Family Ties and Forgiveness
Category: Ask Deepak
In forgiveness, I ask the following; Once you have forgiven people (family) who have hurt you, caused trauma, never let your past go, and does not embrace the new you, is it wrong to not want these toxic people in your life? I have tried every which way to amend the damage that my family has caused me, but I see that it is a toxic cycle and they are the ones who are not willing to change.
Answer:
If your family members are that unresponsive to your overtures of forgiveness and moving on, then certainly after some time it makes sense to seek some separation. I’m not sure you need to go on record and announce that you are cutting all ties with them, but if there is no growth or mutual recognition there, then it’s fine to take some time apart.
But if you had fully healed and forgiven the pain of that relationship, you wouldn’t feel the need to ask if it was okay. Clearly there is something inside you that is holding on to the hope that they will see the light and accept you for who you really are. Accepting yourself completely means that you can allow others to see you however they choose without it making you feel bad. So work on being okay with yourself just as you are, forgive yourself for not living up to impossible ideals. Once you have become completely comfortable with yourself from the inside out, then you will naturally take whatever steps you need with your family.
Love,
Deepak
All comments
-
I also would like to share that I healed my relationship with my mother through praying and seeing in her the Love of God, and tremendeous changes happened. I only can thank God for this. now she is 82 years and I see her with glance of happiness in her eyes when she sees me. What I mean is we have to give the place to God and he will show us the direction, and restore the truth essence of a relations. some relations are such deep in us that we can not take them away. they will continue with us in our life. and it is important to give God the place to heal it when we are unable to do it. also my mother certainly was able to ask for forgiveness, When there is honesty and pure intention whatever relation can be healed. we need to pray for those who hurt us. as much as we pray for ourselves.
Valery // 2012-02-19 16:32:25 // 0 Like(s) // -
I suppose it is honest to step away from the one who hurts us, until we are able to stand near them without being hurt. at the same manner we need fresh and healthy food to nurish us., so we need also a good atmosphere of relationship to grow in harmony. But as Dr. Deepak said., first within us. I had to leave my family., but I had to do it to be able to be myself. I will always love them . but I do have non obligation to be hurt without any reason. and spending my all life in feeling guilty for something I have not done. all this is temporaly. nothing is permanent.
Valery // 2012-02-19 15:59:39 // 0 Like(s) // -
I grew up in Middle East in a culture that you always stick with your family. No matter what they do and how they live their life, your are bound to stick with them and support them because THEY ARE FAMILY. My parents and sister were very destructive in my life and I always wanted to be the good duaghter, the good sister and be there for them. After my father died 10 years ago, I realized that I can`t let my mother and sister abuse me verbally and emotionally all the time. It came to a point that it was hurting my children and I had to put a stop to it. Logic and reasoning doesn`t work with poeple who have depression and want to feed their pain body (as Ekhart Tole says) constantly. I got tired of my mother and sister blaming my husband for not letting me see them. They didn`t want to accept that I don`t want to see them and be near them. I am the one who doesn`t want them near my children. I had to completely cut off contacts with both of them because they just wouldn`t take me seriously about keeping a healthy distance. So for the past 2 years, my family is living peacefully and I have no guilt what so ever. Do other friends and family members judge me? All the time, but i am in a place that I really don`t care. I tell them what I`ve done is very courageous and that they have no idea what I was going through. Most of the time, family and friends will get to understand my point and apologize for interfering. Others, I simply don`t care about what they think. My peace is priceless. May everyone in the world live in happiness and peace.
Pardiss // 2012-02-02 11:25:47 // 0 Like(s) // -
You need to google Psycopath and other personality disorders. i.e.narcissict..This is vital in understanding the types of people we live with and who we are ourselves
ethereal5115 // 2012-01-08 14:19:42 // 0 Like(s) // -
I have struggled for many year with this. I am glad this blog appeared before me today. I really needed it!
