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January 09 2013

Forgiving Infidelity

Category:  Ask Deepak

Question:

Dear Deepak, I don't know who else to go to. The man that I love slept with someone else. I forgave him and we are back together. But it hurts. I have dreams and pain and things I do not want to feel. I have extreme anger with the woman. I think violent things about her and have violent dreams of things I am doing to her. I am not a violent or angry person. How can I ease this suffering and not let this anger consume me?


Response:

The pain you are going through will ease up in time. Right now the hurt is still too raw. Even though you have forgiven him, there remain deeper layers inside you that require further healing and that can’t be rushed. Eventually you will get to the place where you can find a secure and strong place inside where you can let go of all sense of revenge and blame. In the meantime, be patient and easy with yourself. Don’t judge yourself for your angry thoughts, just know that these feelings are passing through and out of you as you are healing. This means you do not need to take those thoughts seriously or think of acting on them.

Love,
Deepak

Top comments

  • Ugh. Commonsense101, your comment is horrible. It is not helpful and it`s cruel. You should think before you post.

    Monday // 2013-01-09 21:14:34 // //
  • Why is she blaming the other woman? He is not to take responsibility because he is a man? Have some fucking self respect, you bitch! Yup, it will hurt, and it probably won`t heal because you can`t deal with what`s real. Wake up and smell the coffee! You say you forgave him but yet you`re still angry? You didn`t forgive him, you just avoid breaking off the relationship because you`re probably scared and insecure and don`t think that anyone else will ever want you again. Your relationship will probably not change, things will probably get worse until eventually one day he will leave you for someone else. You can`t avoid your problems forever! Someday you will have to deal with them, like it or not. Better to take this opportunity to do it now.

    CommonSense101 // 2013-01-09 21:06:54 // //

 

 

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  • Common sense.you are clearly an insecure and wounded person, when you find yourself attacking someone in a very vulnerable place, like a betrayed spouse, you must ask yourself why you have gone for such an easy win. You must feel ashamed of yourself?

    Truth // 2014-01-30 17:43:55 // //
  • I`m trying to find organizations that may give funds to nonprofits dedicated to women`s healing and self-empowerment around infidelity. Our all-volunteer organization provides free, confidential, one-to-one peer counseling to women healing from their husband`s or partner`s affair, and all counseling is provided by other women who have themselves survived this emotional trauma. Based in California, we serve women who call us from across the United States, and we believe we are the only organization of its kind. So, I am leaving no stone unturned and asking anyone who has anything to do with the well-being of women! Any ideas of where we might turn for funding? Thanks very much, Laura Steuer Founder & Executive Director Infidelity Counseling Network A 501(c)3 organization, federal tax exempt #602135040 www.infidelitycounselingnetwork.org counseling line (650) 521-5897 ext 101 P.O. Box 2 Menlo Park, CA 94026

    laura // 2013-10-14 03:27:28 // //
  • my name is Julie life indeed is a misery i never thought i will be happy again after the love of my life dumped me for a fellow lady in a restaurant it was indeed a disgrace shock to me after been in a relationship for five years i became so miserable and downcast so i confided in a friend who told me to do something but what could i have done so he got me introduced to dreromuselaspelltemple@gmail.com that it was the same man that helped him when his mother in law almost threw her out of her matrimonial home so i contacted him but when he ask me to pay for the sacrificial items i became skeptical because he was from Africa so i told my friend then she told me that was the same way he felt when she met him online so i sent the money lo after the 3rd day of the spell my phone rang and my love eyes was opened to see how much i love him and he came back to me crying and asking for forgiveness i just ordered a promotion spell again from dreromuselaspelltemple@gmail.com and i know is still going to be perfect cause now i believe his saying that he never fails i believe in you dr Eromusela

    JULIE // 2013-07-07 05:42:05 // //
  • First of all, you state the man you "love",slept with someone else. What I don`t see in your story is that you don`t refer to him as your boyfriend. How often do you see him? Have you met his family(parents, children)? How many times in a week does he take you out on a date? Have you met all his friends? Does he buy you gifts? Do you go on vacation with him? Why are you so angry with this woman who doesn`t even know about you? It seems like they are in a relationship to me and your not liking it.

    lynch // 2013-06-03 16:07:18 // //
  • I do believe commonsense101 has his or her OWN things that he or she is repressing......but regardless, get your ego under wraps dude- your comment isn`t even pretending to be helpful. I agree on some points, that certain patterns may repeat themselves...and maybe despite thinking that she has forgiven him, maybe she cannot. But she will not know unless she tries. And only she can decide if it is worth the try. At the very least the process will be a lesson in healing and persevering, even if she ends up hurt again. Also, Dr. Chopra had great and sensitive advice. I do however want to emphasize some things I`ve learned from Deepak myself: You want to know how to ease your suffering....the way to do that is to let go of your pain. This is very easy to say and for most hard to figure out- but you will find a way. I too was cheated on- I wasn`t able to let go of my pain until after the relationship was over. I think some part of me thought if I held onto the pain I`d feel better because that would somehow require more healing. Not sure if that makes sense- but maybe I thought if I let go of my pain too quickly I wouldn`t be able to relish in the sympathy. I don`t feel badly about this- I was only looking for sympathy for him- to hear him apologize time and time again. But then somewhere along the line I learned...healing comes from within. So whatever you do, do not expect him to make things better- only you can let go of the pain. And only you can let go of your fear of it happening again (he will never be able to prove that to you) Also let go of any judgements as Deepak said...this will help you deal in reality rather than unreality- which shall also ease your suffering. An easy-ish way to prevent judgment is to take a good look at your thoughts and see if they have emotions attached to them. Believe it or not I`d venture to say it wouldn`t even be helpful to think "what he did was bad" or "what he did was wrong." A more accurate way to relay this may be "what he did hurt me." If you want to move forward (with or without him) ...true forgiveness needs to be your goal. Forgive him, and forgive yourself for anything you think you may have done to "deserve" this. Hope this was helpful. Love, me.

    betrue // 2013-03-12 20:23:23 // //
  • Dear, not only infidelity that takes part in our life, one likes and dislikes others is within their mind. this world is full of money minded, those who have will sacrifice the values and do what ever they think. being a goodman is not enough and it has no value in our way of life. those indulge in bad activities win the situation and the good man watches only keeping silent on his part.

    nnulaganathan // 2013-01-19 16:52:22 // //
  • Listen to your heart, it will guide you. I have gone through something similar just 3 months ago and unfortunately we ended up splitting. I caught my live-in BF with another women in our bed, he moved out and is with her now. My first instinct was to forgive him, but her as another woman who pushed herself into our lives, pursued another man and had an audacity to trespass in my house with all the pictures hanging - well I am trying to let it go. Be kind to yourself, time will buffer things a little bit and work on yourself. It might make you stronger as a couple or it might end one day, but you will come out a richer and deeper person for the experience even though it may not seem that way today. Just do what feels right in your hear. I continue to send love to my ex, for he clearly can`t elevate himself to be with a good woman and went with a 10 year older sly female. Karma will take care of it in time.

    gabi_gabika // 2013-01-15 15:45:25 // //
  • Listen, I don`t know ur life and how all of this went down but the fact that u have so much anger for the other women but took ur guy back and forgave so fast makes me think ur maybe projecting all the blame and anger towards this other women when it really should be directed at ur guy. I don`t think u will ever feel better until u accepted, really accepted that it was him who hurt u ,, not necessarly the other women. It takes two to cheat and I doubt he was forced into it. I think once u come to the realization that it was him that really hurt u and that u have not really forgiven him but have misdirected ur anger towards someone else u won`t ever truly start to heal. Just my 2 cents. I wish u all the best and hope and pray u find happiness :)

    trying to be helpful // 2013-01-15 13:20:07 // //
  • Dealing with infidelity is a painful process. As hard as it may be to accept, sometimes learning what was not working in your marriage before the infidelity, can help the acceptance process to begin. Having compassion for the other party also helps, as they may be suffering somehow as well. Honesty is the most difficult thing to come to terms with in matters like yours, but it can also be an opportunity for a new beginning. Explore who your spouse is today and where the two of you would like to take your current relationship. The past relationship is now gone (good and bad). Trying to rebuild a new relationship takes patients and lots of effort, but can also be very rewarding. Trust in yourself and you will learn what is best for you.

    Compassion and kindness // 2013-01-15 12:30:23 // //
  • Like Deepak said your pain and angry feelings could be healed by time. But what really matters is if you can trust him again. You can blaim yourself for doing or not doing what needed to avoid situation so you have to forgive him and yourself to move on...best wishes, Juan

    Latambuddist // 2013-01-15 12:19:58 // //
  • i`m no expert but i`d say she should take some time off from the relationship, till she is at a place where she has found her inner healing because for now, that anger may make her bitter... every small mistake he makes will will seem magnified in her eyes and every sacrifice or compromise she makes for him, as is done in daily lives of couples she`ll do with anger or sometimes she`ll lash out unintentionally and cause irrepairable damage.

    sweetbihogo // 2013-01-15 07:47:28 // //
  • You might read about Buddha and detachment and clinging - and learn to Let Go - that is what helped me get through the same thing. Also Deepak`s book The Ultimate Happiness Prescription really really helped me. In fact, I was just thinking the other day how at one time in my life,those thoughts consumed my marriage and my life - but I can`t even conjure up a single thought about it today. It is all about healing and learning. This is a HUGE opportunity for you - it was for me. I would not be so happy today, if I had not learned how to become responsible for my happiness, to truly forgive, to truly love, to learn about my true self. When the raw pain dies down, invest in working on your self - and you will see how this one event might change your life. It did for me. It`s not that I`m thankful it happened, but I`m a better person because it was the catalyst I needed to change - to become happy. I used to look at my husband with contempt, after it happened (and who knows, maybe before,too) but now - NEVER! I love him more today than ever and when I look at him - I only see and feel that love. It can happen for you, too.

    Laura // 2013-01-13 12:19:43 // //
  • I guess commonsense101 just tell the truth as it need to be, directly and honestly without any beautiful adjective... You should not take things personally I mean you must be stronger and love yourself.

