Avoiding Ego-based Decisions.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
In the long form, my question is this; I am at a cross roads in life with regard to what direction I should take on my career (dharma) path. I am in the film business and I am not fulfilled with being on the managerial production side of things. I have finally made a decision to take action on my past desires to direct a movie.
I have been somewhat artistic my whole life but I have never taken any significant chances creatively. As a child I would spend hours in my room drawing or with my nose in some art book. I have been told by others that I have talent but I have a hard time believing that for myself. As a teenager one of my sisters compiled my artwork into a portfolio and took it and me to a nearby University for review at an art college gathering there. I was filled with fear but went along anyway. While there when it came my time to have my work reviewed I literally ran out of the building with my sister giving chase.
In addition, more recently, I have been told by a psychologist with whom I had been seeing for a number of years that because of my intuition, spiritual insight, and the hard work I had done on myself, I could be very helpful to others (I am currently 17 years sober). He suggested that I consider becoming a psychologist and that he would help mentor me to do so.
I know that being of service, especially for me as a “recovered” alcoholic, is very important spiritually (I do my best to help others achieve permanent recovery). I do love aspects of Jungian psychology (the souls journey using mythology and dream analysis). I also do enjoy studying all forms of spiritual faiths and helping others. However, I have a fear that if I were to take that direction I may be denying myself an opportunity to take a risk with the hope of finally feeling challenged and creatively satisfied.
I am forty years old and happily married to a loving and supporting wife. We have two beautiful baby girls. I am satisfied with my family life, however I am drying up inside with respect to my work. My confusion is in the question of desire and what maybe or may not be ego. Should I struggle to try to direct something in order to confront my fears of taking creative risks, hopefully taking the profession I am in to a new more satisfying level or should I leave my current occupation altogether and take the path of a spiritual healer? Where does passion, desire, service and God come into this equation? Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Response:
When you desire to create something and it is coming from a place of enthusiasm, inspiration, joy and fullness within, then it is not ego-driven. That is passion borne of attunement to Nature, your dharma and service to others. If your impetus for change is dominated by feelings of frustration or fear with regarding your present circumstances, then it is more likely to be ego-based.
Another point to bear in mind when contemplating a career change is that your decision is not necessarily simply a matter of deciding which career you are supposed to take. Given what you have described about yourself, I can well imagine that you could provide a wonderful service to humanity in both of those fields, and that you could feel challenged and creatively satisfied with either as well. It could be a matter of timing and sequence of your activity as to how best you can be of service. So rather than think of absolutes about your career choice, simply determine what next step of action is already indicated for you.
Your letter suggests to me that would be Psychology. You have a deep understanding, empathy and wealth of experience you already bring to the area, and a recognition for the needs and what works in the field of recovery. In addition, your own therapist as acknowledged this and has shown his sincerity by offering to mentor you. Those are all significant cues right now that indicate that door is opening for you.
Your creative talents are probably considerable as well, but it didn’t seem to me that this was necessarily the exact moment for them to come forth. You spoke of pursuing directing as a way of confronting your fears of creative risk, and that if you didn’t you were afraid that you would be denying yourself the opportunity of an activity that would be creatively challenging.
This sounds to me like you are motivated in large part by sense of obligation to your self-image as an artistic person—that you should to this now or you will have wasted your talent and will forever regret it. But in my experience, when one is ready to create, it has to come forth. It’s like giving birth it is already happening and you simply participate in that process. Creative drive isn’t facilitated by feeling like you should create something, or that you ought to start making movies or you’ll regret it. When you are ready to move into directing, something will come your way and you will immediately feel taken up in the project and afire with the idea of making it come into being on the screen.
Love,
Deepak