Fantasy // 2012-01-07 11:39:52 // 0 Like(s) // -
My advice to you, and to myself: If the people in your life can’t relate to you in a sane, loving way, create a new family. See the closeness of those who do respond well to who you really are. They could be among your friends, your work or volunteer associates, a spiritual group or even just people you have contact with out shopping or walking around your neighborhood. Create a family in your heart and mind that consists of people you admire.
rmarie // 2012-01-07 05:26:56 // 2 Like(s) // -
I cut the ties from my large family over 20 years ago. It felt natural to do that, they mentally and emotionally abused me from as far back as i can recall, i was the youngest, they should have looked after me and guided me, i ended up on the streets homeless at 16 yrs of age .I cannot be around my family the negative energy is overwhelming and instantly puts me back in child mode, i have been in and out of recovery for 17 years an done lots of inner child work.Ialso have zilch in common with my family and they are just the same as they`ve always been. They also infect their own children with the same dis-ease, another reason i can`t bare to be around them, it truly is a vicious cyle.
bluecat // 2012-01-06 21:01:53 // 0 Like(s) // -
I`m going through a similar situation right now. I have forgiven the person and moved on. But it seems as if they haven`t forgotten what they have done to me, just because they always have something negative to say when we cross paths. It`s apparent to me that the way they have treated me is truly eating them up inside. Sometimes I want to tell the that everything will be okay and that I forgive them, but I feel as though their problems are much more deeply rooted and that my words won`t impact how they are feeling. So I choose not to say anything and try my best to avoid them.
S.B // 2012-01-06 20:04:37 // 0 Like(s) // -
Once I tought, that I had forgiven to one person of my family. She had hurt me so much, and after 3 years, without talking to her,we decided to start from begining. But often I think about what happened, and I think that could never forgive her. I would like but I can`t forget. I`m figthing, to exceed this situation but I can`t take off of my mind.
Manuka // 2012-01-04 11:17:44 // 0 Like(s) // -
I had similar situation. My first stage was of separation from all that I felt was negative. As time progressed, I realized that anything that separates is not love. If I come from a place of love, there will be acceptance of everyone in my life as these people are. Ability to forgive is progression towards healing. Once a person of fully healed, there is no need to separate from others. Even those that seemed negative at one time.
Bobby // 2011-12-18 22:17:55 // 1 Like(s) // -
Let go and let god. Toxic people don`t change...you must change how you react and hows you allow their behavior to affect you. The change has to be within "you". Move on mentally and emotionally for a healthier "you".
Neibra // 2011-12-15 22:40:34 // 3 Like(s) // -
Being a relative does not give the right to anybody to hurt you. Let them go!
Ana Martinez // 2011-12-15 13:29:07 // 1 Like(s) // -
I thank you for asking this question, and I thank Deepak for his insightful answer. This is a subject I have struggled with for years and one that I have tried to "work" through on a regular basis. Several minor physical afflictions manifest themselves as a signal that I still have not completely accepted myself. I wish to lighten this burden of mine so that it can lighten yours. This is why I meditate on a twice daily basis. ACIM also inspires me to transmute my need to expiate my so-called sins, lacks or insufficiencies. Blessings to all
Gabrielle // 2011-12-15 13:22:24 // 0 Like(s) // -
Can you describe it further
Manjula Gandhi // 2011-12-15 07:53:54 // 0 Like(s) // -
Thanks you ...I`m sorry to hear that Marina and Gwynn, but it does feel comforting that I am not the only one who comes from a dysfunctional and toxic family. I do feel better keeping a distance from them, however, yes I would like to be part of a family. I have realized that I rather be healthy mentally, and emotionally. I had to jump off the Hamster wheel and finally jump off that cycle. I am working on healing because even after I have forgiven them my pain and hurt is still there.
Andrea // 2011-12-15 07:08:50 // 0 Like(s) // -
to b more evolved u must love them from a stand point of -they dont know what there doing
Healing Journey // 2011-12-15 06:31:23 // 0 Like(s) // -
thanks deepak...
Shailen Bridglal // 2011-12-15 03:36:15 // 0 Like(s) // -
Thank you so much for your wisdom and knowledge it means alot to me.