    Sascha // 2013-01-13 11:33:55 // //
  • I agree that perhaps she is "in the process of forgiving" rather than "has forgiven" him but it takes great courage to forgive someone who has hurt you so intimately & that should be honored here, not disrespected. People may judge her for going back to a man who was unfaithful to her but it is not a principal it is a unique relationship between two individuals & every case is different. When I feel jealousy bubble up I put myself in someone else`s shoes. I`m faithful to my partner but I know we`re both attracted to other people. Acting on that attraction hurts me because I feel that it puts my health at risk. Other than that it`s a mental & cultural agreement that is defining our monogamy. I can imagine being swept up in passion with someone else but never loving my partner any less. If the other woman has knowingly hurt you just think about her pain that would allow her to act that way. It is painful to stay with someone who hurt you & the courage & strength needed to do so are often overlooked but if your reaction is to stay & heal then I commend you & urge you to include your partner in your healing, tell him about your feelings as they arise & move through it together. He didn`t really hurt you, he hurt both of you as a couple & you are taking that pain into yourself. Work in sharing it & supporting each other. Do whatever you can to get the pain out, talk to a counselor or support group or friend who will not judge you, journal, draw, shout, dance, love yourself! Love & support on your healing journey

    Upliftingup // 2013-01-13 11:05:15 // //
  • Commonsense 101 is just giving a raw realistic response that people often need to receive the "real" message (the name calling though, too much)...However, I`ve been on both sides and either sucks. Because I am such an analytical individual, my healing process had to include all details and everything for me to process, heal, forgive. Significant others often confuse "you forgave me" with forget what I did don`t mention it. PLEASE know that you cannot do any healing, ptocessing, forgiving or moving forward with this man UNTIL you make him own his role-Your giving him what he wants AND the ammo to keep seeing her or someone else, Cause he knows you`ll blame the third and least important party. He`ll probably have a new found respect for you once you show him you`re hip. Cheaters often strive to pit the women against each other so their hatred of esch other makes him a prize to fight over. YOU have the power-use it!

    A.S. always // 2013-01-13 06:43:48 // //
  • The pain of betrayal is never easy but on a deeper level it has purpose. Even though the conscious mind allocates blame for the pain to your partner, which on the surface seems justified, the truth is that, on a soul level, most of the pain is caused by what you have made the experience mean about yourself. The betrayal in some ways confirms our worst fear...that we are not enough. Of course there will always be a certain amount of pain associated with betrayal but the depth of the wound and the scar it leaves has more to do with you and how you define self in the moment. We have a part to play in every experience we have so it is important to see how you have contributed to the role play between you and your partner; has the connection between you and your partner stagnated? are you being authentic in your interactions or have you completely lost yourself to the relationship and are now simply playing the role of mother or wife that you perceive to be necessary to protect the relationships and your family? If you are actually able to see the belief or program that is really causing the pain ( I am not enough…) you will become aware how this belief undermines many aspects of your life and that awareness will automatically start to dissolve the influence it has in your life and the necessity to repeat similar experiences. On this level the pain is a gift, an opportunity to see underlying beliefs and programs that are not conducive to you connecting to your true self and Source. Free your mind of these controlling programs and you will free yourself from the need to learn through pain. If we understand this process we empower ourselves and shift from victim to creator from Fear to Unconditional love.

    Vincent Cubitt // 2013-01-13 02:13:18 // //
  • To Common Sense 101: as some else said, your comment is cruel. You lost all credibility when you referred to her as a bitch. Don`t expect anyone to take you seriously. And to the woman asking the question: blaming the woman shifts responsibility from him. The man you love was a willing participant. The anger and sense of revenge you feel is really for him, but as Mr. Chopra said, it`s all too raw so it`s being shifted to her, someone who`s more distant. it`s easier to hate someone who has no role in your everyday life than it is to hold the correct persona accountable. You chose to forgive, that doesn`t mean you`re bound to a relationship in which you are not respected. forgive him for his mistakes, but move on for yourself. The anger and resentment who feel, no matter if it`s for him or for her, it`s hurting YOU more than anyone. You deserve better than that

    Jas // 2013-01-13 01:32:20 // //
  • I think the.dreams you are having probably have nothing. To do with the girl but more symbolic of the overall anger you have inside. You are trying to block your anger towards him and therefore the anger is instead being reflected against t other woman in your dream. IIIt sounds like you are giving him a chance but yhave,not truly forgiven him yet. I think. That is okay. It Sometimes it takes time t to heal annd truly forgive. That must be a very painful thing to go through and don`t be hard on yourself about your dreams. You are a very strong women to try t work things out. In return you deserve time to go through & work through your feelings. And build the trust again.Wishing you love & happiness & healing.

    thislifeforreal // 2013-01-13 01:30:15 // //
  • What lead him to sleep with another women in the first place` respect and love the most powerful tool

    YogiMorjaria // 2013-01-13 00:56:35 // //
  • Commonsense101 just gave his/her 1 cents! so its not tat bad even it sounds cruel but thats reality, if he do it once there is always second time!!! always. Take this as a honest advice on your face n work things out. only u know how important tat man in ur life. anyways i feel bad for u n shame of my fellow man! get someone to fuk his face! may the force with u.

    RubyNath // 2013-01-13 00:43:34 // //
  • I have to agree partly with commonsense101, how can you forgive your man? The woman probably didnt know about you and got duped by your man. Well if she knew to hell with her she`s none of your concern. Your main concern is your guy, resolve your issues with him, it is less hurtful to blame the woman i agree but he is mostly to blame as he knows consciously that he would hurt you with his actions and yet he still did it anyway. I sympathise with you as we can all find ourselves in that situation, but bear in mind that if he did it once he can do it again. Its normal to have angry thoughts as it`s all part of what makes you human. Just channel that energy into resolving your issues and other good things in your life.

    BD // 2013-01-13 00:20:02 // //
  • i like your picture.

    Jairan Madden // 2013-01-12 21:01:12 // //
  • We don`t know your whole story so going by what you wrote, It sounds like maybe you "forgave" Him before you were actually ready to. You can take him back, work on the relationship and the issues that lead to the cheating, then forgive if and when you feel he Truly understands the deep hurt that it has caused you. Believe it or not, most find it easier to forgive the "other woman" before they can forgive the man. Especially if the woman is unknown to you, she doesn`t have a personal connection to you, she didn`t crumble the foundation of your relationship by destroying your trust and she isn`t The Reason why he cheated. The Reasons are between you & him and will take time to sort thru and deal with if you both are 100% committed to repair the relationship and the best way is thru couples counciling. I wish you the Best & Good Luck

    Garfila // 2013-01-12 13:15:13 // //
  • I had to stop reading after, I forgave him and we are back together but I have extreme anger towards the other woman. Smdh Youcan forgive the one who actually betrayed you and broke your trust but have feelings of doing harm to her? So typical!!

    Really // 2013-01-12 08:25:24 // //
  • There are many reasons one chooses to stay with a partner who has had an affair and your reasons are your own. For someone that has been in those shoes, I will tell you that it is difficult to get through, many times taking years. It`s a process that your mind will need to sort through. Deepak is correct in that the pain will start to heal with time. I swear it will. One of the most important things I ever did was keep the lines of communication open about how I was feeling. I also had great friends and family to talk to. You need a support system until you get through it. You don`t just wake up and the feelings you have are gone, it`s subtle. One day you look back and realize you are starting to "feel better". Read stories of strong women and making it through difficulties. Find something that will help release the anger. And forget about this other woman, she was not the issue, your partner was. He broke the trust in your relationship.

    trustinurfaith // 2013-01-12 06:27:06 // //
  • ... Times of grief and pain, psycho babble Pollyanna BS means nothing. Huh?

    Half Moon // 2013-01-11 22:43:22 // //
  • It's not easy if you loved him

    Afia Khan // 2013-01-11 20:48:42 // //
  • Meanwhile in reality...

    Angel Louden Brown // 2013-01-11 20:35:04 // //
  • I agree with Common Sense although I would have phrased it differently. She doesn`t deserve the anger, nor does the other woman, the betraying asshat she "forgave" does.

    colleen // 2013-01-11 19:40:28 // //
  • People ever here the sayin once a cheater always a cheater???

    Katie Mary // 2013-01-11 19:23:05 // //
  • Actually, CommonSense101, many people do move on and their relationships are incredibly stronger after an affair. To attack such an individual who is obviously in great distress and in the raw aftermath of such pain speaks volumes on your own insecurities and ignorance on the matter. Deepak`s response is correct, it will take time, and what wasn`t mentioned is a lot of talk between the couple and potentially therapy, whether that`s singularly, together or in a group. Too often society dictates the immediate response on such an issue is to move on, and worse, seek an eye for an eye. Which only causes further distress and the inability to heal, regardless of the choice that is made. Eventually, what will transpire is that both individuals will heal and yes, the OP may move on to another relationship or again, as previously stated, work through this as many, many, many, MANY couples have done, are doing, and will do. Of anything, I`d be extremely cautious about dictating to others what they should do in a situation that either you have never experienced or dealt with in an extremely negative, unhealing manner. Eventually, it will come back to haunt you. Good luck to the OP.

    Data1717 // 2013-01-11 18:25:39 // //
  • Very good, Luisa........it all takes time.

    Pauline Coll // 2013-01-11 18:09:06 // //
  • I think in the particular case we have to look at one important factor. WHY did this person cheat? Infidelity occurs when one person in the relationship is not having certain,physical and or emotional needs satisfied. Therefore you have to talk to ur partner and find out what is going wrong, and can it be fixed! However it sounds like the woman is NOT 100% satisfied that her partner is going to never cheat again! Once the TRUST is gone there is no foundation from which u can build on. Break away love you`re self more and be "The Best You can BE"!

    Novastarxman // 2013-01-11 15:32:27 // //
  • Or maybe you could separate sex from love and realize that (hopefully) your relationship is built on hundreds of important points of mutual understand, respect, compatibility with sex being only one of them. So he had sex with someone else? Why is that a big deal. It`s a half hour of fun. Whooptee doo. You should have sex with who you are attracted to and be in a loving nurturing relationship with who you are in love with. Sometimes that`s the same person, sometimes not.

    another view // 2013-01-11 15:17:19 // //
  • CommonSense101 i agree with you in every word you say, she have no self respect.

    Bzzzzzzzz // 2013-01-11 15:07:22 // //
  • Stupid forgive but kick him to the curb once a cheater always a cheater wake up don't blame the other woman if he loved u he would of never cheated. Yes there is woman out there that love too get there nails in your man but be angry at him for doing it to u men won't cheat if they love u give it up and get rid of him

    Kathleen Ruth Thomas // 2013-01-11 12:32:17 // //
  • If I may: Just one short session (20-30 minutes) with PEAT processor (there are many all around the world) and there is no more anger in you; at the end of process you will say loudly “I love her” and you’ll stay in a permanent state of love toward that woman. Even via Skype or FB you can do it.

