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We can either allow our past to keep interfering with our optimal expression of love and happiness, or we can move beyond our past with renewed passion for life.


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February 06 2013

The Conscious Lifestyle: A Leader Must Look and Listen and Know How to Resolve Conflicts (Part 2)

Category:  Consciousness

Originally published by Linkedin.

Read Part1 of The Conscious Lifestyle!

If you examine the rise of a typical leader, the ability to look and listen decreases as power increases. That's a trend you need to be aware of. At the outset, a future leader often rises out of a group to present a grievance or to offer a new idea or way of doing things. Hands-on experience motivates him (or her), and the group supports his efforts because they recognize a need to be fulfilled.
The Conscious Lifestyle: A Leader Must Look and Listen and Know How to Resolve Conflicts (Part 2)

But leaders at the top are often enmeshed in corporate politics and insulated by immediate aides. The notorious White House bubble that isolates presidents also encloses any leader who lives inside a small circle. Here are some pointers about looking and listening all the way up the ladder.

1. Keep your feedback loop large. Leaders and followers co-create each other. There is constant input and output. If you get input only from your closest circle, you won't be in touch with the whole picture.

2. Stay flexible. It's not hard to detect when a leader wants to hear only praise and support for his own ideas. Be flexible enough to allow your core beliefs to be challenged.

3. Welcome criticism and know our opposition. Leaders who rise high often feel insecure about their position. They are prominent targets for jealousy and attack. So start early on to embrace other points of view, accommodating them when you can and at the very least listening to them and taking them seriously.

4. Be good at giving feedback. No matter what face they put on it, people notice praise and blame. No one is indifferent. Make sure your feedback doesn't demean anyone, and if you are in doubt about hurt feelings, see the person privately. "Are we okay?" isn't enough. Look and listen to their personal reactions.

5. Don't claim a monopoly on the truth. Keep in mind that you do not see the whole picture. This will instill a desire to hear as many perspectives as possible.

6. In any meeting, never lose sight of the central question, "What do these people need?" Never leave the room feeling confused about this. Behind every discussion, somebody needs something.

7. Know the difference between what somebody needs and what they want. We all want more of anything that is available. But most of the time, what we need isn't clear. Ego and emotions stand in the way.

This is such an important point that it deserves being expanded. In relation to a leader, a group of people has individual and collective needs. They tend to overlap, and yet a successful leader tends to both. Sometimes you have to reach down to one person to provide a specific need (e.g., President Lyndon Johnson hated baseball, but he went to every game with a prominent Southern senator because the senator, who chaired a key committee, was a devoted baseball fan).

Most of the time, however, what counts the most is being able to analyze a group’s need.

1. All groups respond to hope. They need to be told that tomorrow will be better.

2. All groups need to be inspired about what they are doing. This is different from offer external motivations like money and raises. Feeling worthy is far more important.

3. All groups need to know that their leader is loyal and supportive. If a leader is just passing through on his way up the ladder, the group responds accordingly. The best leaders take their cohorts with them as they rise to the top.

4. Insecure groups need to be reassured that they are safe. Any threat such as layoffs, salary cuts, losing market share, being bought out, etc. must be addressed. The solution that comes out of the discussion should benefit everyone in the group if possible (as when companies hard hit by the recession lay off no one but instead provide part-time work to everyone).

5. Groups that are doing well competitively need greater challenges. Their motivation is to keep proving themselves.

6. Creative groups need new, innovative ideas. Here the leader functions as a sounding board for any and all suggestions. Suppressing the creativity of any member sends a signal that creativity isn't valued for its own sake. Such an attitude quickly kills the spirit of innovation.

7. All groups need morale. You need to be open and honest about any person or behavior - including our own - that is hurting morale.

As you can see, the so-called born leader isn't what a group needs. They need a leader who presides over a healthy, open, expansive feedback loop.

Top comments

  • no, the powes in your church will never listen and learn. they are too busy controlling you. just leave. change yoursrlf. practice meditation. i bought my ticket to freedom and i got out. now, i live in freedom instead of bondage to someone elses ideals.

    jessi // 2013-02-06 22:08:21 // //
  • I do find this perfect timing. Thanks1 Let`s hope "the powers that be" in our church listen & learn !!

    Kkimelcomoo2@AOL. // 2013-02-06 19:29:37 // //



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  • nice one

    Ravi Chandran // 2013-02-08 09:30:07 // //
  • thanx 4 ur tag n btyful sugest.

    Maulik Pradhan // 2013-02-08 07:11:59 // //
  • very valuable suggestion, i fully agree

    Rajat Mishra // 2013-02-08 00:47:23 // //
  • Studied this many years ago!