Martha Lopez-Perez // 2011-12-15 01:08:10 // 0 Like(s) // -
It took me a long time to fully understand that it was not my fault that I was born in a highly dysfunctional family...years of therapy, inner child work, anger work....finally I realized that the only way of stepping off that "stage" was to come to full acceptance of my own inner radiance..from that embrace extending forgiveness was a simple step. Then, I also realized that I did not need their acceptance any longer,as long as I had my own...i am ok now in telling my parents that I love them from a distance..a whole ocean of distance: they live in Italy and I live the dream of my own empowered life, in Vail Colorado!! Amen xoxoxo
Simone // 2011-12-15 00:36:48 // 1 Like(s) // -
People do need positive affirmation and reassurance when leaving toxic environments. Healing is an ongoing process when the wounds have been over a long period of time.
Ruth Ann Keys // 2011-12-14 22:34:39 // 0 Like(s) // -
I was in this situation when I divorced. My family was awful to me. I was mindful of what Jesus said as he hung on the cross, "father forgive them for they know not what they do". I continued on with my life and tried to be loving and I stayed away when things got toxic but I never responded out of anger. This was hard but I received the grace to do it. Today all is forgotten. I think my actions stirred fears in them. Big brother let them down. I needed to forgive myself first. No doubt my actions hurt many. I wish you the best. Every situation is different. I think the answere will come if you open your heart in the quiet. Don
Donald // 2011-12-14 21:38:42 // 3 Like(s) // -
I`ve learned to thank those who have hurt or scorned me...they brought me to learn I have greater strengths than I ever knew...to the point where I now see their insecurities and actually feel sorrow for them...ü.
Stephanie Schlegel // 2011-12-14 21:10:46 // 2 Like(s) // -
This came to me right on time. Thank you.
Shannon Stevens Sawyer // 2011-12-14 20:07:31 // 0 Like(s) // -
I had this problem most of my lifea(both members are now dead). I endeavoured to keep on good terms and also keep my own counsel., removing myself if things became too intolerable, it was very difficult at times but i felt better thinking I was doing the right thing. As my mother aged we seem to find common ground and the last thing she said to me was" you are awonderful , wonderful girl" as I stayed with her until she died. I do feel more peace knowing I tried.
Andrea // 2011-12-14 17:52:10 // 1 Like(s) // -
I went through the same thing. You try, you struggle, but you are only elongating the process. It hurts to know that those are closest to you are not there for you. Start over!
Brian L. // 2011-12-14 17:03:38 // 0 Like(s) // -
You seem pretty hurt. This is all about you though, not about them. You should let go.....
Adriana Behr // 2011-12-14 17:02:19 // 0 Like(s) // -
Family! YOu can`t live them, you can`t live without them.
Comar L // 2011-12-14 17:00:48 // 0 Like(s) // -
are these things they`ve done or said so important, so above our ego to really don`t talk to them?! We are all humans, we`ve all made mistakes, words are only words and I think life is too short to be so... "cabezota"
Monika Sokolowska // 2011-12-14 16:44:43 // 1 Like(s) // -
It´s very true
Crispy Araiza // 2011-12-14 15:27:56 // 0 Like(s) // -
I cut ties with my father he has nothing good to say about me always critize never positive.enough is enough!
Irene Antoinette Louw // 2011-12-14 15:27:52 // 0 Like(s) // -
Appreciate this format...
Patricia Lee // 2011-12-14 15:19:51 // 0 Like(s) // -
Yes, it is okay not to have contact with your family if all they do is drag you back down to their level. You have to realize that you do not deserve to be influenced by negative behavior. All that does is eat away at your soul and causes you to doubt yourself. Just know in your heart that you are doing the right thing by not keeping up contact with your family. Surrounding yourself with positive influences will benefit you tremendously, so allow yourself to go there instead.
Mark // 2011-12-14 15:06:48 // 0 Like(s) // -
What do you do when you understand, but are still hurt by the deception from the one closest to you. I want to forgive but am not feeling it...
Matthew Deene Dauble // 2011-12-14 14:59:03 // 0 Like(s) // -
thanks deepak always you are deep :) it fits me perfect sadly. let me reflexion with u this words.
Marianaxzc Spears Jackson // 2011-12-14 14:48:50 // 0 Like(s) // -
Yes true, but I`m not sure that the writer isn`t fully OK with herself. It`s understandable to want people to see you as you see yourself - especially when they are family and are only able to see you through their negative lens. Maybe to reframe, rather than to forgive yourself for not living up to impossible standards, think of it as: forgiving others for their need to hold others to an impossible standard.
