Not Quitting a Relationship
Category: Ask Deepak
Dear Deepak, I urgently need your help. I am in a very difficult relationship which I believe is worth working on. I am not a quitter and would hate to give up on this so easily. We both have children from another relationship and it is important to me that our children don't witness yet another difficult breakup. My boyfriend is extremely jealous to the point of severe verbal abuse and at times the threat and fear of physical violence. It is becoming more and more difficult to live a normal life. He has eliminated almost all men from my life, by either threatening me or calling my employers/co-workers without me knowing. He is now forcing me to choose between staying with him and attending my niece's birthday party due to being jealous of a male family friend who will be there although my boyfriend is also invited. He often disrespects me by saying I am worthless to him and that he deserves better. He has called me a wh***, bi**h, and used many other horrible words hundreds of times with me. I am a beautiful person inside and out, my line of work involves being in the public eye--marketing/PR and modeling. And it has become more and more of a problem. I know I can get a bit jealous at times, naturally, but I would never tell him he couldn't see his family. I am also able to snap out of it and realize jealousy is unnecessary, but he will go days and days angry, enraged, and hateful towards me! I know there is hope. He does love me very much. What can I do to help him? I don't want to lose everything we've built.
The way that you have listed your boyfriend’s behaviors (abusive language, threatening co-workers, keeping you from your family) it’s hard to see what the good things in the relationship are that you are so desperate to hold on to. Is he great with the kids? A loving partner? A good provider? Nothing like that was mentioned giving me the impression that much of the motivation is to avoid the pain of another separation for your kids and your personal feeling of failure.
Viewed from the outside the situation looks bleak. You are in a field where your success requires you to be attractive to men, and your partners’ weakness is raging jealousy. It doesn’t appear that he wants to get over this, and if he doesn’t want help, there is nothing you can do to help him. If you feel scared that that he could become physically violent at any time as you indicated, then you owe it to your kids to keep yourself and them safe. Separating from him will be a lot less traumatic for the children than keeping them trapped in an angry and dangerous situation where they feel powerless. Also it is completely unacceptable for him to threaten people you work with. That in itself should be enough to show you his thoughts and actions are out of control.
Love,
Deepak
All comments
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Sending Love to you!!// // @davidwerner1974
David Werner // 2012-04-25 18:29:16 // 0 Like(s) // -
At what stage in your life will you believe you deserve better. Being out of this relationship will save you and your children`s wellbeing then staying in it. Believe in yourself and that your deserve to be happy.
faith // 2012-02-26 21:44:09 // 0 Like(s) // -
I dont understand where you see that he Loves you? Take care because you are starting to accept his behaviour. he is trapping you in a spiral of emotional disorder. you will get exhausted of confusing if you stay there in. you are the unic responsible to allow this kind of abuse. Say NO. and demand respect. There are Laws which serves to protect us.Emotional mishandling can hurt more than the physical abuse. please open your eyes. and dont create dependance on sickness and suffering. There is non Love without respect. He dont respect your success. he wants to get you down. and then the game is over. you will be the unic looser. he will not help you to stand up. I am talking you out from experience. cero tolerance to abuse my dear. ok
Valery // 2012-02-19 18:01:16 // 0 Like(s) // -
It is perfectly believable that you did nothing wrong, and your boyfriend abuses you.
bystander // 2012-01-04 15:19:45 // 0 Like(s) // -
You have children from a previous relationship. Now you are on the verge of leaving another. Keep going, until you find a perfect man! You have a overwhelming support on this page.
emmo // 2012-01-04 15:06:34 // 0 Like(s) // -
Your most powerful parenting tool is modeling - not the type you do as a job, but showing them how to live. Not telling them, showing them. You are modeling that it is OK for him to treat you like dirt, disrespect you, threaten you with violence, and that the response to that is trying to love him more? Have you read your own note? Like Deepak, I noted a complete absence of redeeming qualities in your partner. Your partner is completely at the mercy of his ego and his thoughts, and that is a recipe for suffering. Why would you spend one more second with this person? And why would your CHOICE to spend your finite time on this planet in a place of peace and love (with yourself or hopefully with a new partner in time) be anything but honourable? Please take a few minutes to connect with a local shelter for abused women and get some information about how to extract yourself safely from your situation.
