October 13, 2022
Ask Deepak

Unmotivated and Lonely.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


Dear Deepak, I am a man in my mid-twenties now, and for many years I have had trouble adhering myself to a job or to a vocation of study, a romantic relationship or a friendship. I am told that my capability for work is high, that I am unusually intelligent, that I am friendly and that should I fully apply myself, I would do very well for myself. There is an expectation on me. Yet, I feel a profound loneliness and lack of motivation most days, as though I am singular in my understanding of the world and there is nobody with whom I can connect. Is working to better oneself in our social structure anything more than spending time on gathering monetary gains, contributing to our unstable economic system and working to one’s own ends? I realize that I live in a world where people don’t seem to see things as I see them. To me, there is something more than being usurped by this construct. My problem lies in living in a world where these laws and constructs don’t benefit the common man. In many ways, I think money is a thing to make us poorer. I often feel separated from my family and friends in that I would be viewed as somewhat a ‘weird’ person. This in itself, I see only as a result of conditioning. Peoples’ conditioning often does not allow them to see past that conditioning. I don’t feel that I am conditioned the same, since I view what we are taught to strive towards in life in the west, as ‘weird’. It makes little sense. To strive forward into a future which is unknown with expectations to outcome, in itself seems a futile exercise in being led by desires, and yet perhaps my inability to do this is based on some deep-seated motive that I may change things by protest. I’m not sure anymore. What I am sure of is that I don’t desire to suffer on my own for any longer. I want to know, how do I reconcile my worldview with others and rid myself of this loneliness and lack of motivation? How do I become a better man? What is it that creates loneliness, and what must I do to feel connected to the world again, as I did when I was a child?


There is much wisdom in your assessment of the shallowness in much of the world’s materialistic values. However, your social isolation seems to have allowed your mind to construct an elaborate rationalization for your feelings of separation. You keenly feel that you are different than others and see the world in a fundamentally distinct way, and that this is the cause of your loneliness. 

In truth, you can be completely free of social conditioning and conventions about money, career and values, and still have close loving relationships with family and friends. Plenty of rugged individuals with a unique spiritual, artistic or visionary point of view remained socially happy, connected and loved. At the same time, there are also plenty of loners who are completely identified with society’s superficial views.

So one’s social personality is a separate issue from your understanding or view on life. In your case, you want to engage with the world, you are just a little afraid it will compromise you. It won’t. Your true self cannot be diminished or devalued by anything or anyone in the world. Be yourself, give of yourself to others and you will find the world gives back in the same spirit. This is how you break that old conditioning that makes you feel limited. If you are in good health, I suggest you get out and volunteer at a shelter or hospital. Connecting to others who need you, is a great way to discover that you need others too.



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