Joanna // 2011-12-14 14:31:48 // 0 Like(s) // -
As a large family we are all embracing change. We have all been supportive of one another and learning. I found it easier when you remove expectations from family and realize they are doing the best they know how. In their presence you can create change with no words. When they are negative, act as though they said nothing and they will question your response and become more aware of their words. I have seen this as a spiral effect in my family and great change because of it. Your families issues could be generations deep, you cannot change that but you can create change today. Best wishes, love and healing.
Kristy P // 2011-12-14 14:14:35 // 1 Like(s) // -
Thank you Deepak it served me so good today while I said goodbye here
Malaica Valiente // 2011-12-14 13:12:42 // 0 Like(s) // -
I needed to read this today. I am currently in the midst of a family crisis. I walked in on my father molesting my 3 year old son. I called the division of family services on him and reported it. Currently my mother is siding with him. My mom and I have always been close and I feel abandoned by her. Now I have not only lost my father, but my mother, and along with that an extended family that I cannot see over the holidays because we are in the midst of this crisis. Right now I am taking things day by day but wonder if we will ever be reunited as a family again, and if that is even something that I want.
Petunia // 2011-12-14 13:01:19 // 0 Like(s) // -
Love thy neighbor (family-member) as thyself. Yes! It always starts `at home`... <3
Elisa Hatch // 2011-12-14 12:26:10 // 0 Like(s) // -
You can forgive Deepak, but definetely things are never the same if that person told you thinks that hurt you very much.
Adriana Antillón // 2011-12-14 12:25:56 // 0 Like(s) // -
This is such a good question, I go back and forth about a few relationships, not family but people I did consider family of choice (friends) and wonder if letting them back in to my life is appropriate after they hurt me very badly, even though a few months later they both came to me and apologized. I fully forgive them, I definitely accept myself, but I don`t feel the need to rekindle those friendships. There are days when I wonder if I`m wrong. But I don`t see what benefit would come of it... so my additional question would be, should I stop beating myself up about not flinging my heart open again to these 2 people as if nothing happened? I feel complete about it all, but they keep reaching out to me and clearly want to reconnect.
Dhyana // 2011-12-14 12:17:38 // 0 Like(s) // -
if one is able to look @ the situation lopsided it might make sense. The hard lessons we receive from the insensitivity of our families is actually and spiritually speaking a way of the universe to push you to contemplate deeper about life and look for ones purpose. otherwise we would have refrained from living our purpose or atleast postponed it we can forgive our families only when we seem to touch our own essence,we can only move on once we our comfortable in our own skin
anoop kumar // 2011-12-14 12:08:31 // 2 Like(s) // -
Once a person changes, the other people in thier lives have no choice but to change the role they had towards the person. Some people even family can get locked into getting used to the role they had when negative behaviors were taking place. They bring up the past and have a hard time letting it go. The past is the past, it is gone. If they are not ready to let go of the past and move on do not let it bring you down. Once you clear up your side it is up to them to clear up thiers.
Lora Nelson // 2011-12-14 12:07:52 // 1 Like(s) // -
Perhaps I should make the point of people who are not actually related to you, but who continually put themselves in your "space" because it benefits them. Who see you as a means to an end, or a block to their own future. These people are malignant persons who should never whom you should never be forced to tolerate.
Carol Wells // 2011-12-14 12:07:46 // 0 Like(s) // -
I believe that some of us have family members who would, and have harmed us. I believe that stepping back, forgiving, healing and protecting your future are healthy. There are people that commit child abuse, sexual abuse, and emotionally blackmail their siblings, parents and children. The first step to healing is seperating the perp from the victom. Change is possible with healing, but you should not feel guilty keeping a distance from anyone that would continue to harm you in any way. Deepak has been fortunate in his family ( call it Karma), some of us have not been when it comes to family ties. So, Take responsibility for your part in the situation, the need to heal what brought this into your life, but do not allow another individual to harm you, no matter who it is. Family can be anyone that your heart is at home with...we are all family...the family of mankind. No one is all alone...ever!
gwenspens // 2011-12-14 12:06:31 // 0 Like(s) // -
Def hits a nerve. Didn`t know how to deal with a person that insults and puts down my whole being. Constantly negative and judgmental. Attacking everything I am and everything I do .Ive chalked it up to their own self doubt. I`ve chosen separation for the time being and it`s working out well. I like who I am and that`s all that matters. There is still limited contact , not by me, although very brief. I`m really all set and don`t need that in my life.