Chris // 2012-01-04 08:50:44 // 1 Like(s) // -
Be strong and do what is right for your children. With the support of family and friends, you can be a strong successful single parent family! If you refocus all that energy that you are putting into managing this relationship into productive, loving relationships, your world will shine and your children will be more balanced and mature as a result.
Elizabeth // 2012-01-04 06:46:03 // 0 Like(s) // -
You:I know there is hope. He does love me very much. What can I do to help him? Pardon me, but I got to raise questions. I would ask why do you think your BF should be happy about you? What do you do for him? Do you take care of your BF? I have seen people dying to do something for their boss. Do we have that kind of devotion at home? In what condition does your BF calls you names? You know your BF, don`t you? You must also know yourself. You know what you have to do. It is very easy for a woman to control a man. Any doubt about that? Do you really need advice from outsiders?
quark // 2012-01-04 04:49:39 // 0 Like(s) // -
I believe that he is there merely as a mirror to show you what you are doing to yourself. Abusing, not respecting, not honouring yourself by allowing yourself to stay in the situation. Even if you come out of the relationship, chances are that you attract similar abusive partners unless YOU change. Everything is in alignment. Your situation changes automatically as you change. Either you will no longer be with people who treat you undesirably or same people will treat you differently as you deeply love, accept, respect, appreciate, approve and forgive yourself. Know you are enough and worthy of love no matter what. Blessings on your way.
Mie // 2012-01-04 04:44:12 // 3 Like(s) // -
You say he loves you a lot. My thoughts is actions speak louder than words.
Adrienne // 2012-01-04 04:34:02 // 0 Like(s) // -
Read your lettre as is it was written be someone else
Sylvie // 2012-01-04 03:56:29 // 1 Like(s) // -
You have taken the first step by asking about it. I applaud you for that. My advice would be for you to Get out NOW while you can!! It will only get worse. Take it from someone who has been in that situation. You deserve so much more and better and so do your children. If you stay, your children will grow up thinking this is a normal, healthy relationship and it will continue with them. Break the cycle before someone seriously gets injured or worse....killed. Its hard and scary, but there are people, shelters that will help you and your children. Please seek help!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you all the best.
Nancee // 2012-01-03 23:58:59 // 1 Like(s) // -
To whom wrote this question: Dear girl, I am so glad you asked Deepak for advice on this.This is the first step, to tell someone ,and he is a wise and compassionate teacher!Having been on an abusive relationship myself I know perfectly well how difficult is to leave it behind. Your perception of reality is distorted beacuse of the abuse you have suffered. It is the syndrome of the beaten dog...also called the Stockolm syndrome, the first being the experiment done in the 70s where a dog received electric current charges on different parts of a floor in a cage...he got so used to the electric current coming at different times from different places that he lost any hope and was unable to move...even when the door was open for him to leave! the second is the relationship between the kidnapped and her captor, where she develops feelings for him in order to survive....it is something hard to understand forr someone that has not been there.People used to tell me why dont you leave? I was unable, beacuse after years of verbal abuse I began to believe he was right, and only wanted him not to get angry...what I did not see it was that his anger was his to work with,steming from his own issues, there was nothing I could do! what was helpful to me was to think I did not want my kids to go through anything like what I was going through, neither to listen her mom being treated so badly, for they would grow up to be victims or abusers themselves,and for that not to occur, the only hope they had was for me to get strong enough to leave the relationship behind...so I began to plan my scape...in time I did leave, and I am grateful.In the US there are plenty of help for you to look for , there are web pages to read, there are qualified therapists to help you...reach out and work with yourself for a better life for you and your children.... You deserve the very best, because you are a Divine Being...and help will appear if you show up to look for it,one day the kids will be grateful for this...and you will look back and see how strong you really are, and how sick it was to be there...emotional and verbal abuse leave scars that cannot be seen through the naked eye, but they are there...and they are the door to physical abuse...and sometimes even death..do not let that happen to you!!!You would not let your children to be motherless, would you? wish you the best of luck and Light on the path ahead...Namaste
mepa29 // 2012-01-03 23:26:28 // 5 Like(s) // -
You already told that you don`t want to loose. Just love him more. What`s the big deal in attending the marriage, compared to comforting your partner. Abuse from your husband is a psychological response to his understanding of the situation. Just love him, and actually do something for him everyday. Give comfort. Love returns love. You see, he will do things in return, and things will get better. Even then, life is like that. You will not get 100% satisfaction. Take whatever you are getting, and make it better. I am actually disappointed to see Deepak`s response.
