When I was younger my dad would always come home complaining about how the house looked, and he was never satisfied even if it was clean. I told myself I would never be that way, and yet, I find myself doing it. I practice your teachings, try at least, so why can’t I let go of this? He passed a year ago and the grief is still there I think, maybe I never dealt with it. How do I let go. I know he is still here in another form, but I don’t want my children feeling the way I did when he acted like that. Thank you.
I think you have adopted your late father’s critical attitude as an unconscious response to your unresolved feelings toward him. Since it has been over a year now since his death and you still feel you haven’t dealt with the grief, it may be that your conflicted feelings puts a brake on your intentions to heal his loss. Don’t be shy about seeking out a counselor or friend that you can pour all your feelings out to. Someone who will listen without judgment is what you need. It can also be helpful to write down your feelings in a journal. You can even write a series of letters to your dad, expressing all your frustrations, fondness, funny memories, trivialities,… whatever comes to mind. The important thing to do is give yourself permission to unburden your heart without worrying about how it looks, whether it seems fair, or nice, or right. An open expression of your feelings will get your healing process back on track, and that is what you need.