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Becoming a Loner
Question:

Hello Deepak, I am 23, I left home seeking a new experience. But now I am becoming more of a loner than I have ever been. I feel uncomfortable with who I am, I look around, see all the confident people and I envy them. I am sinking and I am lost. The urge to leave everything behind is so strong that it scares me. I meditate, I pray, I read. nothing helps.

Response:

As one leaves home as a young adult, it is to some extent natural to go through a phase of feeling alone and scared as you face the world on your own for the first time. This is an important period where you begin to assess your areas of strength and areas where you still need to grow. In this stage, it is easy to look around you and assume that the busy people around you are all confident and know what they are doing. They don’t. Quite often they are as scared and lonely as you are, but have learned to mask it with a brave front. That is a mistake that you can still avoid. Instead of comparing yourself to the life you imagine others are living, let this natural introspective lead you to discover the core principles of your Being. Your current low self-esteem may make you feel like leaving everything behind, but if you begin to build a self from the inside out, you will always feel happy and secure wherever you are. If you feel like meditation, reading and prayer aren’t helping, then you are probably thrashing around too much emotionally to allow yourself to fully enter into those processes. Start at a more basic level. Get a journal and write all the good qualities you have. Also write the nice attributes others have noticed about you. Then write about what it is inside you that allowed those good qualities to come forth. List the ways you are uniquely suited to help others in big or small ways. Now think of the actions that bring you a deep sense of satisfaction and meaning. Continue adding and reworking the lists in your journal every day and you will start to distill your understanding of your core strengths to where you will believe in yourself enough to settle down and be able to get deeper insight through meditation and prayer.

The main thing to keep in mind is that this transition you are going through is normal, healthy and even necessary in becoming a mature adult. You’ll get through it and be better off for it.

Love,
Deepak
 

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Comments

Wow. This really helps. I am an international student and I feel the same as this person who is asking from some advice. Deepak`s answer is simple, and yet powerful I believe. I am applying it for my personal life and will love myself more!\nThanks Deepak!
AHMAD ALSUMAIN - January 5, 2013
I have gone through such dark periods before. I use them as opportunities to improve myself in preparation for a better future. try to use the quiet, alone time to work through your weaknesses in a healthy way. as you slowly improve, you begin attracting others. just don`t give up on yourself! xixo
kathy - January 5, 2013
Deepak is right; people may look confident on the outside but lack strength and stability on the inside. Many people have low self-esteem including me, but I have learned to slowly build my self confidence. Follow Deepak`s advice and also try going for walks or jogs, exercise, listen to music... Good luck!
miamore - January 4, 2013
Hello Deepak. \nThis answer is very helpful. I feel that following the steps you have outlined will help many\nThank you\nNamaste
bodhimoments - January 3, 2013
I feel stuck in all areas of my life and I don`t seem to know what I am capable of. How do I know my worth?
Giselle2175 - January 3, 2013
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