Ranjan // 2012-01-03 23:12:44 // 0 Like(s) // -
I was in that kind of relationship for 13 years for the sake of the children. It doesn`t get any better, only worse. Leave before you suffer physical/emotional//mental harm.
Ruth // 2012-01-03 22:46:39 // 3 Like(s) // -
I need to tell you it will not get better but worse, he is controlling everything you do and say.He has total control of your life, and your children are in a prison of emotions which will erupt sooner or later.. contact womens aid or some organisation that can help you,and advise you accordingly..please as one who has been through this do not wait, you owe it to your family who will totally respect you for it later..life is too precious to waste...look within all the answers are there you just need to act..life will be good again xx
justgonow // 2012-01-03 22:46:08 // 1 Like(s) // -
thank you. so much. i have been in a similarly abusive relationship for just over a year and the past week i am finally emerging from the fog and letting go. Involving my family and close friends in my situation was the only thing that gave me the strength to come to this place. I have been and will continue to focus all of my energy on building my personal strength and self-esteem and self-worth so that I do not attract this kind of man into my life ever again. It is extremely traumatic and extremely difficult to emerge from. Be strong and open yourself to your family and close friends so that they can help you be strong until you are strong enough on your own!!! love, light, and blessings xo
angel amongus // 2012-01-03 22:32:47 // 0 Like(s) // -
I am going through something similar and I can, to an extent, understand how you feel. I am not a model, but a lot of jealousy is involved in my case as well, in a very weird way. ( I am not going to go into my story) I just wanted to tell you that its okay to feel this way. Its normal. Its very easy for someone to say "get out of it` but there are so many dynamics involved. Its true, you`ll be better off without an abusive person around you and you will realize this soon yourself. I have been in this so long I know all the stages. I learnt one thing. A moment comes when you know you must walk out no matter what. If that passes with you ignoring it, you`ll probably never have the guts to leave. That is not a situation you want to be in. Its like living in your own faeces
Daisy // 2012-01-03 17:11:24 // 0 Like(s) // -
Run and don`t look back!
Deb Armstrong // 2012-01-03 16:26:58 // 0 Like(s) // -
This woman and her children are in danger. She needs to understand the behaviors being demonstrated will only escalate. He will do anything to try and control her. This is far, far, far from love and she cannot help him see the errors of his ways.
Tammy Fowler Pound // 2012-01-03 14:13:17 // 0 Like(s) // -
Take care of yourself and your children. It is dangerous for you and your children to stay. It can also be a very, very dangerous time when a woman leaves an abusive (and yes, he is abusive) partner. Please seek some help with making a safety plan...local women`s shelters and domestic violence programs have trained professionals who can answer questions and and guide you in issues of safety (free of charge). You are not safe. While he has not physically abused you yet, all the signs are there and it will happen. He is isolating you, degrading you, and threatening you in order to CONTROL you. You have the right to live without fear for yourself and your children. Love does not control others. Wishing you strength, love, and happiness.
Just Me // 2012-01-03 14:09:31 // 1 Like(s) // -
been there ...it`s not worth it. I left my first husband from abuse and controlling issues. I left with my three children and three trash bags and started a new life for my children. I stayed in safe houses and the whole nine yards to get away from him...it`s just not worth it-you and your children are worth more. Believe that!!!