AliciaandDerek Dean // 2011-12-14 11:52:57 // 0 Like(s) // -
I didn`t see my father for a few years and it worked. Stepping out of the situation gives you the ability to oversee it, to grow stronger and to set up new bounderies. I saw my father again when my mum was very sick and for the first time in my life I had the feeling that it was me who could controle the situation and I did. I could talk to my mum and ignore him or say something and he got the message. He never tried to put me down again. It was me who had changed and he responds to that! :-)
Marjan Scholten // 2011-12-14 11:51:19 // 1 Like(s) // -
Works for metoday,wish there was a share button
Max Tavolacci // 2011-12-14 11:30:18 // 0 Like(s) // -
I think there can be a happy medium. Once one has understood the situation, how it affects them, learnt from it, practiced the art of compassion and forgiveness, not neccesarily to forget, then perhaps there is room for these people to be around. Perhaps we can change our expectations of these people. Just because someone is related, is it ok to expect Love, Respect and Tenderness? Sometimes that are not capable at that time, or choose not to offer it. If we can have our own love, Kindness and tenderness from within, it becomes easier to be aorund these people as we need them less and less. I found it very useful for my own personal growth to experiement with offering love and compassion to people even in the eye of the storm. Not just for them, but also because it represented my self in the light in which I wish to be viewed.......conflict offers us so much....
Amy @ Landmark Living // 2011-12-14 11:27:52 // 2 Like(s) // -
once again a question I had in mind, glad you`re answering them :-)
Trudy Ramsamooj // 2011-12-14 11:20:47 // 1 Like(s) // -
Once the people who hurt you are not in your presents anymore! That`s when the real work begins! Cause now you could clearly see your own obstacles you give yourself! Never stop growing! And always challenge your self! Mentally and physically!
Juan Lopez // 2011-12-14 11:16:10 // 0 Like(s) // -
My problem for sure, letting people know for the record, thinking I`m being honest and fair. Thinking I will receive love and attention by falling short of my own desires in life of what kind of treatment I find acceptable, because I still want and need their acceptance."sick"! I must be true to myself and respect others who are being true to themselves which might mean keeping some distance from them. Your reply makes total sense, thank you :) ugh, all this work makes me tired!
Amelia Elisabeth Beaton // 2011-12-14 11:13:42 // 0 Like(s) // -
Deepak, your response reminded me of one of the main points in your Book of Secrets... which is to illuminate the dark places. Seeking true answers to what may be causing us frustration and confusion is the best way to tackle such obstacles. The key is to be ready to face the answers. In this case, that was the fact that this person may not be as comfortable with themselves as they perceive themselves to be... a common issue we all face.
Akshay Mehrotra // 2011-12-14 11:10:03 // 0 Like(s) // -
I truly believe family is a circle of caring. Sometimes, through no fault of your own, your family will not care for you. My family mistreated me for years, only because I resemble my biological father. I chose to take the Christian route, and surrounded myself with Christian "family" and now after 40 years, my mother is being loving towards me. I know God has worked on her. And I am very thankful for all those with whom I share God`s love - my "heart and soul" family!
bettyjo57 // 2011-12-14 11:09:16 // 1 Like(s) // -
My situation is a bit different...My youngest brother who I helped raise and love very much....is totally estranged from Me and my family. His wife`s brother molested my youngest daughter when she was 13, 8 years ago. The perpetrator was 28 then. it was a Christmas eve. My daughter did not reveal this until she was 16. My brothers wife DENIES it happened and claims if it were true, my daughter wouldn`t have waited to tell. (he preyed on her in the night and she feigned being asleep) What really blows my mind is that My sister in law walked in the room when her brother was in bed with my daughter! Anyway, my brother has chosen to side with his wife (they have 9 kids) and has completely cut off my family and that of another brother who supported us in this. A 3rd brother has sided with the youngest brother and hence the perp. (their wives are close).this has devastated my elderly parents who sided with us and paid a huge price. So...my family and I have lost half of my family over this. I have tried to reach out and forgive the brothers (mind you, NOT the perp who Is no relation) even my daughter, the victim, has forgiven...but they do not respond to any calls, emails, letters, cards. We just do not exist to them anymore. The grief to me and my family is ongoing and unbearable. How to move on? How to HEAL?