    Alija Sirbegovic // 2013-01-11 07:39:55 // //
  • Zanax!! And vodka...worked for me:)

    Van Greene // 2013-01-11 07:14:39 // //
  • fouces on the relationship as it is now. forget the past I know its hard. move forward and make sure he's over it too

    Karen Bednarz // 2013-01-11 06:32:18 // //
  • If he as been with another woman , then he is not in love , he is looking for something else, pehaps he does it to increase his self steame , or just to feed his ego. Its not just to forgive...you should analize the why that has happened , whats wrong with him and with you in your relationship that belongs to both... If you do not treat or heal the cause it will come back probably... Dont let your ego permit control your reaction but your heart...!

    notcommonsense // 2013-01-11 05:23:54 // //
  • i stopped looking @ relationships like that a while back you really have to have something YOU can control in your life to get the MOST joy from...if not you will always be in a vulnerable position.

    Rick Ronson // 2013-01-11 03:22:26 // //
  • Try women too. It's fun! Give your boyfriend same medicine he gave you and rub it in his face:)

    Marius Benekeraitis // 2013-01-11 01:38:17 // //
  • hello? what the h....

    Carolyn Corritore // 2013-01-11 00:08:10 // //
  • ah enlighten the world deepak.

    Laura Janis // 2013-01-10 23:09:49 // //
  • You are the Indian Jedi Master

    Jahn Warner Laster VirtualMedia // 2013-01-10 22:28:11 // //
  • Thank you.

    Robyn Jade // 2013-01-10 22:07:38 // //
  • Raw hurt is hard .. but we are strong .. We overcome the obstacles in life to be who we are today ..

    Myrna Cats // 2013-01-10 20:07:19 // //
  • Forgive to forget. No one deserve to live with that kind of anger. Most men are dog.

    Anne Yoldie Dorvil Jules // 2013-01-10 19:43:29 // //
  • How many more times are you going to allow this man to hurt you with more infidelity before you realize you are worth so much more?

    Melissiah Dreamquest // 2013-01-10 19:33:38 // //
  • It takes two to tango ... To be angry with her if she mislead your husband yes, but did she ?

    Veronique Menand // 2013-01-10 18:19:37 // //
  • pretty sound advice

    Mark Troy // 2013-01-10 17:53:51 // //
  • ps - not that i feel like hurting anyone - just feel so much pain and disappointment in being betrayed! 15 years!

    Helena Ruotsalainen // 2013-01-10 17:43:57 // //
  • thank you - i needed to read this !!!! i am so deeply betrayed and fragile!

    Helena Ruotsalainen // 2013-01-10 17:43:03 // //
  • me retequegusta !!!!!

    Sonnia Judith Bueno Caceres // 2013-01-10 17:10:56 // //
  • You need to forgive him, her, and yourself to find real peace.

    Cheryl Ulrich // 2013-01-10 16:29:56 // //
  • I am totally amazed that u think that's its just the woman's fault it takes two too,tango, if you have forgiven him then live with it or see a councilor

    Trudy Farrell // 2013-01-10 16:00:44 // //
  • mmmmmm

    Wilma Sabajo // 2013-01-10 15:51:26 // //
  • violence is bad karma

    Steve Wein // 2013-01-10 15:15:59 // //
  • Talvez si leemos muchos libros que hablan sobre el comportamiento humano....podamos entender la fallas de nuestras parejas aunque eso no implica no revelarse y liberarse de cargas emocionales..

    Laura Padilla // 2013-01-10 15:14:56 // //
  • How violent also?! If you want to kill her then that's really crazy. If you just want to knock the bitch out then you're better off not doing that. :)

    Steve Wein // 2013-01-10 15:05:08 // //
  • The incidence of violence would go up maybe 10 billion percent overnight to some astronomical level if everyone acted on what they thought.

    Steve Wein // 2013-01-10 15:04:25 // //
  • Fidelity is a big problem in relationships where people expect each other to not "cheat".

    Steve Wein // 2013-01-10 14:57:24 // //
  • Согласна полностью. А еще мне писали... что любимым прощают и боль обидных минут , и горечь долгих разлук...

    Rama Yan // 2013-01-10 14:53:42 // //
  • soy admirador y asiduo lector de sus grandes obras. Felicitaciones maestro.

    Miguel Anguel Arango Delgado // 2013-01-10 14:43:10 // //
  • I`m so sorry for you... I`ve gone through the same betrayal and process... It hurts... but it has an end... I forgave him, but I wasn`t able to go on with him... I think you deserve a better man and a better relationship... Could you trust him? That`s difficult, I think. Anyway, don`t judge yourself not your uncouscious mind... Take care, love yourself! You are a wonderful and beautiful woman! Be patient with yourself! Don`t lie to yourself! Be honest with you! I wish you the best! Good luck

    Loles // 2013-01-10 13:43:32 // //
  • I love your pictures ! Have you heard about ho'oponopono? The situation described above and many others can be helped with this simple method.

    Marta Suyapa Cruz Ollé // 2013-01-10 12:54:33 // //
  • are the super lame photos of yourself necessary after your bullshit advice deepak?

    Jonathan Thunderchunk // 2013-01-10 12:33:16 // //
  • this is like fucking netmums....blame is one persons perception of an experience. Another's would be an opening. To identify yourself with blame is identifying with the ego and separating yourself from your true being. There is only the space for the situation to occur. what you make it mean within that situation has you dwelling in that way of being, if you choose to. I am you are me, we are all the same, we are all born from the same process of embryology. What you choose to identify yourself with is just your choice, like whether to be hurt, angry etc.... consider a truly loving approach and accept the situation exactly as it is.

    Anna Low // 2013-01-10 12:20:42 // //
  • When I was young I thought that my love that betrayed me and went to give another woman his live was a reflection of me,,, I have learned that it had absolutely nothing to do with me, it was a course in another persons or people's lives, it was lessons that in the end caused others pain and suffering, I am a better person for it because I realized that I am good enough, now I only accept the best live and no linger have the ability to be hurt because someone else doesn't see my value, I do believe with my whole heart that my husband didn't cheat on me, out of lack of live for me,,, it was his wretched heart and soul punishing him, pray for your love for his heart to mend, and I promise yours will too : ) shine bright like a diamond!

    Bonnie Lucchese // 2013-01-10 11:54:34 // //
  • A miles de personas les ha sucedido esto, muy bueno su consejo Sr.

    Yolanda Baldelomar // 2013-01-10 11:47:05 // //
  • existe un lenguaje universal deepak?

    Miguel Henry Morales Vega // 2013-01-10 11:46:44 // //
  • I completely agree with u Yolanda Do not blame it only on her he is completely at fault it will take a long time to trust him again and you must be in love w him in order to stay with him. This just happened to me

    Juana Garcia // 2013-01-10 11:39:26 // //
  • No hay traduccion? Me ncanta pero n ntiendo todo.

    La Paka de Espña // 2013-01-10 11:38:46 // //
  • At a Jewish wedding it is a custom to break a glass as a symbol, if the marriage is ever broken....it can never be put back togerther the same ever again....the same with a cheater...one can never trust again the same...I speak from experience.....

    Ruth Angel // 2013-01-10 11:38:03 // //
  • Like!

    Lynn Etheridge // 2013-01-10 11:35:13 // //
  • Yes...sorry but I also disagree...once a cheater....always a cheater...!!!

    Ruth Angel // 2013-01-10 11:32:35 // //
  • So long as you place blame externally, that anger will forever reside inside. The fact is, your relationship is broken and it took the both of you to break it (the cheating was only a manifestation of some dysfunction that was never addressed). You have two choices: let go and move on or stay and be unhappy.

    Tabitha Clancy // 2013-01-10 11:24:55 // //
  • Alternatively dump him and move on to someone who would never treat you so poorly. Yes you have anger towards the other woman but it took two!! Looking at this spiritually is not good for you - Get help from a psychotherapist who will be able to help you gain the strength and self-esteem to walk away from this toxic situation. Once the trust has gone, the relationship will never ever be the same. Xxxx

    Brigitte McCafferty // 2013-01-10 11:13:37 // //
  • Commonsense101 has been or is a (other woman) find some respect yourself and stop allowing men in relationships to use you as a play thing.

    Topaz // 2013-01-10 10:42:25 // //
  • That is such a good point! To heal thru any painful situation doesn't mean you must live thru those harmful thoughts but know it is simply a passing weather of negativity. To allow it to move not only through you..but out of you as well. Wonderful

    Adelinda Navarro // 2013-01-10 10:30:57 // //
  • My life coach always said to me if you ever make a decision weather it's right one or wrong in other people's eye, you make it with confidence . He had alot invested in you with your vows n loyalty and you forgave him she in the other hand had no commitment to you but you still hold anger. Everytime you hve that emotion toward her you are reliving the past. She is not worth your positive energy my dear. Change that anger time to a better use like rebuilding your life with your husband . And do it with confidence otherwise you'll lose your balance and fall even more harder the second time. God bless

    Nazlin Kanji // 2013-01-10 10:21:47 // //
  • Deciding to forgive can be likened to deciding to stop the car your driving. Pushing down on the brake pedal does not stop the car immediately but only begins the process which takes some time. If the stopping were to happen too fast a different problem or injury might occur as a result. Once you decide to allow the heart to heal by forgiving, the corresponding thoughts associated with the anger and disappointment will continue but will lose their potency if understood properly. Deepak`s answer/advice is excellent.

    Ron Greenstein // 2013-01-10 10:21:24 // //
  • So sorry you are hurting so much...this shall pass with time. Try not to obsessing about it. I believe you are misplacing your anger to the other woman, HE is responsible for his actions, if not her it would have been another woman. he needs to be accountable for his actions, you have not forgiving him yet. you are understandably angry and he needs to demonstrate to you that he can be trusted again. Good luck.

    ROSIE // 2013-01-10 10:20:42 // //
  • I don't think all people were meant to have sexual desire for just one person. Those people need to know themselves better and never make the promise to desire only one in the first place. Love yourself and know yourself.

    Bridget Brennan // 2013-01-10 10:01:40 // //
  • The bottom line is no amount of therapy can ever tell you how to get trust back, no one can. Because once it's gone it's gone forever and what's left in its wake is a shell of the former relationship that is hardly worth keeping. So, my advise is to forgive him or her and forget they exist! Its harsh but necessary!

    Shidon Alford // 2013-01-10 09:57:22 // //
  • Beautifully said

    Daneen Minerva Dierkes // 2013-01-10 09:46:05 // //
  • I love your answer.