    Ingrid Ann Bimbo // 2013-02-08 00:12:37 // //
  • I like the Ralph Cramden way of dealing with anger. 'pins and neddles, needles and pins, it's a happy man that grins.' What do you think? How often do you hear a Honeymooners reference?

    Michael Mastroianni // 2013-02-07 23:42:39 // //
  • Ya lo creo! Mientras mas poder,menos mirar y menos escuchar.Los humos cubren la materia gris! Truly Dr. Chopra!!

    Salvador Reyes A // 2013-02-07 18:05:05 // //
  • nice to think about it plenty of times!!!!!!

    Raúl Aráoz // 2013-02-07 16:52:32 // //
  • Well thought out!

    Catherine Donahue Gross // 2013-02-07 14:37:26 // //
  • great read, thanks.

    Sam Lancaster // 2013-02-07 11:41:38 // //
  • agree..

    Yasmin Pyarali // 2013-02-07 11:23:15 // //
  • SI

    Guadalupe ChaconBorja // 2013-02-07 07:18:26 // //
  • Deepak your EGO has consumed you!

    Ed Erasmus // 2013-02-07 06:55:32 // //
  • I like this!

    Alixia Lane // 2013-02-07 05:58:22 // //
  • Depends on the ultimate goal. But in general, sadly enough, this is true... :(

    Andre Servaas // 2013-02-07 04:51:51 // //
  • It depends on the cas deepak. if someone takes my pie, they are clearly wrong, and i will make them loose face, by laying siege to their city..

    Drago Barbulov // 2013-02-07 04:30:02 // //
  • this is noble chart. Very good

    Thakur Shubra Sinha // 2013-02-07 04:16:16 // //
  • An example of a "leader" where power has gone to his head I have linked below. It is such a good synthesis of ideas you have exponded Deepak. I read this and it seemed to exemplify the sort of megalomania that can arise...

    Lance O'Brien // 2013-02-07 04:10:15 // //
  • Thank you & Blessed Be

    Caroline Alphonso // 2013-02-07 04:08:55 // //
  • ... because doing it so, one can expect only temporary conflict resolution instead of getting rid of a bigger problem, which could be the ever returning conflict with the idiotic part!!! With all my love and do respect to Mr. Chopra.

    Vseki Vsqkoga // 2013-02-07 03:52:47 // //
  • "never prove them wrong or make them lose face" ?! Well, sometimes you even can't do it even if you want to. This "Conflict Resolution" suggests a solution based on the notion that either side is not an idiot. However, if the opposing side is idiotic, there is no need to prove it, I agree - it's evident. BUT to "never prove them wrong or make them lose face"sometimes is idiotic by itself, because it means to lye them in the face and gravely distort facts, only in order to preserve their confidence, so if one day they stop being an idiots you could have your conflict "resolved". It's shallow and pretty generalizing

    Vseki Vsqkoga // 2013-02-07 03:49:47 // //
  • Omar Limon

    Audrey Rae // 2013-02-07 02:32:11 // //
  • Why does the "ideology & religion should have no part of the discussion" not lay in loop with the others? I don't even see it as a part of the loop but as an absolute, therefor being in the center.

    David Burgess // 2013-02-07 01:55:15 // //
  • what if the conflict itself Is religion and ideology, and the injustice is truly one sided?? how does one divide those things under the shared domain of truly irreconcilable differences? and where Does one get one of those fabulous cigarette revolvers Vida Exitosa. ???

    Trs Edwards // 2013-02-06 23:03:28 // //
  • thnxx fo tg......gdmng

    Ynglechong Hm // 2013-02-06 23:00:56 // //
  • worth saving on the hard drive for sure

    Michal Zabielski // 2013-02-06 23:00:11 // //
  • I know people like this!

    Renee Bitton // 2013-02-06 22:39:58 // //
  • very true. Thats why you need to share or distribute your power and know your weakness.

    Ningning Guinto // 2013-02-06 22:26:06 // //
  • no, the powes in your church will never listen and learn. they are too busy controlling you. just leave. change yoursrlf. practice meditation. i bought my ticket to freedom and i got out. now, i live in freedom instead of bondage to someone elses ideals.

    jessi // 2013-02-06 22:08:21 // //
  • in christian churches are all about filling you up with musts and shoulds, they control you and dont let you think on your own. dump them and learn to meditate on your own. you will be glad you did. it was my ticket to freedom and i took it. thats my advice.

    jessi // 2013-02-06 22:03:22 // //
  • Hi

    Jimmy // 2013-02-06 21:44:08 // //
  • I would like to have personal contact with you guru.I am your fan.

    Sandhya Devi Jhowry // 2013-02-06 21:34:19 // //
  • This makes such sense, best conflict resolution strategy yet.