Lynnibenni // 2011-12-14 11:05:51 // 0 Like(s) // -
Let them go. With forgiveness and love - after you have made VERY sure you have DEALT with it.
Retha Burger // 2011-12-14 11:05:00 // 0 Like(s) // -
Great answer! It`s not about them, it`s about you.
Barbara Thompson // 2011-12-14 11:02:33 // 0 Like(s) // -
Been there, done that. 5 years later, when they matured, things have changed...don`t forget we are all students/teachers...lessons to learn. Keep sending them Good Vibrations, and watch things change!!
dianebelair@live.ca // 2011-12-14 11:02:20 // 0 Like(s) // -
I would like to share this.. no `share` button .. ??
Sophia Green // 2011-12-14 10:57:53 // 0 Like(s) // -
My lessons in this life have been tough to say the least. It would be easy for me to hate. But I CHOOSE not to hate and let my feelings of forgiveness dictate my life. Forgiveness does not let a person "off the hook" they still are responsible for their actions. The man who tried to burn me alive sits behind bars where he should be but as far as my feelings I am at peace and have forgiven. My 17 year old son has left this world and that has given me many reasons to hate and blame. My faith and beliefs have given me peace in knowing there was a purpose for his life and death. I know when I finish here on earth learning and teaching all that life has planned for me I will see him again.
Suzanne Davis // 2011-12-14 10:56:48 // 0 Like(s) // -
My problem in the past for sure, letting people know for the record, thinking I`m being honest and fair to them. Your reply makes total sense, thank you :)
Amelia Elisabeth Beaton // 2011-12-14 10:53:52 // 0 Like(s) // -
Thank you Dr. Chopra for your gifts to our world. i am disabled w/fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis & a host of lesser ills. i move every opportunity my body permits. I read some of your books and listen to your advice as best i can in a minor way. However, the challenge is nearly insurmountable and perpetual. I try fervently to keep my mind in a positive place. I wrote an email on your site last evening in order to volunteer in some way, perhaps, with secretarial work. The website did not function when i completed my writing. Provided there is a possibility of volunteering i can be contacted at the following email: raittme@comcast.net Thank you kindly. This website is invaluable to many people in great need. Your fan, Charrme
charrme // 2011-12-14 10:53:20 // 0 Like(s) // -
I have never been a part of the family I was born into. My father died whn I was 5 and my mother is the only one I acknowledge now at the age of 45. I spent from the age of three being physically and mentally abused by my siblings and at the age of 43 I took a stand for myself. I was pysically and violently attacked by my sister who set two huge German Shepards on me. The one bit into my side and leg. This happened all because I spoke up against the treatment I witnessed my mother going through at the hands of my sister. I did not ell but calming spoke my peice which is always why I was attacked. So, I called the police for the first time in all of my life and I have never been sorry. My mothers children all sided with the other who attacked me and said I should forgive and leave it a a family matter but I chose to protect myself for the first time ever and file an order and I got it. I have never spoken to them again and it is nearly two years. In the past with fights I have felt I wanted to try to mend things but I now know my life is better without violent, nasty, mean people in it. I am sad for my son who is 6 and wants a larger family and my husband is an only child and parents are deceased. I try every day to live life being good to people and weeding out the trouble. I am finally at peace with my life and as for my son, in time I will explain better. I take care of the friends I have & cherish the small but loving family. May peace and Joy be with all that have suffered at the hands of those we were suupposed to call "Family."
winmoor // 2011-12-14 10:50:41 // 2 Like(s) // -
Very appropriate for me today - thank you X
Isobel Smith // 2011-12-14 10:47:42 // 0 Like(s) // -
I cut my ties with 6 children, 6 grandchildren, 5 brothers an wife`s, to be one with the universe, an the creator, they only belong to me in the illusion!!