    Charmaine Sanders // 2013-01-10 09:32:20 // //
  • Anger isn't solely on this woman. Her man betrayed her.she can't obviously forgive..though she says she has. Remember it takes two, he played a big part in it...it will take a very long time for her just to feel comfortable w/o having to think where he is and why he's late..just a thought...great response but easily said than done. When a woman loves a man she delivers herself totally and perhaps thinking that he will do the same..

    Yolanda Mojica // 2013-01-10 09:32:18 // //
  • I f

    Patricia Garcia // 2013-01-10 09:06:46 // //
  • Great answer.

    Jaxon Shoshon // 2013-01-10 08:52:08 // //
  • MIght I suggest forgiving the other woman just as you have your husband. It takes two to tango my dear. I understand your anger and the healing process, but a concerted effort to apply the same forgivness to her as you have unconditionally HIM, might help the process along. Love yourself... Love yourself enough to know that the affair was not about YOU!

    Rebecca Mahoney // 2013-01-10 08:38:45 // //
  • This is so true ive been "hurt" alot but by respecting yourself and feelings by focusing on the fact that you are hurt and comforting that hurt you will heal and find happiness suppression c causes it to only grow in power because t he mind doesn't really understand no as it is no such thing as limits lol

    Yvonne Young // 2013-01-10 08:34:44 // //
  • Bottom line: It hurts! Love yourself more. x

    Dawn Murphy // 2013-01-10 08:19:05 // //
  • Deep, Deep, Deepak! just listening to your series "Higher Self" forthe 4th time. Finding new stuff everytime. Namaste!

    Ora B. Nance-Woodley // 2013-01-10 08:15:02 // //
  • Thank you for this. I am in the throes of a nightmarish breakup right now - he cheated on me with a friend of mine - and I really needed this advice.

    Laura Fraser // 2013-01-10 08:09:46 // //
  • wo so deep, just been thinking about this.. God be with you and thank you for your energy.. power to you guru.

    Anita Wamuyu // 2013-01-10 08:06:07 // //
  • Wow!! I appreciate both of your honesty !!!

    Caroline Loo-Lew // 2013-01-10 07:41:16 // //
  • multumesc!

    Mihaela Elena El Husseiny // 2013-01-10 07:39:58 // //
  • Very well put by Deepak Chopra! Also agree with Ewout's comment. Only time will tell and heals all wounds; it all starts from acceptance then only you can start the forgiveness process. Pray hard for your healing and forgiveness as you have decided to give your man a 2nd chance. Too give him a fair chance, you must do the above to move forward for both of you.

    Jin Chua // 2013-01-10 07:14:22 // //
  • Mais dificil que perdoar é lidarmos conosco proprios, e isso nos mostra como nao nos conhecemos assim tao bem. A emoção que sentimos pelos outros é proporcional a que sentimos por nos mesmos. A resposta é e será sempre Amor Incondicional.

    Paulo Matos // 2013-01-10 07:12:19 // //
  • Anna Low - the woman who was cheated on is not to blame, you can not make a man cheat. He is in control of his body and actions. Even IF she was a difficult wife in one way or another, HE chose to cheat and not find a healthy way to address his feelings IF there was something he didn't care for that she was doing. To blame a woman that is cheated on is ridiculous, the only thing she can control regarding a cheating husband is how to handle it after the fact. I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND IT when people blame the wife. We are all in charge of ourselves, and more than not when a person cheats it is due to an insecurity they have, that they are trying to feel better about. None of us are perfect in our relationships, and that does not give the other person an excuse to be unfaithful.

    Kari Fosnight // 2013-01-10 07:11:35 // //
  • It's a process!

    Val Williams // 2013-01-10 07:09:08 // //
  • Once the trust is gone , it's hard to get back...in her heart she will never be able to trust him agin,,,its broken, hard to fix...

    Diane Belair // 2013-01-10 07:03:54 // //
  • Jeez people isn't it obvious? Forgiving can be difficult. A roller coaster of emotions within any given moment and it is always easier for the ego to hold anger towards the person involved that they do not hold attachment to. It isn't that she doesn't hold him accountable, it's just easier for her to move forward by directing her anger towards the woman.

    Brandy Brice // 2013-01-10 06:58:18 // //
  • I too have been in this situation.your husband is to blame as he is the one who made a commintment of fidelity to you, not her.Its easier to blame her as you are not trying to live with her, you want to believe your husband wasn`t this person.Accept the pain and become an observer of it so as it doesn`t become your identity.In time you will know what is best for you, whether to stay married or move on, it sounds to early yet.Good luck,

    Jo // 2013-01-10 06:57:11 // //
  • why you looking to hurt her its him you should be having anger issues with. Who knows how many lies he told her lol...

    Gagnon Linda // 2013-01-10 06:42:11 // //
  • Thanks for posting this. Great response.

    Erica Wynn // 2013-01-10 05:47:40 // //
  • You deserve a man who will be faithful. You have to love yourself enough to realize you deserve better.

    Elaine Fabiano- Ristino // 2013-01-10 05:45:15 // //
  • You give such good advice. A blessing to people. Thank u for all that u do.

    JuNe Rains Daniels // 2013-01-10 05:34:44 // //
  • Love is not a blame or anger. When there is no love from someone we try to demand it. And in that prosess we find hurt. To trust love is to trust life. Love is something to give. And our fear is that someone can take it away. Why can they take it away. Because it is given with conditions. We base our relationship on this condition. Our trust. To let it heal is to see what love comes from.

    Trond Fredriksen // 2013-01-10 05:20:03 // //
  • Anger is a higher frequency than despair and hoplessness

    Cheryl Haws // 2013-01-10 05:18:24 // //
  • People make mistakes in relationships, the fact that he is still with you proves it was a mistake otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Emotions can cause you more pain than you need to take on, understand your partner is suffering too for his mistake. Some Counselling together would help you both talk about your relationship in more depth and perhaps what's needed to keep it alive. The other woman is just that, why are you directing the anger at just her? Really if you forgive him, you should forgive her too! After all it takes two to tango!

    Cristina Pav // 2013-01-10 05:12:01 // //
  • Why is she just blaming her!? It takes TWO?

    Em Storey // 2013-01-10 05:03:42 // //
  • Our just leave this person...you will be feel free again...i know to let go was also painfull but that pian was better to deal with ...found a better realtion aswell :)

    Nancy Siesling // 2013-01-10 04:58:03 // //
  • I guess it would be wise and honest to look and try to understand what is missing in this marriage, what you are not getting and/or what you are not giving. This is for both involved. If there is real love, this crises can work for a new start.

    Carina Edenburg // 2013-01-10 04:37:22 // //
  • Being a therapist myself, every time I have seen this things happen, I ask my patient, to be very honest and try to understand her or his 50 % of the 100% of the responsibility. I realized there is always a complicity, always a hidden desire. It is easier though to be the victim than the "villain". In this case he will have to deal with his part of the responsibility, she will have to go deep inside deal with hers, and also try to find out if somewhere inside she ever needed or wanted this to happen. I know it hurts a lot, I been through it myself, but being honest to ourselves is key to letting go and liberate the other and ourselves from guilt.

    Carina Edenburg // 2013-01-10 04:08:56 // //
  • patients vital

    Lurdinha Cadorim Santos // 2013-01-10 04:08:03 // //
  • Dear Mr. Deepak, I think your response is right on the money.

    Debbie Hernandez // 2013-01-10 04:06:00 // //
  • @ratna , true I agree as it takes two to tango , and you don't know what lies he told her

    Sarah Hussein // 2013-01-10 04:00:42 // //
  • I could never trust again once a cheat always a cheat

    Sarah Hussein // 2013-01-10 03:58:37 // //
  • What wisdom do you have to share with women who do these things unknowingly to wives, girlfriends, baby mommas! And I dot understand why the rage is for the other woman and not your man?

    Ratna Devi Manokaran // 2013-01-10 03:41:48 // //
  • First advise should b to her as to y she isn't only angry with her husband. ?? She don't no that lady or what her husband told her or didn't tell her. We forgive the man and live with the pain while he goes and do it again to us. Meanwhile that other lady has moved on and happy.

    Umilita Heard // 2013-01-10 03:25:04 // //
  • love it,thanks for share sometimes people in that situation is not able to understand if somebody go away is because someone better will come probably and for shure the person who goes dnt have anithing else to give us

    Sandra Ahmed // 2013-01-10 03:11:44 // //
  • The Soul of God who healing is in me, in you, in the univers. Thank you for this TRUE on healing : just know that these feelings are passing through and out of you as you are healing. This means you do not need to take those thoughts seriously or think of...

    Liliane Floran // 2013-01-10 03:07:19 // //
  • Wel spoken deepak. I have been there too en was trying so hard not to be angry and hurt, thought it was my ego acting up. Your advice is to be patiënt with yourself, thank you.

    Eva Geelen // 2013-01-10 03:05:20 // //
  • The fact that you blame the other woman shows that you are pretending that your man has no, or less, blame. That would imply to me that you do feel blame and anger towards him but that you are suppressing it. It will always be there. Blame and anger are not positive. I suggest that you accept that it happened and now you need to ask yourself whether you can totally trust your man again. If you can't, then there is no basis for the relationship to continue. Honour yourself, dont blame the woman. Don't blame at all. Just help yourself to trust again and then wait for your real life partner.

    Ewout Van-Manen // 2013-01-10 03:04:34 // //
  • Cut his balls off!!!

    Rhys Davies // 2013-01-10 02:45:58 // //
  • EL Amor cura toda herida.... besos

    Norma Miryam Merlo // 2013-01-10 02:32:23 // //
  • Doesnt deserve a coment

    Doreen Ishtam // 2013-01-10 02:26:01 // //
  • I <3 Deepak

    Tristin L. Owen // 2013-01-10 02:24:33 // //
  • Absolutely awesome! Love heals all wounds! Let love! <3

    Yogendra Singh // 2013-01-10 02:20:28 // //
  • Rhank you for this post - i can relate ..

    Geneviève Jewell Berold // 2013-01-10 02:16:45 // //
  • I think it's very big of you to forgive him... Time will heal your pain. Take to meditation and yoga, will help you reduce pain and anger and keep you calm.

    Vinasha Premchand // 2013-01-10 02:11:03 // //
  • The thing is, the other woman is not to blame. This woman needs to look at why it is that she is projecting her anger onto this woman who is not the problem...her relationship with her man is the problem, and she needs to stop placing blame where it doesn't belong.

