I am at a crossroads with my current relationship. I love him very much and we have a lot in common as well as a good friendship, but we are not matched well in the realm of physical love and I miss the affection and passion that enjoyed in previous relationships. My problem is that I keep vacillating between thinking that this is something I need to change in myself (that this is a lesson of some sort and that is why it is so painful an issue) or that he is ultimately not the person for me. I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. While I strive to change, grow and better myself in all things, this has been a very long, painful, deep struggle for me and there are moments when I wonder if I'm supposed to change at all and just move on. I do find that I've made much progress on my part, but it never seems to be enough. Am I feeling like giving up right before a breakthrough? Or is my soul telling me that I cannot bear this pain any longer? Thank you.
To determine if you need to leave this relationship and find the physical intimacy you want; or remain in the relationship as a lesson in growing beyond your old self, you need to first determine what growth you need and are ready for right now. Otherwise you might be struggling for no reason or benefit. Since you haven’t given me any background information on yourself to go on, you are going to have to figure out by yourself what it is about your past history that makes you think that continuing in this friendly but passionless relationship is going to lead to something good for you. Have you used physical intimacy in past relationships as a diversion from the challenges of deeper emotional intimacy and vulnerability? If so, then maybe this relationship is what you need to move forward. But if physical affection is actually a powerful tool for your personal and spiritual growth, then this current relationship may actually be inhibiting your development. Once you have clarity on this, it will be easier to make your decision.