October 7, 2021
Ask Deepak

Dealing with Things You Can’t Control.


When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.


How would you deal with things you “can’t control in life”? After 2 years of evaluating, I finally decided to completely cut off a 7 years old relationship with a close girlfriend and her husband because she is toxic; she is a dishonest, manipulative person that her only source of entertainment is using alcohol, drug, gossip, and causing trouble. They even offered marijuana to my husband! Although my husband agrees that she is a toxic friend, still he insists on continuing to see this couple; he does not respect the fact that it hurts me to see him hanging out with the people that I am trying to avoid or the fact that I hate to see him using marijuana even occasionally ( I am anti-drug). I also feel responsible for allowing these people into my life and don’t know what to do if my husband wants to continue to see them or to use marijuana. Can you please help me to learn how to handle this situation?


Rather than deal with the toxic friend and marijuana topics, I’ll address your first question, “how to deal with things you can’t control.” The truth is there is very little in the world that we can control. And yet most of these things don’t emotionally disturb us. If the weather changes abruptly or a friend gets ill, we recognize that we can’t control those things, and usually we adjust to the situation and move ahead in our life. But there are other uncontrollable situations that aren’t directly threatening, yet we feel upset and unable to let it go. In those case we need to recognize that our interpretation of the action is triggering this reaction inside us, based on some unresolved trauma in our past.

Clearly, your husband’s continuing association with this friend feels threatening to you and your marriage. Look at this honestly and figure out what this perceived threat is about. When did you first feel this way? As you explore what beliefs you are holding on to that are behind the discomfort, you will gain insight into where you need to heal and learn forgiveness acceptance. Once you are able to honor others choices without taking it personally, you will be at peace and will be much more effective in communicating your real concerns.



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