Louvenia Street-Buie // 2012-01-03 09:21:10 // 1 Like(s) // -
I sympathise with the questioner - it is a good question. I myself am female and in the past I`ve suffered from jealousy myself and also been on the receivning end. The only thing I could add is that I had to come to realise on my own that jealousy can only cause destruction - nobody could really help me see the devastation until I was ready to deal with it myself. Watching someone you love go through the experience of jealousy themselves is also hard. You love him and you want to help him, you want to be kind to him and earn his trust. I really understand this too. However, the way I combatted my own jealousy in the end was in having a partner who simply would not accept it. He sat me down one day and told me that although he loved me, he had done nothing to warrant my jealousy and he would not put up with it. He gave me once chance to change and one chance only. I knew he was serious and that was the moment I started to look into it for myself. The works of Eckhrat Tolle and Byron Katie are really good on the subject, so all I can suggest is that you point him in this direction and leave him to consider it. If he is sensible deep down, then he will realise that jealousy is in the mind, and he can unattach from it. He will also realise how close he is to losing you and hopefully pull his act together for good. Incidentally, I am no longer in the relationship that I mentioned above, but when I left it of my own accord, I was a stronger and happier person, and I still have a close friendship with this ex partner. I will always be grateful to him for not putting up with that behaviour, and I no longer put up with it from myself. I like myself a hell of a lot more now that I`ve combated jealousy. Good luck and sending you good jealousy-beating energy! xx
Frinkle // 2012-01-03 06:21:09 // 2 Like(s) // -
Deepak, there is so much abuse in our society, it needs to be taught in schools about relationships (at a very young age) Signs and warnings!
Diane Belair // 2012-01-03 06:10:53 // 1 Like(s) // -
Run girl, run! Love is not jealous, love doesn`t hurt, love is uplifting not threats. Don`t teach your children that this is ok! Learn to love yourself first, then love will come naturally. Women think they can`t live without a man, myths! Becareful when you leave, can be dangerous, get help!
diane // 2012-01-03 06:09:23 // 2 Like(s) // -
I think the man in this relationship has serious self esteem issues, he seems gravely jealous of the lady. If continues with this relationship, he`ll set a really bad example for the growing up children. Remember, Peace of Mind will make you much happier than an illusionist stability. Part ways with him, slowly.
Vaibhavi // 2012-01-03 05:08:45 // 0 Like(s) // -
Run,don`t walk!!
Gerrey Nardelli // 2012-01-03 04:07:51 // 1 Like(s) // -
Where there is no trust, there is no love. If you love yourself enough you know that you do not deserve that kind of treatment. If he is not willing to get help for his own self esteem issues my advice would be to leave now, you deserve so much more and so do your children. The foundation you seem to have built on appears to be crumbling and falling apart. Just more food for thought. Good luck.
Judy // 2012-01-03 02:51:02 // 2 Like(s) // -
I can hear your despair and you wanting to help your husband. However, he is acting out unconsciously, and you can very hardly speak to unconsciousness. The only response you will get is more unconsciousness, i.e, more ego. It is best for you and your family to step out of this relationship as it is not serving you, and what is worse, harming your family big time. Evelyn
Evelyn // 2012-01-03 02:05:50 // 3 Like(s) // -
It`s very stressful stating with someone like that and yes th anger will only get more out of hand without counseling . After 17 yrs in aplace like that, I moved on.Got out !
Catherine Buckingham // 2012-01-03 01:51:28 // 0 Like(s) // -
Too many fish in the sea to keep a carp...
Catherine Buckingham // 2012-01-03 01:47:27 // 0 Like(s) // -
You cannot fix this relationship. It will only get worse. You should get out and work on loving yourself. I learned this the hard way, don`t do what I did. Best of luck to you!
Kim // 2012-01-03 00:54:36 // 1 Like(s) // -
I agree fully with Deepak`s advice. Also Denise and Mark. This person is not normal, he wants total domination over you. Get out while you can, with your life intact. You owe it to your children, they need you alive, and functioning. Not dead, or beaten up till you are a living vegetable. Good luck!
