May 21, 2019

Guilt over Parents’ Passing.

Quote.

When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.

Question:

Last year my father was suffering from cancer. A malignant tumor had grown inside his stomach. As per the suggestion from the doctors he was operated on. But they could not take out the tumor and was eventually put on life support system. As the doctors did not see any hope of survival (he had a weak heart and could not take the operation) and I was running out of money I gave the consent to take out the life support from him and the he eventually died after two days.

Had the operation been not carried out he could have lived for another one year by chemo etc.

Now I am in a mental dilemma. On one hand I felt it was good that he did not suffer much and died peacefully. Then the next moment I feel terribly guilty that I had the life support removed. This is making my life miserable. I cannot concentrate on the daily trivial work also. My mind is always filled up with this.

This was not the end of all. My mother who was a diabetic died within two months of my father’s death. All on a sudden she suffered from multiple organ failure. Only two months back I spent a lot of money for my father’s treatment and was having no money. This made us shift my mother to a government hospital. She died there within four days. The doctor said my mother’s case was hopeless from the beginning. As these two incidents occurred nearly simultaneously I am in a terrible state of mind. I always think I am the only one  to be blamed and I could not do anything for them though they were my parents who have done so much for me. Please help me Deepak. Please tell me whether I was wrong.

Response:

You did not do anything wrong. You did all that could be asked of a child for their parents when they are confronted with a life-threatening illness. You certainly have nothing to feel guilty about. You had to take him off life-support at some point since there was no hope of recovery, so it is more humane to do it earlier than later. If your parents could talk to you they would assure you that you did the right thing.

It is hard to deal with the loss of one’s parents, and doubly hard when they both die so soon to each other. It’s heartbreaking to review all the past medical details of your mother  when finances had to enter into the decisions, but if the doctors told you her case was terminal from the outset, then even the best hospital and doctors could not have prevented her from dying.  Grieve the loss of your beloved parents with loving memories and the values they passed on  to you. Try not to burden yourself with any guilt.

Love,

Deepak

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