Milicevic // 2013-02-23 00:36:21 // //
  • Sounds easy but it's so hard to do when you need to heal hurt:( thank Deepak I love u

    Judith Martinez Ramos // 2013-02-23 00:33:55 // //
  • Just lovely.

    Beverly Price // 2013-02-23 00:30:34 // //
  • Simple and Wise.

    Vibha Loya // 2013-02-23 00:29:08 // //
  • Thank you for sharing, just what I wanted to hear. Thank you!

    Cindy Nguyen // 2013-02-23 00:22:58 // //
  • Incredible wisdom ...

    Gek Jeavons // 2013-02-23 00:22:37 // //
  • Thank you Deepak for sharing this wisdom!

    Yvette Phillips // 2013-02-23 00:21:04 // //
  • You is so awsome Pak..luv ya!

    Sheki Williams // 2013-02-23 00:18:15 // //
  • What an incredible time I live in, I'm lucky to be a part of hearing Deepak speak to me EVERY DAY. Who else spends their time and love answering people's questions, listening to their thoughts and sharing unlimited wisdom. My life time gave me such a gift, I wonder who our children's, children will be asking these questions to. I wonder if our children WON'T have to ask because Deepak created an infinite movement on mindfulness. Love, Haley

    Haley LoCascio // 2013-02-23 00:09:11 // //
  • well said

    Nohal Bilani // 2013-02-23 00:07:45 // //
  • Deepak thank you thank you for this post I am constantly confronted with these issues that was so helpful <3

    Veronique Menand // 2013-02-23 00:07:27 // //
  • What an inspiring piece of advice esp wrt conflIct resolution. And so appropriate in our daily living.

    Petal Sanka // 2013-02-23 00:01:14 // //
  • Cheers Form Chile

    Ricardo Garcia Huidobro // 2013-02-22 23:59:42 // //
  • if someone or something does not honor who one is there is alway's the choice to detatch with love.

    Lucille Benda // 2013-02-22 23:53:50 // //
  • Shalom Deepak.

    Anita C. Onofre // 2013-02-22 23:52:40 // //
  • It always seems the ones whom have endured these great traumas are the ones who make the triumphant strides! For the ones who have not suffered are not privy to that within in which a humble nature can provide...eventually, the survivor comes to a point, where that battle just doesn't matter, very much as you say above Deepak, in "honouring anothers' path" is the action the sufferer takes, removing that person from their own path, yet, as I see, not the path of the one who crosses boundaries is changed (in themselves), just ignored (by the sufferer)..which I feel, is when the opposition ceases, (when they don't cause a spark) & then the opponent becomes less & less visible to the suffered one that is healing. The journey has gone from ignition to smouldering & then that boundary is crossed in search of new serene life, aka wisdom. (Wisdom being a place, I think, where war doesn't exist) Some people stay 'soldiers of life', all their life, & some become Veterans. <3 Thank goodness there's the option & may those whom are tired, reach it. xxO Always a pleasure to connect with you & much love your way Deepak. Thank you.

    Mona-lee Petersen // 2013-02-22 23:49:19 // //
  • Love this!

    Melinda Workman // 2013-02-22 23:46:44 // //
  • To what extent do we accept....what if the very things that we honor as another persons path and so on effects us negatively within a relationship?

    Ascension Journey // 2013-02-22 23:46:21 // //
  • This is true:)

    Kaleem Sharma Qadri // 2013-02-22 23:46:06 // //
  • Perfect timing :)

    Lisa Bierly // 2013-02-22 23:45:12 // //
  • It's also a question of respect, we must respect that others can have different opinions. If you are vegetarian and they want to eat meat, respect their choice. You may inform, but not harass.

    Kristine Skancke // 2013-02-22 23:44:01 // //
  • That was something special. Thank you.

    Carol Corcoran Hansen // 2013-02-22 23:40:44 // //
  • Thank you so much for sharing. Namaste Deepak <3

    Connie Johnson // 2013-02-22 23:36:40 // //
  • Muy Necesaria la traducción ..Por Fav. Gracias !!!