Mei-wan // 2012-01-03 00:37:36 // 2 Like(s) // -
Hold your head up high,don`t let this man pull you down,I feel your pain,before you make a decision pray alot,I know it`s not easy to be in a situation like this,be strong be very patient.How much more does it take for you to let him go?...ask yourself this.love And light...
Heart // 2012-01-02 23:40:29 // 0 Like(s) // -
Dear Not Quitting: It is with your last statement that I decided to write a response. Your question: "What can I do to help him?" We can not ever change another person. No matter how many excuses we make, this is just not so. We only ever have control over self. My invitation to you is to look within and ask yourself: What makes ME stay? If I was outside this situation looking in, and this was happening to my best friend, sister or loved one, would it be acceptable? Too often we settle for something because we are afraid of being alone. My question to you is, don`t you already feel alone on some level? I know this isn`t the answer you may have sought, but having been in a similar situation once and being a life coach, I can tell you, being alone is better than abuse, control and manipulation. You are a loving, dear child of God and deserve to be treated with respect and love. Blessings to you, KB
Kristen Brown // 2012-01-02 23:22:49 // 1 Like(s) // -
Wow, Just to begin where someone else left off, Make a list of all the positive traits versus the negative ones, then as readers of your current situation selfishly think about the kids first & what they most be experiencing withim ur posdible violate relationship. Its truly important to identify not the risk within ur current situation, but ur idea of a friendly circle of friends upon ur possible exit if you decide on one. Relationships like yours can only be damaging to all children involved and does more damage to the long term emotional psyche of your children that can possibly use the model as a form of communication, which is highly.unacceptable and nonconducive. It scares me to even hear of such a relationship and kids are involved. Suggestion: Maybe you can discuss and allow him to embrace the idea of getting counseling as you transition at of the relationship and itlf he is willing on working on his problem then you can suport him from a distant. Just do not sacrifice the children and your self on what ypu consider "a relationship worth working on". Good luck and truly think about what your saying versus what your experiencing.
Yogi // 2012-01-02 23:10:24 // 0 Like(s) // -
abusive relationship only get worse with time they do not get any better and just tonight I heard a story about a woman`s life that was very close to me and I could not believe what she endured and for how long. we women unfortunately feel bad and responsible for everybody`s behavior and most of the time we excuse it by thinking that we deserve it.
Patrica Pira // 2012-01-02 22:49:34 // 1 Like(s) // -
fascinating
Charms and Crystals UK // 2012-01-02 22:39:55 // 0 Like(s) // -
ASK YOURSELF:WHAT HAVE I LEARNED FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP, IS IT TIME TO LET GO? WHAT IS THE MOST COMPASSIONATE THING TO DO FOR MY CHILDREN, MY PARTNER, MY SELF? IF YOU ARE ASKING THE QUESTION YOU KNOW THE ANSWER. FOLLOW YOUR HEART IN TO YOUR BLISS. LET GO OF THAT WHICH IS NO LONGER USEFUL. ABUSE IS NOT LOVE. GIVE YOURSELF SOME REAL LOVE AND MOVE ON.
LUZA // 2012-01-02 22:32:33 // 1 Like(s) // -
I was in THIS relationship. This exact relationship, well, minus the kids. I know it`s difficult to believe a man would let a woman treat him this way, but I did. I was alienated from friends and family (half her doing, half mine as a result of my obsession with her), I was under her thumb perpetually, She was abusive in every possible way, and I kept convincing myself that there was hope. That she loved me, that we were meant to be and the relationship was worth saving. I snapped out of it when I`d finally taken enough and realized I was worth so much more. Six years later, I have graduated college with honors, I am in a good job in my field, I have my friends and family back, and above all, I am married to a WONDERFUL loving woman who is the most beautiful part of my life...NOT CONTROLLING EVERY PART OF MY LIFE. We have a new home and a happy life. Quit trying to force a square peg into a round hole and put the value on you. I promise you this will only get worse until you rid yourself of it. Deepak hit it on the head, but I speak from experience. You can never win this. You can only win for you. It`s impossible to run a race when you are chained to the starting line.