    Georgia Greetham // 2013-01-10 02:09:16 // //
  • Beautiful advice Deepak!!!

    Ferdie Luna // 2013-01-10 02:08:20 // //
  • Love doesn't hurt. Love by itself is pure and light. It's our wounded ego that gives us the pain and suffering.

    Marieke Van der Aar // 2013-01-10 02:04:09 // //
  • Awesome Deepak I love how you use words to convey your ideas :)

    Anna Lee Hoover // 2013-01-10 02:02:45 // //
  • p.p.s.s. Sounds like someone...hint,hint,is VERY CONFUSED about the subject of "CHEATING"hmmmm...???????wonder who that"Someone" is......

    Eye Pillows // 2013-01-10 01:57:54 // //
  • Stop going round blaming other people for your pain. Look at yourself and look at why you caused this !! The only power is forgiving yourself for letting this happen. Don't assume anything of others. Everything is ok and perfect -

    Anna Low // 2013-01-10 01:55:51 // //
  • You can forgive Michael, but forgetting is impossible. I commend her for her bravery. It is a brave act to trust. But it is freeing, and loving! :)

    Theresa Melendez // 2013-01-10 01:51:03 // //
  • That is not true. It can be done. I was in a similar situation, and it is possible to get to a place where you can see past your pain, beyond ego, and realize the cheating had little to do with you, and more with them. You can get beyond hurt, and now I see my ex, who is still with the other woman, and I can wish them peace and love and mean it. :)

    Theresa Melendez // 2013-01-10 01:48:46 // //
  • My word this man Chopra is a prophet now as well as a profit! It doesn't sound to me like the woman has forgiven her man at all. There is no way any person (not even Deepak Chopra ) can make a prediction as he does that "Eventually you will get to the place where you can find a secure and strong place inside where you can let go of all sense of revenge and blame"

    Michael Carroll // 2013-01-10 01:42:33 // //
  • i would immediately immerse myself w/ fun activities centered around finding a new mate & getting as far away in mind body & soul from a cheater!Life is too short.& FUN FUN FUN helps u 2 FORGET about a LOOSER who could care less about anyone but themselves!

    Eye Pillows // 2013-01-10 01:35:49 // //
  • figuring not fiduring

    Eye Pillows // 2013-01-10 01:30:42 // //
  • either that loongggg loonggg response will work for u OR go find some real love in a man who can keep his d**k in his pants & u won't have to waste all that energy fiduring out how to rationalize his stupidity...just sayin...

    Eye Pillows // 2013-01-10 01:30:02 // //
  • Yu are right...it is consuming yu...but heeee....who says Love does not hurt, right??? That is what Life is all about,,,,to learn and deal with pain and sorrow, anger, frustrations...etc...Maybe yu should go back to yur childhood...because there is mostly you will find the answer to yur problem.....Do not ingnore it.....accept it, embrace it and let it go.....

    Chiquira Toisuta // 2013-01-10 01:28:22 // //
  • believe in Karma!

    Martha Ehlenbeck // 2013-01-10 01:25:07 // //
  • Love is dangerous

    Scott Michael // 2013-01-10 01:22:08 // //
  • He is so right, I had the same experience 9 years ago, the pain subsides, you will be happy again, only this time it will be with someone that is yout true soulmate, nothing lasts forever enjoy each moment as they come, accept that there is a higher power working on your behalf, and be grateful for every sunrise. Many blessings, Cynthia

    Cynthia Vail // 2013-01-10 01:20:31 // //
  • If my husband does that this is not forgivable for sure. Every woman will try on him if he is not faithful then the meaning of marriage and relationship doesn't exist. Two people get married for a simple reason and that is trust if that's not there then it's of no use. Sex is available without the bond as well so might as well part away from a irrational bond.

    Geeta Kanhai Chhugani // 2013-01-10 01:20:21 // //
  • Don't blame the woman, takes two..and the reality ,is very hard to forgive your man when the cheat...honestly ..how can you trust again?..my husband did it to me and l couldn't forget, so l let him go., i

    Critina Cregnolini // 2013-01-10 01:11:42 // //
  • liked the segment on Conan tonight :)

    Transending Ascension // 2013-01-10 01:11:14 // //
  • Emotional wounds do heal but it leaves a scar, when you feel the scar, you remember the pain, allow it to pass through do not let it linger, in my Deepak Chopra impression, lol

    George Corbin // 2013-01-10 01:05:32 // //
  • *There*

    Xavier Black // 2013-01-10 01:05:04 // //
  • Wow..thank you! One day at a time...and it's very painful. Visualizing the pain going through helps!

    Lynn Sansom // 2013-01-10 01:03:36 // //
  • To many comments are made not knowing the whole situation, their are plenty of reasons to attempt to rebuild a shattered relationship.

    Xavier Black // 2013-01-10 01:03:17 // //
  • My advice is to leave your lover and forget about them both as you start your new, improved life. Love and desire will not let you be angry with your lover so your hate is doubly focused on the object of his betrayal. Surely you are disappointed with your lover and there is lack of trust. If you were in danger and needed him in the moment he betrayed you you would have been injured or worse. In that moment he did not care for you at all - shame on him. I am in a wonderful 13 year marriage and I've NEVER tolerated such dishonesty.

    Cecily Guest // 2013-01-10 00:59:31 // //
  • Redirection of the anger toward something with a positive outcome has helped me overcome that same anger. "Love, fear and pain are the drivers of inspiration"~ J.A.O

    Xavier Black // 2013-01-10 00:58:38 // //
  • So the dude completely escaped responsibility and the whole burden of blame now placed on this other woman. That's just crazy. Soz but I wouldn't listen to deepak on this one, this notion will just allow the guy to continue to be a cheater.

    Josh Vitos // 2013-01-10 00:53:38 // //
  • hit the road jack and don't you never come back no more no more hit the road jack don't you come back no more you are going to regret taking him in it happen to me but i let him go and later found a better one your true love is in the other man that's coming to your life so don't close the door to him by having the traitor at home act fast don't get old with a person that allready hurt you and brake your heart that is something that you will never forget take my words for it so hit the road jack never come back no more, no more ,no more no more and if you want to forget him think in all the bad things he did and forget the good things as simple as that good luckk

    Lydia Rivera // 2013-01-10 00:53:28 // //
  • Why feeling anger with the woman ? The main responsability belongs to the man she loves. And, I believe that such a man is not interesting to be loved...

    Stéphane Hurth // 2013-01-10 00:50:06 // //
  • We all have our own journey and lessons to learn. To say she is weak doesn't come from love, but from judgement. Allow her the freedom to learn her lessons and find her strength. Let's focus on our own lives on how to live it with love and how to prosper. We can lend a helping hand to those who need it and also learn something about ourselves in the process. She will find her answers in time, as we all do. Xx

    Lize Webb // 2013-01-10 00:47:57 // //
  • Nameste Dear Deepak!

    Ronald Kelly // 2013-01-10 00:45:43 // //
  • If your heart has found your true to your self love. You won't have to ask this question. Your true soul mate won't look elsewhere. Quit settling for less.

    Michelle Hutson // 2013-01-10 00:43:50 // //
  • Deepak, my esteemed guru, I did not you were taking over Dear Abby''s place. How do you find time to do all these things. That is the mystery for me. Respectfully.

    John Storojev // 2013-01-10 00:34:39 // //
  • Why do women live in denial? Why can't they accept things for what they are and move on. Why are you trying to fill the cracks after an Earthquake? What lies beneath is still not a sound foundation!

    Rob Rosado // 2013-01-10 00:33:00 // //
  • It takes 2 to tango... Why is she taking it out on the woman. Maybe she needs to figure out what was wrong with the relationship that caused the cheating... And then figure out if she still wants the relationship back. Once the trust Is broken its very hard to mend.

    Marisa Baez Scarda // 2013-01-10 00:27:05 // //
  • As people we all have the ability to be human. Mistakes unfortunately are prerequisite to lessons hopefully never forgotten.

    Kimberly Woods // 2013-01-10 00:22:40 // //
  • Why blame the woman, was she close to her?? O please I can't stand this type of weak woman- she was played by her man his loyalty should be important to her not some random woman this kind of ignorance is sad - she dreams of this woman cause she's jealous of the woman an that's stupid cause her man is the problem she truly has*

    Lazeezee Sierra // 2013-01-10 00:21:05 // //
  • Everything that enters out lives is an opportunity to heal and LOVE the broken places in ourselves - I know that all that occurs in my life is my lesson plan - as is this - seek to love yourself above all else and all will be revealed as is needed. Namaste'

    Michele Boronkas Horst // 2013-01-10 00:14:36 // //
  • Forgiveness is possible, but how do you forget? Especially if you choose to continue the relationship!

    Carolyn Ellsworth // 2013-01-10 00:14:13 // //
  • Commonsense101, you should practice what you preach . No self respecting person would speak that way. Have some self respect and try classing it up a bit.

    today // 2013-01-10 00:11:55 // //
  • Soy yo . .........

    Rosario Delgado // 2013-01-10 00:11:23 // //
  • stuff What is amazing writer

    Kamran Hasan // 2013-01-10 00:09:41 // //
  • only love is one

    Kamran Hasan // 2013-01-10 00:07:18 // //
  • Sometimes you just have to let go...........no matter what...push and pray though the pain, because there is a peace, calm and lesson learned on the other side. We repeat lessons until we learn them.

    Ashira Gemz // 2013-01-10 00:05:49 // //
  • I love Dr. Chopra very much, so it's tough to not entirely agree. I think she SHOULD look at herself as flawed in her reactions to this. The woman is not the one who wronged her. The woman didn't commit to not hurt her by cheating. The woman isn't the REAL target, but as long as people okay this kind of thinking, it will continue. I can't imagine my boyfriend cheating on me and then having me blame the woman. I see it as desperation to keep something that might not really be there. Total honesty with herself is what needs to happen, and THEN maybe true forgiveness is possible.

    Penny Musok // 2013-01-10 00:05:37 // //
  • You need to pray & seek some professional help....I don't wanna see your story on the ID channel.

    Sheki Williams // 2013-01-10 00:05:31 // //
  • Nasty stuff , but why stay with such a nasty man ! You should have let her have that dirty prick !

    Sandra Pedraza Karber // 2013-01-10 00:04:47 // //
  • Namaste..

    Calderon Darwin // 2013-01-09 23:58:19 // //
  • While the below comment is horrible, there is the painful truth. If there is anger or resentment, forgiveness has not yet been reached. I commend anyone willing to work through infidelity but always be honest with yourself. Half the population cannot overcome this, and if that`s you then don`t be afraid to cut the cords and move on. It`s not worth suffering for and there is no shame in admitting than in this particular area, you do not have what it takes to forgive him.