    Teachtag // 2013-02-06 21:34:19 // //

    Vida Exitosa // 2013-02-06 21:28:32 // //
  • Dear Deepak, what a great piece you wrote. thank you very much. I would only like to add one thing and that is that not only creative groups need new innovative ideas. Any group needs new ideas to develop, to grow or devide in new groups. Kind regards, hope to meet you, Mark Biemans The last two are being put together to spread the message of Equalness & Uniqueness around the world.

    Mark Biemans // 2013-02-06 21:23:34 // //
  • Great to read!!!

    Deann Leeman // 2013-02-06 21:11:17 // //
  • i should stick this nxt to my bed so i can see this when i get up inspiring !!

    Jatti Mast Malangi // 2013-02-06 20:48:55 // //
  • Gracias Deepak!

    Juan Carlos Munevar-Niño // 2013-02-06 20:43:22 // //
  • Outstanding article...thank you! Being mindful of these principles is what separates the real Leaders from the others who happen to be in leadership positions.

    Keith Tasker's // 2013-02-06 20:40:29 // //
  • Love this!

    Maria Isabel Soto // 2013-02-06 20:23:22 // //
  • That was inspiring!

    Walid Adam // 2013-02-06 20:22:25 // //
  • Steven Covey in his book 7 Habits of Successful People writes that there should be a win-win situation. Americans in business are good in this, but as I observe some Poles in the workplace, they thrive on conflict, like to be right - prove the other wrong so they look better in front of boss, ego-driven, soulless, disrespectful, lack emotional's sickening and I feel sick and tired in their company. They do not listen or want to listen because they want to prove you wrong no matter what so they seem smarter, but in reality, they are making themselves appear foolish, closed-minded, egotistical, and very argumentative. I've seen this in some people - maybe others are more open-minded and empathic/smarter in a sense.

    Dana Cio // 2013-02-06 20:16:13 // //
  • Shared, for sure!!

    Frederick Zink // 2013-02-06 20:01:49 // //
  • I have been saying it for years, dissention, debate, resolution!!!

    Tiffany Smiley // 2013-02-06 19:54:47 // //
  • Brilliant!!

    Alejandra Plaza // 2013-02-06 19:52:28 // //
  • Agree! very well said.

    Ramona Gheorghe // 2013-02-06 19:47:18 // //
  • Obama! Ellie Michael Combat

    Sheila Williamson // 2013-02-06 19:46:18 // //
  • Sure sounds familiar at my last work place! Incredible!!

    Ann Pissard // 2013-02-06 19:44:27 // //
  • Funny last week I did conflict resolution training for work I work in mental health but it was aimed at everyday life and working with other colleagues mainly.

    Angela Whyte // 2013-02-06 19:38:49 // //
  • I do find this perfect timing. Thanks1 Let`s hope "the powers that be" in our church listen & learn !!

    Kkimelcomoo2@AOL. // 2013-02-06 19:29:37 // //
  • Julia Menard - thought this might resonate with you . . . .

    Nicole Moen // 2013-02-06 19:28:18 // //
  • So true of some of the "leaders." I know!!!!!!

    Ouveta Sahoy // 2013-02-06 19:26:23 // //
  • it won't work until all these aspects are met - how can it?

    Angie Lindenau // 2013-02-06 19:19:42 // //
  • it won't 'work' until all these aspects are 'met'. how can it?

    Angie Lindenau // 2013-02-06 19:19:21 // //
  • Can't find a way to print it out.................. good advise with no motive to hold for the future.. can't even print the dang thing out.

    Kat Delph // 2013-02-06 19:17:54 // //
  • This is EXACTLY what I needed today- thank you!

    Misty Polihronakis // 2013-02-06 19:17:52 // //
  • Fascinating! I too will definitely keep this in my conscious mind! Thanks as always!

    Renee Condon Poitras // 2013-02-06 19:16:12 // //
  • mmmm lo nesetitava hace unos dias

    Brayan Espinosa // 2013-02-06 19:12:27 // //
  • nice

    Marta Edelweis // 2013-02-06 19:11:15 // //
  • true true ... thank you Deepak Chopra perfect timing as I just got off the phone with my lawyer. <3

    Joelle Norwood // 2013-02-06 19:10:40 // //
  • I need to print and remind myself of this... thank you :-)

    Belinda Escalante // 2013-02-06 19:10:26 // //
  • True True

    Agnes Woolford // 2013-02-06 19:06:44 // //
  • love it

    Nathalie Goguen // 2013-02-06 19:06:26 // //
  • This is really something.

    Rosalind Vaughn // 2013-02-06 19:03:29 // //
  • True !

    Jose G. Gonzalez // 2013-02-06 19:02:24 // //