Dan // 2012-01-02 22:29:53 // 1 Like(s) // -
Gurl you deserve better and so do you`re children! Cut your losses now and get out of there!!!
Ronnie Kaminski Latimer // 2012-01-02 22:24:34 // 0 Like(s) // -
What are you building but a prison for yourself. He is making sure you have no one in your life to call for assistance. He is a sick man. Run, change the locks............
Sue B // 2012-01-02 21:46:46 // 3 Like(s) // -
This is a scary and dangerous situation because he does not love you. He resents your success, wants to see you destroyed and you are falling in his trap! If you stay with him, he will eventually hurt you physically. If you go, you`ll need to be strong and forceful and maybe have family help. Let him know you are not scared and you are willing to go to extremes to protect yourself. Love does not involve disrespect nor abuse. Good luck!
Francine // 2012-01-02 21:46:33 // 0 Like(s) // -
By staying with this man you are giving him (and his and your children) the message that this is the treatment you deserve... You are worthy of respect such as comes from a healthy source of love, like, love and respect yourself and you will know that you are worth so much more than this. Save yourself, and crucially, your children from the inevitable long term emotional and possible physical harm from being either emotionally or physically caught in the middle. Seek help from friends you can trust or a local women`s aid group who can support you through any difficult decisions you have to make. Psychological and emotion abuse such as this is domestic violence and can be more damaging than physical violence. Please take care!
Cat // 2012-01-02 21:36:49 // 1 Like(s) // -
I too knew someone in such a relationship. Like your boyfriend, that man too was loving but extremely jealous and unreasonable. His family had a history of mental problems. Later on when the woman (who suffered at points, extreme low self esteem, got out of the relationship, she was much relieved to have a normal life. But one of her kids did try some of the blackmail techniques that he`d seen this guy get away with (threatening to leave) and also tried to be abusive to the mother. So, as Deepak says, get out of this relationship. It`s not good for your children OR you........
Concerned person // 2012-01-02 21:36:24 // 0 Like(s) // -
I know you don`t want to breakup because you have invested your time and energy in this relationship. You also don`t want any life changing event for eachother`s children anymore. But, if you want your children to grow up to become respectful, healthy, and in loving environment the best thing to do is to separate from what`s making you unhappy. Or else, they too will grow up with low self-esteem and copying yours and your boyfriend`s behavior. And that is worst thing you can do to them. I do suggest for both of you to go to therapy to find out why you do what you do. I also believe you know what`s best for you. It`s just a matter of doing it. Sending love and hugs your way.....
Brenda // 2012-01-02 21:35:21 // 1 Like(s) // -
The time you are spending trying to FIX this unfixable situation would be better spent planning to get you and your children into a safe environment where you can be free of the tension and dysfunction this relationship is creating. Kids are smart and they are counting on you to protect them from harm. Love doesn`t hurt, it nurtures and supports. What message are you sending them by staying in a situation where you are being abused? Sending you light and love.
Deb // 2012-01-02 21:25:18 // 1 Like(s) // -
I would encourage you, to ask yourself, why your staying in this relationship. Why are you allowing this person to treat you and dishonor and devalue you? Ask yourself.. How is his behavior showing love? Why would anyone stay with someone who verbally abuses them? What are you getting from this relationship? It appears that your feeling this way-and he is confirming your beliefs. I encourage you to use this relationship and to self reflect and then REBUILD your self worth. When you believe you are worthy, and you love yourself, I believe you will not be in this kind of relationship.
Tia // 2012-01-02 21:18:59 // 0 Like(s) // -
You are in a domestic violence relationship. It will get worse and it will get more dangerous. Nothing you do will make this guy happy. He sounds like a domestic violence perpetrator and probably was in past relationships. Call a local domestic violence shelter and talk with a counselor....they will help you plan a safe exit. Your children must be your priority. It is better for them to endure a break up rather than witness the abuse. I see nothing good here and it is frightening to look into your future. Been there, done that and now I am a therapist for DV victims/survivors. Get out. I know it is not as easy as it sounds, but you must understand your priorities very clearly. You and the kids are the priority.
