Self-destructive Behavior
Category: Ask Deepak
Question:
I know everything is always as it should be and perfect in every moment when we are aware etc. I help many people to discover their hearts desire and 'dharma' so to speak but yet for myself i am on a secret self-destructive path that i just can’t seem to stop and its silly because i know my soul chose to come here but it surely wasn’t to help others while slowly killing myself in secret with eating problems etc!
I have had bulimic behavior for past 10 yrs. and it’s like a shield for me when it all gets too much i just don’t know how to stop. I know my heart won’t last much longer physically if i keep it up but the weird part is a part of me doesn’t care it’s like i want to go back to wherever i came from. I used to sing, dance, act, travel, and had all this dreams to make inspirational movies, books, music and run retreats and have a huge vegetarian restaurant world music cafe filled with arts, creativity etc! but now i feel nothing. i don’t see anything for me to visualize or do. I don’t feel an inner nudge or pull in any direction and its weird for me as i have always listened closely to my intuition but now i feel nothing. I just don’t want to be here. its like I’ve given up. I just don’t know what to do as there is so many things i could do but don’t know where to start and don’t know how to make myself do it.
Also do you think it’s necessary to leave the environment/town that brings up a lot of past hurt and memories so that maybe will help? To start again and be free? Even though i know and understand the saying 'wherever you go there you are!' I just mean is it easier if you are physically not in the environment that triggers past memories etc?
Answer:
I don’t think you need to leave town to get through this period. The thing to do is get help on healing the root of your self-destructive habits. Don’t worry about what you are supposed to do or feel or what direction your life should move toward. Just work on healing the pain that is driving your bulimia. All your concern for finding motivation in life, or moving elsewhere are simply ways of distracting yourself from the obvious task of healing your old traumas. Make this your sole focus for now, and once you are through this, your next step will be apparent to you.
Love,
Deepak
All comments
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hey, I suggest you read aleph by Paulp Coelho... you like the author of the boo kneed to start your journey...
Zara // 2012-01-31 23:02:01 // 0 Like(s) // -
8yrs ago u dotted the I`s and crossed the T`s when i was busy trying to run, I ran for nearly 30 yrs. I`m almost out the otherside and can now say, no! the grass is definately not greener over the road and it just prolongs the pain if u continue to run. I had the honor of meeting u and had the chance to ask u anything i wanted to, but alas all i cud think to say was i had forgotten my book. Now I can say thank you, ur my hero,,,, :)
Sarah Mclaughlin // 2012-01-31 09:08:40 // 0 Like(s) // -
Bulimia is your last safety mechanism. You hold onto it for that reason. As you said, it shields you from the past. If you want to be free of it, you require two things. 1 - To heal the past 2 - A healthy coping mechansim for any time things get tough at any other time in future The part of you that wants to go back to where you were is signalling you to sort the past out - it knows you won`t be happy no matter what success you have without doing that. Your illness is making your heart sick and that`s the very thing that allows you to give in all the other ways you do, so no wonder it`s not feeling as it should. You can do it - look at all the other things you have done and know that it`s just one more thing you`re going to succeed at. Good luck, Beth, Recovery Coach www.Smyls.co.uk
Recovery Coach // 2012-01-31 06:46:25 // 1 Like(s) // -
I empathize with you :) I too, have tried to explore myself and others in various spiritual ways, understanding emotion, sending love, forgiving, trying to making peace and gain compassion toward myself and others, meditating, and seeking answers whenever possible. Of course, during those times I have found periods of peace, awareness, intuition and love, but still I am plagued by a terminal skin condition, lasting more than 11 years. I have also experienced a point in life when I do not feel motivated to explore anything anymore, that I can`t seem to be interested in pursuing anything in particular. But then I realized that an important element in life is the feeling of excitement, wonder, expansion and discovery. I began to wish for this, and my life started gravitating to things that actually brought excitement and satisfaction in my life. I also realized that behind my terminal condition lies a vague but persistent anxiety. This shows how I`ve stopped practicing mindfulness and self-centering while I interact with others. It may not be a particularly exciting thing to focus on, but I agree with Chopra that I am meant to concentrate on my healing as much as any other occupation/desire I have. As for leaving a particularly painful environment - I believe that whether you leave physically or not, it`s important to leave it emotionally. For me, this means accepting the fact that I am not meant to spend time thinking/being involved in whatever painful situation there is, but to keep my attention/concern inward, to my own peacefulness. I pray for your recovery and release, as much as I pray for my own. Namaste!