    Truthful Seeker // 2013-01-09 23:55:13 // //
  • "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.” JD

    Brenda Cuevas // 2013-01-09 23:50:01 // //
  • It took me a Long Time, to understand this: Those who anger us, conquer us. We lose our own power, by letting other people make us angry. It takes tremendous emotional maturity, not to get angry in these kinds of situations. Know that anger is energy. Take all that energy, and transform into positive production. Just like the lady who lost her daughter to a drunk driver, got angry and started MADD. Anger can do amazing things, when channeled in the proper way, to build something constructive that serves the greater society.

    Jasun Light // 2013-01-09 23:44:38 // //
  • How about getting more confidence and realize you will never trust this man again. Why would you dream violently about the girl? Your guy isn't yours and now he knows he can walk all over you. Don't be anybody's doormat. Focus on you. Leave the loser. Let the other girl have him because he isn't good enough for you. Trust me. He will cheat on her.

    Carolyn Vinyard Shneider // 2013-01-09 23:43:13 // //
  • Linda Greenfield.....you've said it best. If everyone could drop the judgements and find the love within, the healing would begin. Ho'o pono pono is AMAZING! Nice to see it being put out there in the world. Much thanks!

    Megan Johnson Sisk // 2013-01-09 23:41:19 // //
  • *strive

    Paris Whitney Major // 2013-01-09 23:41:06 // //
  • im faithful to the love of my life. she said she love me n wont leave me but but all of the sudden didnt talk to me. i told her before when theres a problem to alwayz talk about it and hold on to each other. i pray everyday n hope her conscience would bother her someday bec i almost died when i had an accident driving her truck. i dont know how she sleeps at nite.

    Zeris Mao Novido // 2013-01-09 23:40:29 // //
  • A lot of people here are saying that she should be upset with the man she loves rather than the other woman. Although it's true that he presumably had made a commitment, and broke it, I also believe that we as women owe it to ourselves & to each other to not cross the line with married or attached men... And men also should respect other people's relationships. I am by no means perfect, but i do strice to live with honesty & integrity.

    Paris Whitney Major // 2013-01-09 23:40:18 // //
  • time my friend time is the healer of all pain and suffering.

    Deborah-Debbie Lynne Grigsby // 2013-01-09 23:39:29 // //
  • What about praying for this person for 30 or even 90 days straight?

    Ian Caton // 2013-01-09 23:37:29 // //
  • ...brilliantly relayed. Thank you Dr. Chopra. I found your response to be very well paced and placed. Namaste

    Jacquie Klosch // 2013-01-09 23:37:28 // //
  • Thanks Deepak.. But I guess the crux of the answer would be to enlighten us on how to ease up this pain or reach that level of forgiveness faster??

    Sudhir Sharma // 2013-01-09 23:35:50 // //
  • This person is asking for help to ease their suffering & release their anger. They have not asked whether they should leave the betrayer. Look at all the judgement, blame & anguish in these comments that is being mirrored. Apparently alot of emotional release is needed even among the enlightened! Are we not all infinite beings experiencing life as human? I find repeating the Hawaiian prayer Ho'o pono pono until I can say it and mean it a helpful way to release the emotional charge around my own issues. (Ho'o pono pono. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I thank you.)

    Linda Greenfield // 2013-01-09 23:33:54 // //
  • Good advice

    Cheryl Poland // 2013-01-09 23:33:10 // //
  • Blessings to you for love.

    Heidi Nance // 2013-01-09 23:31:24 // //
  • Her anger towards the woman is understandable, especially if the other woman knew she was sleeping with a married man, but the husband is at just as much fault as the woman with whom he cheated...if not more. I truly believe the wife should leave him. Marriage is only true when the devotion is genuine, and this guy doesn't have what it takes to be devoted enough. A union should never have to be the source of toxicity in one's life - it is supposed to enhance one's life and enrich their soul...bring more smiles than tears. This pain is toxic for her wellness, caused by a faulty marriage to a faulty man. She is highly likely to get hurt again, but I truly hope she'll be okay.

    Zahra De Valora // 2013-01-09 23:31:14 // //
  • Deepak, can I ask a question, or to anyone who cares to share a response.... I think that cheating is ultimate betrayal and disrespect for either a husband or a wife... But, why do I always hear that if someone cheats, it's not necessarily because they don't love that person anymore... Sometimes love has nothing to do with it, but how can that possibly be? I've been married for 14 years and don't believe that at all....

    Jamie Dwaileebe Stanley // 2013-01-09 23:28:16 // //
  • Anger and revenge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Find a safe place to vent those feelings, they have to be gotten out. Find a therapist, journal, or a group to help express the pain you feel. One day it will become clear that forgiveness is the gift you finally give yourself so you are no longer in pain. You will be able to move on at that point but it takes time and a commitment to your own personal growth.

    Martha Ehlenbeck // 2013-01-09 23:24:40 // //
  • @Rudy Salvio that makes the most sense of all the drama here I've read. There's a lot of lust going on in this and not a lot of love. Sad.

    Thea Barton-Bullen // 2013-01-09 23:23:20 // //
  • The man is good, read all his books and listened to his cds,hes quite charming too, not all uptight.

    Kitty Freund // 2013-01-09 23:22:31 // //
  • Once a cheater always a cheater.

    Sheryl Snow // 2013-01-09 23:21:25 // //
  • Forgive and leave. It will just happen again and you will have wasted your precious time and love on someone who doesn't deserve you. Much love to you and you will get through this and become a stronger person once you listen to your gut and know you're worth much more.

    Rebecca Hughes // 2013-01-09 23:21:09 // //
  • Deepak! You are so amazing. I strive to be as enlightened. We are blessed to have you in our earth school.

    Mary Thompson Roberts // 2013-01-09 23:16:23 // //
  • If someone cheats - they will do it again. Its in their system. Like a lion after tasting human flesh. It wants more. When someone cheats - forgive them and just walk away. Find someone with more respect for you. And more love. That would be my answer. Love, Rodien.

    Rodien de Maar // 2013-01-09 23:15:33 // //
  • I been through that journey. Practice not attatching yourself to people or things. Life is all about experience, good and bad. Embrace and learn. Breath and live. There is soooooo much more to focus on. Shift that energy inward and nurse yourself to healthy concious person. What helped me is I started to challenge myself mentally and physically. Now five years later I am completely a different person. Sometimes the worse things in life is blessing in disguise. We only have this ONE life to live, ask yourself how u want your life to be remembered. Happy 2013 Year to everyone.

    Sharan Shergill // 2013-01-09 23:14:53 // //
  • The man had his cake, and ate it too. Isn't life too short for such games? High chance he will repeat this, since he basically got away with it.

    Louise Just // 2013-01-09 23:12:10 // //
  • zero....but life :)

    Eross Keeling // 2013-01-09 23:10:23 // //
  • I Love your advice! Wonderful!

    Ann Duett // 2013-01-09 23:09:48 // //
  • Lose, not loose

    Gigi DiLonardo Papayiannis // 2013-01-09 23:05:16 // //
  • I find when I spend energy on being angry with them, I am hurting myself more. I've been in this situation. Floods of emotions flow through a person, but to know it is normal and work through it as fast as possible letting go of the hate and anger, leave one feeling free again. Your anger may be being misdirected at the woman since you took your man back and it wouldn't be helpful to stay mad at him. Just a thought, but perhaps worth looking at to completely heal. Best wishes hun.

    Debra 'Dee' Wells // 2013-01-09 23:05:02 // //
  • Karen Otani Morrow, well said. This woman did not break a promise or vow to her, her partner did. Who knows what he even told the other woman, & to loose respect for Deepak? I don't understand that at all.

    Gigi DiLonardo Papayiannis // 2013-01-09 23:03:47 // //
  • It is not the other woman you should be angry with, it's ur husband. The other woman doesn't owe u anything, she is not the one who betrayed u, it's your husband. If you have forgiven your husband then you have to forgive her first. You are putting the onus in the other woman. Take onus n forgive both!

    Urvashi Ahuja // 2013-01-09 22:59:35 // //
  • Hmmm. How do we know this is a woman who has been cheated, it could be a man/man relationship? In any case, STOP Step back, look on the whole story as though observing the situation from out side of you. Look at the person you are, who is she/he angry at? Is she/he angry at her/himself for trusting, for not seeing? This could be a unidentified layer of anger. Which means you could be taking responsibility for other peoples actions. Are you? If you are, forgive yourself first. It is the other persons responsibity to uphold his marital vows.Whether he was suducee or seducer. You can only control what you do, not what others do.

    Janice L. Hetherington // 2013-01-09 22:59:05 // //
  • I agree unconditional love is what heals all and in time if you truly love yourself you can heal... Not him though that has to be him. I am going through this same situation and there is different stages. Your still putting blame on something or someone and possibly not seeing the bigger picture. Look deeper within. Love and light.

    Janine Razeau // 2013-01-09 22:58:24 // //
  • What do u think? Danny Twopointo Sandoval

    Yvette Ramirez // 2013-01-09 22:57:59 // //
  • Let go of the anger and why are you angry with the woman, she didn't deceive you, the man you love did. You have 2 choices, stay with him or leave him. Either way it will never be the same between you. If you do not let go of the anger, however, he is still cheating on you.

    Wendy Ann Zellea // 2013-01-09 22:57:58 // //
  • After reading all of these, all that I can say is She took him back but She did not forgive him. That's why there are the nightmares. He will do it again if she forgives him:-( Ugh!!!

    Yvette Charbonneau // 2013-01-09 22:56:58 // //
  • Whenever something evokes the emotion of anger , there is a percieved threat to self ; either the singular self or the extended self . It takes time for trust to be rebuilt and while she has forgiven him , she still feels the threat of his potential for further betrayal , hence the continued percieved threat and continued anger . Is the other woman still a threat and if so , why and how ? Forgiveness is the most omnipotent expression of Love and always entails self forgiveness .

    Ed Braddock // 2013-01-09 22:55:44 // //
  • Your Soul Is So Healthy Deepak..... You deserve so much Affirmation!