Linda // 2012-01-02 21:18:28 // 1 Like(s) // -
Get out!!!
Mildred // 2012-01-02 21:10:25 // 2 Like(s) // -
a close friend of mine tried that and it ended in her murder and his suicide. you need to love certain people from a safe distance...
Miranda Frayseth Aulie // 2012-01-02 21:07:41 // 0 Like(s) // -
I know it seems hopeless and that somehow this is your failing, if you leave your abusive boyfriend. But that is precisely what he might want you to think. Abusers feed on fear. Please trust me when I say, you are not failing anyone or anything by leaving, in fact, it is quite the opposite. Take heart, all will be well in time. But Just LEAVE. Before you or your babies get hurt. Bless you.
Zohra // 2012-01-02 21:03:41 // 1 Like(s) // -
The divorce between two people is often the best that can happen in a stagnant/conflicting relationship. It is an huge opportunity for the evolution of each individual. Thereza Artemisa. Life Coach.
Thereza Artemisa // 2012-01-02 21:00:17 // 0 Like(s) // -
RUN RUN RUN!!! your children should be your top priority,and also your healthy mental state to take care of you and them,please get out,there are a lot more men who would love to be with a woman who is loving .Someone who loves you doesn`t make you cry,or stops you from being who you are ,they lift you up and let you fly
Shabbychic // 2012-01-02 20:57:20 // 2 Like(s) // -
You`ll never find the right person if you never let go of the wrong one. For your own safety and your children you should get out of this relationship. Do not feel that you failed. Be thankful for this experience as it showed you what kind of relationship you DO NOT want. Get ready for a real love and it will knock on your door sooner than you think. There is no reason for you to be stuck in a toxic relationship. You are beautiful inside and out and you will draw beautiful soul into your life.
Sylwia // 2012-01-02 20:53:14 // 1 Like(s) // -
its easy to just dump someone that is not the loving thing to do, that is not what humans who are in touch with god do, now if you are in love with your own ego then yes its easy to just get rid of someone? ask yourself this am i perfect? has anyone ever helped me a long the way? have i ever had guilt? etc etc, when you can help someone even against your own egos doing , that shows a true sign of love imo
Matthew Collette // 2012-01-02 20:52:32 // 0 Like(s) // -
help him as a friend but tell him we can no longer be involved in a romantic way and maybe go to therapy with him, and if he changes and gets to the point where he can actually love himself then maybe give it another try
Matthew Collette // 2012-01-02 20:50:12 // 0 Like(s) // -
Well said , Deepak, well said. I agree.
Chris Tait // 2012-01-02 20:50:09 // 0 Like(s) // -
I loved how you expressed your concern, Deepak Chopra! I have a feeling he would become like she expressed despite the job she has. I used to be an advocate in a women`s shelter for abused women, and what she discussed are precursers to abusive behaviors that become physically dangerous. Thank goodness she asked you! I hopes she listens.
Donna Duncan // 2012-01-02 20:45:48 // 1 Like(s) // -
Run... don`t walk. Get out now. Great advice! I agree fully.
Jana Jackson // 2012-01-02 20:42:52 // 0 Like(s) // -
Please get out of this relationship, take control, and tell him why "YOU don`t want to be with HIM"... don`t give him the opportunity to tell you it`s the other way round. Actually, if you could see clearly, you are losing nothing. You speak about "losing everything you`ve built" - and yet in reality what "exists" is a hugely disfunctional, abusive relationship with no respect. Apart from anything else, that is no example for any children. We keep ourselves in disrespectful, disfunctional relationships by choice - because we alone "LET" ourselves stay in them. You have to realise that you have a choice - you always do - and I hope you have the strength to see it and do something about it (ie: leave) and also to stick by that choice. Sending you strength and clear vision... let 2012 be your year for YOU and the children alone.