Thomas St James // 2011-12-14 10:47:13 // 0 Like(s) // -
No, if these people cannot respect you, they are not worth the effort. These things go both ways. People who cannot be trusted should be cut. Permanently. In time the sting may ease, but only distance can do that. And I do not believe in extending a portion of my being to people who are so malignant. They diminish my own worth.
Carol Wells // 2011-12-14 10:46:21 // 0 Like(s) // -
Very wonderful advise Dr. Chopra.....It is in the revelation to our selves, that acceptances, approvals and perceptions of others need not define us.....when this awareness comes..........It is literally freeing. It is amazing the example we follow most of our lives can become a prison of who we think we should be.......my revelation came this year....and now i am working to find "and be comfortable with"...my authenic self....it is a wonderful awareness.... Thank you...You are a wonderful teacher..!
Deneen Bunch M.S. MHC // 2011-12-14 10:45:01 // 0 Like(s) // -
after two yrs of putting distance between my impossible inlaws and myself, i spent an afternoon with them to please my spouse. and i have to admit that it was almost bearable. i dont plan on doing it often but it was good to discover that im at peace about it all and can be in their presence and not feel anger and resentment as i once did. so distancing yourself from negative people is a good thing, but it isnt necessary to make a big deal about it or to cut them off completely. just set solid boundaries.
Claire Gallagher // 2011-12-14 10:43:43 // 0 Like(s) // -
Hi Deepak :)
Mieja Elsjan // 2011-12-14 10:43:34 // 0 Like(s) // -
Glad I met you. It was changing... esp. when B.Katie talked about "only if u believe"... that stuck out for me.
HQ Merriweather // 2011-12-14 10:42:10 // 0 Like(s) // -
Thank you for that insightful blog.
Heather Troutman // 2011-12-14 10:41:58 // 0 Like(s) // -
although this is irrelevent....hw do u describe `sybil` DID...16 prsnlties in terms of conciousness....
Apoorva N Rao // 2011-12-14 10:39:52 // 0 Like(s) // -
I have always wondered about.....after years of knowing the word HATE i have learned to cut the word out,i mean were all human, but sometimes cutting out people from our lives(not turning our backs on them) is the best thing for the spirit especially when the person is filled with negotivity,negotive energy and seems to want the worse for others.......sometimes i feel bad but deep down inside i know its the best for both parties....thank you for sharing this !
Damien Gutierrez // 2011-12-14 10:36:44 // 0 Like(s) // -
Thank you for your comments. I, too, have felt like this was my story. I have separated from most of my family and am pleased with where I am and how I think. Marina, your comments were mine. I know I`m exactly where I need to be, especially reading this.
Gwynn Broome // 2011-12-14 09:29:06 // 19 Like(s) // -
When i saw your qestion, I thought i was mine. I`m in identical situation, and I did cut comunication, I can relate to how you feel as for you would like to have a family, but it`s way too toxic, and you are in between either sacrificing your feelings and emotional health and you have a family, or you are healthy but alone. I chose last,I was trying to fix things for 10 years and it didnt work it exausted my emotional health. One healthy person better than 3 sick people.I can definately tell you that I am much kinder and better person now. Who knows maybe one day everything will fall on it`s places.
Marina // 2011-12-14 07:30:12 // 40 Like(s) //
Top comments
When i saw your qestion, I thought i was mine. I`m in identical situation, and I did cut comunication, I can relate to how you feel as for you would like to have a family, but it`s way too toxic, and you are in between either sacrificing your feelings and emotional health and you have a family, or you are healthy but alone. I chose last,I was trying to fix things for 10 years and it didnt work it exausted my emotional health. One healthy person better than 3 sick people.I can definately tell you that I am much kinder and better person now. Who knows maybe one day everything will fall on it`s places.
Marina // 2011-12-14 07:30:12 // 40 Like(s) // LikeThank you for your comments. I, too, have felt like this was my story. I have separated from most of my family and am pleased with where I am and how I think. Marina, your comments were mine. I know I`m exactly where I need to be, especially reading this.
Gwynn Broome // 2011-12-14 09:29:06 // 19 Like(s) // Like