A Need To Be With Someone.
When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily.
Question:
I am 30 year old single working female, coming from a traditional and conservative family. While growing up, most of the married couples I have seen in my family, even though things seem fine on the surface for them, but I have always sensed lack of fulfillment in their relationships. I have always had this ideal vision of a future partnership, which by no means was perfect, but based on mutual respect, trust and love. I was not willing to compromise this at any cost. I have stood up for myself in front of my family who wanted me to get an arranged marriage at a much younger age.
Lately however, I have been feeling the need for someone in my life. I should also mention that until about 2 years ago, I never felt that need. I was fine being single and never did anything proactive about meeting someone. Also, I have had low self-image about the way I look and had the fear that no one will ever like me on a physical level. I consider myself an intelligent person and don't have any other major insecurities.
This need to be with someone, fear of not being liked and the sense of urgency as I am getting older has put me in sort of a desperate position where in two of my recent short term relationships I found myself compromising the most important things I wanted in a relationship. To a point that I allowed someone to even disrespect me. And this need has taken such a hold of me that I can't focus on or appreciate any other areas of my life. Family and social pressure bothers me all the more now that I feel weak within. I also don't want to keep meeting people in this unhealthy state of mind. Please advise what should I do to come out of this!
Answer:
This desire to find a partner and be with someone is natural for someone of your age. Don’t feel weak or l bad about yourself if you feel this urge is pushing you beyond your ideal vision of partners. Such ideals are almost invariably unrealistic and unhelpful in your heart finding a life mate. The lack of fulfillment you sense in others’ relationships is not because they didn’t hold out for their ideal partner, it’s due to their inability to grow and transform their initial love and attraction into something that transcends the personal traits and qualities of their spouse.
If you want to create that kind of love in your marriage, then you need to know your real worth and beauty that is there inside you regardless of your outer appearance. If you do not appreciate your true nature and value, how can you expect another to see it? Focus on becoming the person you want to be, and you will naturally be drawn to the appropriate partnership.
Love,
Deepak
Thanks. I felt I could relate to this somewhat. I always thought that I needed to find someone who is intellectually, emotionally, and sexually compatible with me. I don`t mind being alone but I do have high standards for a mate. I think the spirit of the advise was not as much to settle for anything but to be less of a perfectionist. People must grow and compromise together to make it work. You might be happy with that guy who works on cars or the guy who doesn`t have all the right moves in bed. Hey, you might teach him some moves.
Joe you are right. Women can also give you a hard time just like men I think that ninety percent of relationships are unhappy. Finding a partner who would understand you who wouldn`t give you shocks is for me like looking for a needle in a haystack. I think that it is better to be single than unhappy with someone who is not able to give you what you need emotionally
To be one`s own soulmate is the step towards a harmonious relationship in which both partners know their own value in their deepest core. They figured out how to live and let live. Most of the time this will happen in the latest stage of one`s life: "old age". If you are lucky to recognize your own inner mate in yourself at an earlier stage all the better. Love yourself unconditionally first, after that love your neighbour like yourself.......