Rosemary // 2012-01-02 12:26:06 // 0 Like(s) // -
You absolutely must break up with this man. It must not be ok with you that he is abusive. This is not expression of love, love is loving and caring. Don`t mistake abuse for love. He needs time on his own to figure out his feelings and reasons he wants to hurt you. But this is not your problem it`s only his. I know it`s difficult, I`ve broken up 4 times this year with the man that is emotionally abusive, I keep going back when it seems he wants to do better, but it is not working it`s always something else -some reason where I come second. That`s not good. Love Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Marina // 2012-01-01 08:19:42 // 1 Like(s) // -
i see you talk about having jealousy yourself. Many of us are attached to others in a way that their actions and words cling to us no matter how hard we try not to focus on them. Its your subconsious fear of losing another relationship thats holding you back. Easier said than done, you have a way out.. You are a beautiful person yes. you are and no none deserves your love than yourself . you dont have to stay in self abusive patterns . its a choice. you know the consequences either way, you can decide to leave any moment. You might be avoiding taking responsibility for your life i know how it feels. Everything is a process, keep working on yourself as you already thinking and writing for opinion. Itll take you sometime to learn teh lesson this issue is teaching you. Im with you in spirit. Take the leap and teh net will appear !
Fatima // 2012-01-01 06:54:56 // 0 Like(s) // -
Please Do Not confuse jealously with love. Abuse of any kind is Not Love. Jealousy is born of deep rooted fear, not ever from Love. However, many people are happy to get any attention, be mindful you are not somehow comforted by this and if so, why would you be comforted by any type of relationship, including abusive and threatening. The children will not be safe from this behavior and will see more and more of it as they get older. And as many have already suggested, allowing him his behavior only enforces it. Peace and Love !
Jonathan // 2011-12-31 13:21:27 // 4 Like(s) // -
Please leave. Now. Do not even contemplate it further, just do it, for your own and your children`s good. The guy has major issues you cannot and are not responsible for helping him with. This won`t be the only relationship you will have and believe me, children are resilient when all you give them is love.
Josie // 2011-12-31 08:23:49 // 1 Like(s) // -
When you love someone you don`t hurt that person.
Ana // 2011-12-30 13:15:27 // 2 Like(s) // -
To the person who wrote that question.... Do you think you would be loving yourself by being next to someone abusive? Do you think that`s love? I think that`s attachment! Work on your self esteem and these kind of people won`t be in your life any longer! And please..protect your children from someone like that...children watch..and then they copy..this is not a safe environment for them to grown up in. Ask yourself this....if a friend of yours, comes with this problem..what would you say to her? would you advice her to stay in an abusive relationship?..Think about it!! Good luck!
Denise // 2011-12-30 12:39:53 // 53 Like(s) // -
It is a blessing that you had the courage and wisdom to seek help with the situation. I pray you heed the wise responses from Deepak and the commenters.
Ron // 2011-12-30 10:44:17 // 2 Like(s) // -
Please, leave this relationship now. Get help and support if you need it. You have just listed all the major warning signs for physical and emotional abuse. I will be thinking of you. Be couragous, listen to your inner Self. You already know what you need to do. Sending you love and peace
Robin // 2011-12-30 05:12:24 // 3 Like(s) // -
Get out of this relationship as fast as you can. It will only get worse.
Mark // 2011-12-30 03:42:00 // 38 Like(s) //
Top comments
To the person who wrote that question.... Do you think you would be loving yourself by being next to someone abusive? Do you think that`s love? I think that`s attachment! Work on your self esteem and these kind of people won`t be in your life any longer! And please..protect your children from someone like that...children watch..and then they copy..this is not a safe environment for them to grown up in. Ask yourself this....if a friend of yours, comes with this problem..what would you say to her? would you advice her to stay in an abusive relationship?..Think about it!! Good luck!
Denise // 2011-12-30 12:39:53 // 53 Like(s) // LikeGet out of this relationship as fast as you can. It will only get worse.
Mark // 2011-12-30 03:42:00 // 38 Like(s) // Like