    Lupita Gómez // 2013-02-22 23:36:17 // //
  • Thank you So much.

    Kerrie Cook // 2013-02-22 23:36:00 // //
  • Very inspirational thank you!

    Debi Laura Jones // 2013-02-22 23:35:33 // //
  • I love you Deepak ! Indeed well said ! <3

    Pia Nussbaum // 2013-02-22 23:33:43 // //
  • I so agee, I need to be accepted as I am with my own belief and so do others, I really like to learn from others and how and why they do as they do, and other foods, can really open me.

    Lyn Nielson // 2013-02-22 23:31:14 // //
  • Hey Deepak? Why are you always standing alone in your photos? Where's the Missus and fam while you're so often galavanting about? Photo ops or what?

    Harrison Hicks // 2013-02-22 23:30:40 // //
  • We women @ Woman's World in Cottonwood, AZ discussed this very thing! Beautiful!

    Charlene Sellers-Boland // 2013-02-22 23:30:32 // //
  • Well said <3

    Janette Merrett // 2013-02-22 23:28:51 // //
  • True.

    Tara O'Leary // 2013-02-22 23:23:52 // //
  • Thanks, I will work to obtain a very peaceful Life

    Manuel Gutierrez Navarrete // 2013-02-22 23:22:52 // //
  • I heart you Deepak!

    Nichole Burrell-Crosby // 2013-02-22 23:19:47 // //
  • UNLESS, somebody is stonewalling you.

    Janine Wojciechowski Kaczynski // 2013-02-22 23:16:51 // //
  • You are so amazing in the way that you think. A true inspiration. What inspires you?

    Connie Real // 2013-02-22 23:15:04 // //
  • Simply, thanks

    Brian Pinkney // 2013-02-22 23:13:16 // //
  • So on point Mr Deepak

    Sonto Soso Mahlangu // 2013-02-22 23:13:02 // //
  • I needed this...thank you!

    Lisa E. Dunn // 2013-02-22 23:12:32 // //
  • What if their opinion will kill you? Then it is like mass ignorance wishing your death.

    Jennifer Renae Merrifield // 2013-02-22 23:12:12 // //
  • Thanks, that's nice to have the expert in the fiekd who has studied these issues share his thoughts!! I've been in a turmoil with someone that I would like to understand better. It is difficult because we do come from such a very very different value and boundary awareness. She is doing better and she is growing which is wonderful to see. She deserve happiness and resolve in her life!! Thanks again Deepak!!! Always some wonderful wisdom from you!!! <3

    Ruth Ann Keys // 2013-02-22 23:09:42 // //
  • This is tru, and healing from past abuse does alow you to veiw things without taking them so personal.

    J-lynn Wood Wilkinson // 2013-02-22 23:09:30 // //
  • Thank you - well spoke

    Andrea Warren Kenslow // 2013-02-22 23:08:48 // //
  • nicely summed up

    Hema Ravikumar // 2013-02-22 23:08:07 // //
  • Nuff said...Namaste<3

    Stephanie L Fox // 2013-02-22 23:07:32 // //
  • Everything is beautiful in its own way.

    Robin Alice Rowe // 2013-02-22 23:06:55 // //
  • necesitaría traducción, pero el leido un libro suyo, que me abrió la cabeza, luego me compré otro y otro ya soy fan, gracias, por sus enseñanzas...

    Norma Beatriz Izzo // 2013-02-22 23:06:18 // //
  • I'll try Deepak......

    Cindy Haviland // 2013-02-22 23:04:58 // //
  • Yes thank you .................much love & peace

    Violetta Best // 2013-02-22 23:04:35 // //
  • Thank you, Deepak, for your endless, selfless work toward the betterment of others.

    Kristina Thorson // 2013-02-22 23:04:27 // //
  • @rascal you shouldn`t refer to yourself as dumb.

    haiku // 2013-02-22 18:30:19 // //
  • Am i so dumb to understand this ?

    rascal // 2013-02-22 13:12:25 // //