Manuela // 2012-01-31 05:17:09 // 1 Like(s) // -
This post and answer spoke to me today as I am currently struggling with an addiction and am thankful for having read it!
Springab // 2012-01-30 18:32:43 // 1 Like(s) // -
I have been there for few years, it was terrible, lucky me i came out of healthy except for erosia on my teeth. Meditation helped me and then i reilized it was chldhood issues for me that made me hurt myself, i felt i could never be good enough. So after time i lerned to love myself in any shape. And by the way i am in the best shape of my life today, and im a former model, I eat well, i don`t thave cravings, I excersise lightly. I promise it its not hard, what you are doing now is much harder. So,stop it!
MD // 2012-01-30 08:22:52 // 1 Like(s) // -
Hi! Thank you for this post. I just went through a very traumatic experience, emotionally, due to a bad relationship. Ever since I have had severe anxiety to the point where nothing felt normal, even my work environment or the local grocery store felt scary. I was literally knocked off balance from this experience and from not following my intuition, which told me to stay away from the beginning. I was forced to face my "demons"... I asked myself how I got here, while beating my already fragile self for allowing myself to get here. It made me feel unsafe... I realized that the relationship was a symptom of my self-destructive ways which were getting to the point where something major had to happen as a wake-up call. I was making myself a victim and not realizing that I have the power to turn my life around, through loving myself. I realized that past traumas where the root of my behavior. The behavior was actually compounding my issues. On top of the trauma, that wasn`t being addressed, I was adding a sense of guilt that was building and building and building due to my behaviors. So I have been trying to discipline myself to not indulge in the behavior and to go into the trauma... journal, tapping, crying, acknowledging... It`s a scary thing letting go of your old ways, but know that you are on the verge of a breakthrough. You are "progressing". You are evolving by realizing that something is not right and you can`t go on like this anymore... I had the same feelings as you regarding not wanting to be here. For a while I wanted to live like a monk. The world can be an overwhelming place, especially for sensitive souls. When so much doesn`t seem right with the world you wonder what`s the point? But you are infinite potential. We can make of this life what we want :) And so much of it does boil down to trauma, which can be released and let go of. Don`t pressure yourself to be anything. Have the intention to release this pain and that`s it. Thanks, Deepak!
SensitiveSoul // 2012-01-30 01:39:14 // 2 Like(s) // -
So grateful for your answer, as I feel we are in a critical time in history where we need to cease seeking outside ourselves for all the "answers", and realize it doesn`t matter where you are. As a matter of fact, we need to bloom right were we stand to not only heal ourselves, but simultaneously inspire others to do the same. Besides, the root of the problem is within, so it wouldn`t matter where one went...
Kriste Brushaber // 2012-01-29 22:21:42 // 1 Like(s) // -
thank you
Forest Sponseller // 2012-01-29 21:22:09 // 0 Like(s) // -
Dear, I have been there... Not for so many years, but still some years. I realized the bulimia was a way of hiding from the real world, finding false peace for a moment, and "cheap" pleasure... I believe the root of all problems is lack of love... And in this case - at least for me - lack of love for myself. We keep blaming ourselves and talking down to ourselves in a way we would never do to our loved ones, and the result is that we wound ourselves. We think words do no harm, and they only will make us try harder, but that´s not true. And it´s not about trying harder, it´s about "being more". And being is about love and truth, letting go of who the world expect us to be. Our heart and soul knows who we are, and we need to listen to what they have to say. You are your own guide and you need to trust yourself. I am a very creative person like you, but I realized I was aiming for perfection and what other people believed to be success, and first of all; perfection has nothing to do with love and only YOU know what success is for YOU. Last of all; you are always loved and you are a treasure for this world with a very special purpose, and you got to see your own preciousness and appreciate it, for there´s no one like you and will never be. And whatever you do; never close your heart! A closed heart is not protected, it´s cold and lonely... Much love, Ragna´
Ragna // 2012-01-29 19:51:35 // 4 Like(s) // -
Somehow, I needed to read both the question and the answer, myself. It is amazing to me how, whenever I am in need of advice, I receive it just the way I need to receive it. Thanks to both the questioner and to Deepak for some great self-evaluation and insight. I will sleep better tonight, for certain.