    April Vanderburgh // 2013-01-09 22:54:57 // //
  • I love this q and a that's been appearing in the news feed

    Margarita Seanlee Rakia Colon // 2013-01-09 22:54:22 // //
  • It's easy to say u should leave him because he cheated. But when u love someone and u care enough for your relationship to forgive him that means u really want to give him another chance. Because u believe it can happen or it was a mistake. It hurts a lot I can talk about it. If your husband accepts that it was his fault it will be a lot easier to let go of the pain. It is not the other woman who should be blamed. This time it is her the next time it will be another. It is your husband who also chooses for this relationship so he should give u back what u lost. Your trust in him. Your anger is not that she made him cheat or he cheated on u. But not being able to trust again. That's what u 2 should work on. Wish u all the best

    Devika Rattan // 2013-01-09 22:54:22 // //
  • it is probably right that the anger should be directed towards him, rather then her--- however, she is just as guilty, for the way in which she responded--- indeed, time heals the wounds... but... i think there are other things to consider, meantime i.e. how is his attitude in general, was this just one isolated incident, is your love still there (equal, on both sides), was this adventure a one night stand, or were there any feelings involved?!?... just few of the questions to consider getting answers to, before deciding if it is worth the effort to make the relationship (honestly) work- seeking some professional assistance might be a good idea / just an opinion...

    Irina-Raluca Geangali-Little // 2013-01-09 22:53:20 // //
  • Read this book called "The Heart to Forgive" by Mimi Gabriel - wonderful story.

    Yes // 2013-01-09 22:50:08 // //
  • This also applies to other relationships where trust has been broken. Thank you Deepak

    Tassy Burchett Johnson // 2013-01-09 22:49:03 // //
  • Deepak ROCKS!

    Fran Muir // 2013-01-09 22:49:02 // //
  • Why would you lose respect for Deepak? This woman already made her decision and asked for his advice on how to ease the pain. She asked for advice, not his opinion. As a professional that's all he can give. He answered her question. Though I do agree it is mis-directed anger. The other woman did not break a commitment to her, her boyfriend did.

    Karen Otani Morrow // 2013-01-09 22:47:08 // //
  • I too was not able to forgive him Nor was I able to stop the rage I had building for the both of them until I closed the door on that Chapter in my life. I can never get that time back...BUT I can sure as Hell Move on.....MY Mother always said "Birds of a Feather, Flock Together"......A Liar and an Idiot.....Best of luck to the both of them <3

    Verdell Price // 2013-01-09 22:46:26 // //
  • Displaced anger..the woman was a symptom of the real issue..the man is weak. Period. You can forgive him and that's great but don't get messed up over the woman,

    Laurie Brown // 2013-01-09 22:46:17 // //
  • True. People just don't know the difference between lust and love. I always thought I lost her but in reality she lost me.

    Rudy Salvio // 2013-01-09 22:45:21 // //
  • Yes the man in this situation is primarily to blame, but if the other woman was aware that he was in a relationship, then she is responsible for the hurt caused too. Its entirely natural to express your hurt in these feelings towards her. When they arise (or just think abou the situation) find a safe place and really let yourself feel this hurt, go deep into these feelings and be with this energy to its full extent, instead of fearing them and trying to control them. In this way you gain real control and understanding of the emotional energy and allow it to gradually heal/transform. Sometimes igt seems our sexual desires (speaking as a man)can drive us on a primal, less consious level to do things we later with our heart deeply regret. Like hurt the ones we truely care about. As others have said you need to really examine/trust your instinct on whether this guy is good for you and is truely sorry for hurting you. Look to the light of spiritualality and know at a deep level you are always loved and know that sometimes what feels like terrible pain can actually be a girft that helps us grow and move towards the light of our true nature. Commonsense101, you raise some valid points in a way, but your bitterness is toxic. Maybe one day you can see this and write to Deepak for some advise.

    compassion101 // 2013-01-09 22:44:15 // //
  • I can relate... Its been a year now suffering from similar situation, and yet its still painful.. :( though I had forgiven but memories are the killers... :'(

    Vic Twik // 2013-01-09 22:43:34 // //
  • Passing. Everything is simply passing through.

    Lovinlifein Dtsp // 2013-01-09 22:38:54 // //
  • I can understand her anger; it takes TWO to tango!

    Jack P Norris Jr // 2013-01-09 22:38:43 // //
  • Thank you Deepak!!! :) May this person heal more quickly as she finds forgiveness w/in herself. kb/ox

    Katy Boehm // 2013-01-09 22:37:18 // //
  • How dare any of you judge her and her decisions. You don't know what her journey has been like. It might not work for you, but it may for her.

    Lori Griego // 2013-01-09 22:36:41 // //
  • Caroline Kittredge have you thought about HER feelings? She was STILL loving him! She has also sacrificed for their son. Is easy to slam the door, but when kids are involved is different!

    Lory Reiki // 2013-01-09 22:35:50 // //
  • I love that you said be patient with yourself and to not judge yourself. I'm working on that as well. :)

    Tanya King // 2013-01-09 22:35:39 // //
  • I wasn't able to forgive until I let him go, sent him right out the door. never angry thoughts about her, him yes. After 4 years it's much better and I'm at peace with myself. I realized I was more angry at myself for picking such an unfaithful partner.

    Maria Luz Gutierrez // 2013-01-09 22:34:05 // //
  • He'll do it again. Hang in there! You deserve someone special like that.

    Trevor S Patteson // 2013-01-09 22:33:51 // //
  • as women, we are always angry at the "other woman," as opposed to the man who we had the commitment with. Why is this? I've experienced it myself.

    Rhonda Meeks // 2013-01-09 22:33:38 // //
  • Ruth, she chose to forgive him. Sounds like you have a lot of anger about it.

    Lori Griego // 2013-01-09 22:32:25 // //
  • Lost respect for Deepak. Maybe he has cheated on his wife...?! And expects it to be forgiven? Yuck!

    Caroline Kittredge // 2013-01-09 22:32:16 // //
  • If you decide to stay then you either forgive and shut up or play the victim. The other woman isn't at fault. It's the husband's fault, and if you allow the behaviour then it's also your fault for staying.

    Ravyn Yidette-Green // 2013-01-09 22:32:04 // //
  • This is a good picture of you Deepak.

    Luisa Esposito // 2013-01-09 22:31:37 // //
  • Don't judge yourself, true! The woman did NOTHING wrong, she should dump/ divorce the untrustworthy man and feel good about herself for not settling for a liar and cheater and move on & find someone who honors her.

    Caroline Kittredge // 2013-01-09 22:30:09 // //
  • is not too easy...hurts...and is still there...the pain is in the memory...that's why...is too important...the Fidelity on marriage....

    Engels Aguirre // 2013-01-09 22:29:05 // //
  • ~ <3 ~

    Lori Nadler-Armstrong // 2013-01-09 22:28:47 // //
  • Turn it around----- your wife cheats on you and brings you home a disease, jeopardizes your children peace and tranquility, She had embarrassed you, your family, your children. Now. Depak. Don't take it serious, Just let your anger pass, Tell the children they can not disrespect their mother, Tell your family to treat your wife with respect//// no big deal!!!

    Ruth Himan // 2013-01-09 22:28:09 // //
  • Good advice, but still I'd have a talk with her. Tell her how you feel and that you're trying to not hurt her. Hopefully she'll say something that helps bring clarity to the situation. If nothing else, maybe she'll think twice before she steps out like that again. Of course your husband is responsible for his part, but I'm assuming you've been talking to him!

    Mira Sunday // 2013-01-09 22:28:00 // //
  • Stupid women forgive the men and mad at the woman.. Stupid!! Oh yeah cause his dick accidentally fell in her.. The woman ain't the enemy u laying next to the enemy

    Myra Lattimore // 2013-01-09 22:27:59 // //
  • Feelings passing thru....I like that.

    Trish Foreman Wesevich // 2013-01-09 22:27:32 // //
  • My husband of 14yrs cheated on me. I learned of his infidelity only several months ago but it had been occuring for years. He admitted his first indiscretion as he calls it twelve years ago. I had red flags then but I was a young mother of two children and I chose to believe the delusion. Now that he has abandoned me with my children I look back at all the signs and I blame myself. I remained devoted to someone who didn`t value me or my children and I have to own to the choice to stay. I`m still working on forgiveness. He moved out of state and resides with the woman he is currently having an affair with and I have to let go and forgive for my own healing. We can love people but we can`t control them. We all have a different path in life to live, love and grow. Go within to discover who you are and what you want in life to live in truth. I still love my husband and will forever because he was such a big part of my life. But I have to have start loving myself more, have dignity, self respect, and learn to truly forgive to let go of the ego.

    Deborah // 2013-01-09 22:25:57 // //
  • As long as you feel pain, there are places where you are still holding subconscious conflicts. I agree with Rick Ronson's comments above. Don't over analyze yourself because these conflicts are deep below your consciousness. Don't play the blame game. Just be willing to accept that you are very human & let the emotions surface & just have the willingness to release. Over & over. Until those deep fears finally disperse & all that is left is the space of Oneness. Eventually you can decide from your spirit if this is really the best relationship for you.

    Linda Greenfield // 2013-01-09 22:25:38 // //
  • keep in mind the consequences of your actions

    Thomas Hayes // 2013-01-09 22:25:29 // //
  • Want to read all Posts, and may, if time should permit. But, before this Post may be swallowed in shadows of replies, Remember we all have flaws. In this situation, if cheats on me, keep things civil, like you don't know, but move on 'cause you do.

    Jeffrey Smith // 2013-01-09 22:25:07 // //
  • By forgiving him only is only half the battle - you have to forgive her too to be ay peace with him

    Lisa Medici // 2013-01-09 22:23:44 // //
  • How many times can she ask her husband for reassurance and expect her husband to give her reassurance? How long can she hold on to this anger and expect her husband to help her through this anger? As many times and ad long as she needs to feel secure, loved, trusting again. This needing to get over it and rebuild this trust is his job--- not hers alone!!!!

    Ruth Himan // 2013-01-09 22:22:18 // //
  • Right Sandra W. the anger is with him but she can't bring herself to express it towards him, so the "other" woman has to take the hit! Therapy helps!

    Kyana Joy // 2013-01-09 22:21:29 // //
  • Beautiful!! Thank you!!

    Edel Banaszewski // 2013-01-09 22:20:29 // //
  • Thank you Deepak!!

    Leslie Thomas // 2013-01-09 22:20:21 // //
  • Let me explain it from a sister's point of view. You need help! You're angry with the women but forgave your cheating man. I'm sure she didn't make him drop his pants or poke her with his Johnson. He did actually what he wanted and didn't have a second thought about you. You're stuck in stupid! Hope he hasn't infected you with any critters.

