Joyful Prayer and Catharsis.

Question:

Dear Deepak, My specific question is about prayer and before I ask it I just wanted to give you some context. I am currently reading your book “How to Know God” and finding it wonderfully enriching and challenging. I became a Christian 14 years ago and immediately embarked on a very deep and intense spiritual journey with God. My faith has been challenged and has gone through various stages, ultimately with wonderful results and bringing me to new levels. Currently I find that I am not sure that I can call myself a Christian, but I do love Jesus. To put it in the context of your book, I am somewhere between a level 4 and 5 – fluctuating between the two. Many wonderfully encouraging things are happening and I do have an unquenchably positive attitude about life now. However, my question is regarding prayer because I find that my ‘old’ way of praying is really not cutting it anymore – prayers of supplication seem to be somehow vapid, but sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and when I express this out loud and with the passion I feel, it seems to be more authentic somehow. This morning, I was driving in my car – could be dangerous, but I was very much aware of what I was doing, and I mentioned to God that I wanted to talk about my husband. My husband and I are in a slow process of moving apart – we are simply ill-matched – and no sooner had I spoke of him, than I started to make audible noises, sort of low groans, almost like labour pains, which then moved into loud, long shouts and calls.

All I can say is that it felt really good to do it, I was in control of it, i.e. I could stop whenever I needed to, and it was interspersed with what I would refer to as ‘tongues’ but it was incredibly cathartic for me and somehow it felt like it was doing something in the “heavenlies.” I have been very suppressed by my husband and so it could be just a matter of my own self coming to the surface and finding a voice, but I just wanted to ask if you had ever experienced or heard of prayer like this. Could I really be shifting anything with my strange yelling? Or is it simply a catharsis? Thank you SO much for your time and consideration.