KtotheEtotheL // 2012-01-29 19:30:46 // 3 Like(s) // -
I have recovered from bulimia myself and would be happy to share that experience with this person. I`m on facebook under this name.
tina_spalding // 2012-01-29 19:19:31 // 1 Like(s) // -
Deepak, your response is so kind and loving....we need more like you...I also struggle with food addiction and your book Reinventing the body & Resurrecting the soul is transforming my life!!! I really need simplicity and you keep it simple and I feel empowered that I can do it...anybody with any challenges should invest in this wonderful material...it has taught me how not to worry about the people, places and things that I have no control over, but to focus more on what I can do....how to get out of being self-centered...and at the same time not be worried about boundaries and fear of peoples, places or things that I have old hurts with...thanks for all you do and your willingness to share it....
Neferka // 2012-01-29 18:43:00 // 2 Like(s) // -
i would like to lost myself in your eyes and sink in your lips.... how can i deal with my crush on u??
i would like to lost myself in your // 2012-01-29 18:29:42 // 3 Like(s) // -
Yes, excellent advice! Stand your ground and fight for your life. I would like to suggest once you get yourself going on the good path again, find some new things to do or hobbies, things which interest you or give you and your life more pleasure and meaning. Life is not all work but it consist of playing too.
Anthony L. Gordon // 2012-01-29 18:27:31 // 4 Like(s) // -
Your story help other people, and that is a lot already! because from you we all learn, thanks Deepak is just what i needed to hear, good luck and love for her and love for Deepak
Sonnia // 2012-01-29 18:17:13 // 1 Like(s) // -
Thank you to the one who posted this question, to Deepak and to Cali, who commented on this post. I am in a similar situation and I agree with Cali, it does take courage to talk about. I have also been going to therapy for at least ten years, trying to discover the "root". I have made some progress, but it`s like so much is gone (that I`ve hidden from myself) or something... still hurting, still self-destructive- and now unemployed and with very little support. "Healing the pain" has been a difficult and illusive task, that I`m still not sure about.. I mean, really, How? (A sidenote- I have a masters degree in counseling, one path I took to subconsciously figure out my pain I think, and to help others- now am burnt out, with debt and can`t find my new path)... Thank you for listening.. And thank you Deepak, for everything.
Erin // 2012-01-29 18:15:03 // 3 Like(s) // -
That was a perfect answer about corrective attempts that are merely distractions and about getting to the root. It`s been my observation that behavior issues in general become more of a problem when the way we address them are not healing from the root cause. It`s like a screaming out for the proper fix, with the screaming becoming louder and louder. Once the core issue is taken care of then nothing from the outside can influence or reinforce the old, unwanted behavior. It also wasn`t what caused it. That tells me that whatever is outside of us that we use as an excuse should be re-examined.
TerryLaBarba // 2012-01-29 18:13:55 // 3 Like(s) // -
This post touched me. It takes courage, even in cyberspace to talk about something so stigmatized. The advice about not needing to leave town is valid, however I myself have found myself hopping all over the world to be far from the place that holds so much trauma for me. I realized that although I learned a lot about myself from these experiences, grew as a person and understood how the world works in greater depth, the root of my pain was always with me. I am currently miles away by land but in my mind, I am still in the middle of it all. Learning that even though the pain I encountered was not my responsibility, yet the suffering that came as a result is all mine has been the hardest truth to accept. We are all works in progress. Good luck to you.
Cali // 2012-01-29 18:02:18 // 14 Like(s) // -
Thanks you for the question and thanks you for that super answer. I was there, maybe for other purpuse but i was exactly there.Thanks again :o)
Sylvie Morissette // 2012-01-29 17:47:10 // 0 Like(s) // -
great advice about finding the root of her behavior.
ronaldfox27 // 2012-01-29 17:45:45 // 1 Like(s) // -
Great answer and good for her for reaching out from this crippling disorder so deeply rooted.
kimberlytoday // 2012-01-29 17:37:34 // 16 Like(s) //
Top comments
Great answer and good for her for reaching out from this crippling disorder so deeply rooted.
kimberlytoday // 2012-01-29 17:37:34 // 16 Like(s) // LikeThis post touched me. It takes courage, even in cyberspace to talk about something so stigmatized. The advice about not needing to leave town is valid, however I myself have found myself hopping all over the world to be far from the place that holds so much trauma for me. I realized that although I learned a lot about myself from these experiences, grew as a person and understood how the world works in greater depth, the root of my pain was always with me. I am currently miles away by land but in my mind, I am still in the middle of it all. Learning that even though the pain I encountered was not my responsibility, yet the suffering that came as a result is all mine has been the hardest truth to accept. We are all works in progress. Good luck to you.
Cali // 2012-01-29 18:02:18 // 14 Like(s) // Like