    Kat Lynn // 2013-01-09 22:20:07 // //
  • like it....

    Claudia Paba Garcia // 2013-01-09 22:19:57 // //
  • Meditating using your CD and loving it!

    Virginia Urbach // 2013-01-09 22:19:31 // //
  • Thanks for share your wisdom! Kisses from Rio de Janeiro - Brasil. :)

    Vera Macedo // 2013-01-09 22:18:25 // //
  • Total misdirected anger. Don't degrade yourself by putting up with betrayal. HE did you wrong. Don't be "that" girl.

    Andrea Hunt // 2013-01-09 22:18:01 // //
  • Deepak, you are so amazing... I hope you know that!!

    Patrick Spencer // 2013-01-09 22:17:41 // //
  • I love you Deepak. You truly walk the walk.

    Sherry Barnhart Morris // 2013-01-09 22:17:37 // //
  • Trust is d biggest factor in a relationship above all everything. Don't judge urself by having bad feelings.. Either frgve her or move out of a relationship n frgve n frget evrythn. Its hard bt all u hav to c whr u feel better. Keeping grudges vl only harm u.. Simply frgve n frget plus move on it will eradicate ur negative feelings. Hav patience n god bless u. :)

    Khushbu Tyagi // 2013-01-09 22:17:28 // //
  • I think the anger is misdirected. It is most likely toward him, but since there is no dependence/connection with her, it's easier to direct it at her. Therapy & true forgiveness is needed for the couple. The "other woman" didn't break a vow, HE DID. You deserve better.

    Sandra White Lorang // 2013-01-09 22:17:26 // //
  • Staying shows you are in control. Not taking it personal is a bridge nearly impossible to cross. The anger evaporates. The hurt is removed. The other person did not get a reaction. Its not the end of the world. It is that other person's problem. Stay and make him feel it quietly, patiently. Be patient. Don't be a patient.

    Steve Renko // 2013-01-09 22:17:25 // //
  • Love your words Deepak you are an inspiration xx

    Jacquline Toneff-Upshaw // 2013-01-09 22:17:24 // //
  • Many times we want things 2-B-1 way...... But in reality they're another way. That hope for what is right will immobilize you. Keep u hanging on & getting beaten up. In relationships (which u cant control) Learn to deal with reality not with what u want it 2B.

    Rick Ronson // 2013-01-09 22:17:18 // //
  • Did she know that the two of you were together. Most often men lie and the women really don't know that they are married/or in a relationship.

    Susan .K. Hathaway // 2013-01-09 22:17:13 // //
  • Good advice - please consider that anger toward her may really be anger displaced...if she is not someone you know, deal with anger and the person in front of you who made the choice -- with compassion for yourself. It isn't easy...time helps.

    Austen Eddy // 2013-01-09 22:16:14 // //
  • Love you Deepak Chopra

    Anna Tamsin Groves // 2013-01-09 22:15:58 // //
  • Thanks I do need to ask you something is quite and very intense love to do it private need your word asap many blessings victor

    Victor Hugo // 2013-01-09 22:15:51 // //
  • Misdirected ANGER!!! It takes two to tango dear!!! You have every right to be angry with HIM!! HE betrayed you and everything that is good! How could you ever trust him again? You should have packet HIS dirty underwear and HIM and wished both of them well on their Journey from now on! When HE does it to you the next time i hope you are angry with YOU!!!

    Heike Hofmann // 2013-01-09 22:15:48 // //
  • She should be angry with her man!! She's angry she does NOT have the courage to leave and remains an option!! #MisplacedBlame

    Diamond Starr // 2013-01-09 22:15:14 // //
  • Nice photo Deepak

    Heather Clayton // 2013-01-09 22:15:14 // //
  • Deepak ji nature is the healer and it heals all pains, all err in life excusing and going ahead is life. Anger is a negetive energy which need to be transformed to positive side. To get out of such situations :)

    Archana Kamath // 2013-01-09 22:14:56 // //
  • Because not everyone throws the towel of life in. Some choose to heal & fix.

    Jennifer Stacy // 2013-01-09 22:14:48 // //
  • why stay?

    Jae Cisco Gomez // 2013-01-09 22:12:41 // //
  • the anger is comes from a lack of options and being too weak to leave someone who felt you werent good enough. Someone who doesnt view relationships in the same loyal manner you do. It comes from feeling that vulnerability of knowing that since you tolerated it you gave a green light for it to happen again. Knowing it can happen again but being stuck right there like a deer in headlights.

    Rick Ronson // 2013-01-09 22:12:21 // //
  • nicepic

    Pilar Granados Jimenez // 2013-01-09 22:12:05 // //
  • Deepak você é o cara.

    Fernando Cardoso // 2013-01-09 22:12:04 // //
  • wow

    Dawn Somma // 2013-01-09 22:11:05 // //
  • If you know the person your significant other is cheating with, you have 2 betrayals and embarassment.. If you dont know the other person, then your anger is misdirected.. you're really angry at your significant other, not at the other person...

    Bil Zen // 2013-01-09 22:10:23 // //
  • Muy bien

    Georgina Acosta // 2013-01-09 22:10:15 // //
  • Let go...learn...walk away... <3

    Kat Jones // 2013-01-09 22:09:41 // //
  • I love when you say "just know these feelings are passing through and out of you as you are healing". I needed these words right now. Thank you Deepak!

    Denise B. Mitchell // 2013-01-09 22:08:57 // //
  • But what if it still remains sub-conciuosly deep n loose the faith. So why even stay together where the love,faith,trust n togetherness fades away :((

    Sheetal Bulsara Tandel // 2013-01-09 22:08:56 // //
  • When in doubt, talk it out! You have a right to your anger. You won't act out violently. Help yourself heal and decide what is best for your own well being and sanity.

    Kristy Stone // 2013-01-09 22:08:55 // //
  • I am sure he woman that slept with the man is just as upset unless she just really is okay with being used.

    Carolyn Dresbach // 2013-01-09 22:08:36 // //
  • YOU ROCK DEEPAK!!!!!!

    Marilyn Ramos Cruz // 2013-01-09 22:08:36 // //
  • Deepak, you sound like "Dear Abby"

    Nancy P. Ottaviano // 2013-01-09 22:07:50 // //
  • I love the simplicity of your appreciations !!!

    Laura Suero // 2013-01-09 22:07:37 // //
  • In the same boat. Except my rage is directed at my partner. The woman had no idea what was going on !!!

    Alena Podhorsky // 2013-01-09 22:07:36 // //
  • primero deberia asegurarse que sucede entre ellos realmente para emitir un jucio, igual esta Ud pensando MAL, es importante que platiquen

    Nina Marin // 2013-01-09 22:07:30 // //
  • I stopped reading about two sentences in... But I think u should go buy a hammer and fucking murder them. Just saying

    Jesse Davenport // 2013-01-09 22:07:20 // //
  • Beautiful

    Curtis Simpson // 2013-01-09 22:07:19 // //
  • At what point though, is the right answer to break ties with the person who is truly to blame....the person who broke those ties to begin with?

    John Tringle // 2013-01-09 22:06:25 // //
  • I love you Deepak so much...

    Natalie Rivera // 2013-01-09 22:06:17 // //
  • bélli parolé ,grazis

    Fibbi Anne // 2013-01-09 22:06:03 // //
  • I need too that other woman was my own sister and feel the same.

    Ana Groszek // 2013-01-09 22:05:59 // //
  • ♥ you Deepak Sharma

    Suzanne Valle // 2013-01-09 22:05:54 // //
  • Oh...I like this

    Kelly ArsinoeRaqs Michele // 2013-01-09 22:05:36 // //
  • Wow i definitely needed this DEEPak!

    Natasha Joy Gourd // 2013-01-09 22:04:54 // //
  • I like the wise way of looking at the pain of forgiveness you share with us all Deepak.

    Christina Fowler // 2013-01-09 22:04:17 // //
  • Uuuuaaaaauuu!!!!

    Eliane Figueirêdo // 2013-01-09 22:03:35 // //
  • Pain, physical or emotional, is always an opportunity to open the gate to our inner selves, to the place where truth, wisdom and peace resides inside ourselves. Beyond morals, right or wrong, even beyond healing and any kind of process, the opportunity to discover is here. Peace is right there, waiting for you, at this very instant. Follow the route of your pain, observe it with all your heart, and follow it as deep as it can take you: put all your attention at the root of your awareness, at the source of the perception of pain. That is where peace resides.

    Suka // 2013-01-09 21:32:52 // //
  • I understand that you are feeling hurt and the scars seem to persist. But if you have truly forgiven him, as you said, it should be easier to let go of the negative thoughts and revengeful intention. Now that the affair has happened, you cant turn back the time to avoid it, but you do have the ability to forgive and, more importantly, to devote all your love to your lover, making sure that he feels you love him despite his affair. If it is meant to be, things will get better and in time you will find the healing power in the act of forgiving and loving. But if you are not meant for him, you will sense it, too, and probably it`s no longer a relationship worth fighting for.

    Patrisius // 2013-01-09 21:29:51 // //
  • I feel for you but I had a similar thing happen to me with the man I loved. He had a sexual relationship with another woman after we wer datig for 2 years. He swore he loved me and never told me he had done this, untill he could lie no more about it because the girl become pregnant and had his baby. He kept the baby secret from me for 8months and had been having vists with the baby. I noticed he was stressed and having financial problems since he was being taken to court for child support untill I finally said whats going on? He came clean only because I found out and because she decided to have the baby he did not want her to. Any how, I decided I don`t need a person like him in my life. I could not forgive his deception but I do remain his friend because he is still in need of emotional support and I have moved on in my prsonal life and could not be happier with who I am with now.

    gwendalyn89 // 2013-01-09 21:23:51 // //
  • Ugh. Commonsense101, your comment is horrible. It is not helpful and it`s cruel. You should think before you post.

    Monday // 2013-01-09 21:14:34 // //
  • Why is she blaming the other woman? He is not to take responsibility because he is a man? Have some fucking self respect, you bitch! Yup, it will hurt, and it probably won`t heal because you can`t deal with what`s real. Wake up and smell the coffee! You say you forgave him but yet you`re still angry? You didn`t forgive him, you just avoid breaking off the relationship because you`re probably scared and insecure and don`t think that anyone else will ever want you again. Your relationship will probably not change, things will probably get worse until eventually one day he will leave you for someone else. You can`t avoid your problems forever! Someday you will have to deal with them, like it or not. Better to take this opportunity to do it now.

    CommonSense101 // 2013-01-09 21:06:54 // //